Rehoming cats dilemma!?

[abbieirish]

Not really sure what I'm after from this post. Just advice support and opinions please. Definitely not hate or shame please as I'm at my whits end.

At the end of 2018, after years of wanting a dog and being unable due to work we decided to get 2 kittens. We quickly fell absolutely in love. Covid hit and i was from home full time and then after that most days at home. Obviously they became our absolute world, and us theirs.

Due to where we live the boys are 100% house cats not going outdoors at all.

For context, black cat is a proper slinky, silky typical cat, sooo super clever, loves to play and hunt and is into everything, but also loves a cuddle. B&W cat is a fluffy lazy cat who has a lot of health issues (heart murmur, underdeveloped lungs and probable neurological issues), and so is very dopey. He mostly likes to sleep but is pretty agro and does hiss etc if you even look at him wrong. Fluff cat goes to the groomers every 8 weeks (as he won't tolerate being brushed and will matt else).

Everything was all fine and dandy until we got pregnant. We were trying so not a surprise and we were over the moon! We had our lovely son in July and are just besotted. However we are now having so many issues, a lot of which we were having before but now I just can't tolerate or put up with anymore.

Firstly there's the hair. Everywhere! We've replaced all our carpeted floors for hard floors due to this other then a carpet runner up our stairs. This gets so hairy and black so quickly that I have to hoover it every day or it's just gross, and obviously I don't have time for this now! There's always cat hair on our clothes, in baby's bed and what's worse they keep getting in his mouth too. The other day I nearly lost the plot when I saw a cat hair in his eye!!

So secondly, black cat can open doors! Our house has the push latch, cottage style door handles and black cat has figured out how to open the doors. He jumps up putting his paws onto the push down bit and holds on until the door swings open! He's come in on me in the bath, people on the toilet, when my in laws stayed a few weeks ago they heard the almighty crash of him jumping up onto it and letting himself into their room...3 times!!! It also means he can let both of them into our room, where baby is obviously currently sleeping! Due to this we took to locking them in the extension room downstairs at night which they can't get out of but they just spend the whole time in there crying and meowing at the door, constantly! They also took to weeing on everything in that room including all new baby stuff like a rocker chair my grandparents bought him which had to be thrown and a breastfeeding/sit up pillow, as well as the couch and arm chairs in there! So eventually when we'd decided they weren't showing much interest in baby we decided we'd let them have free roam again which was fine, until fluffy cat has taken an interest and last week went in the moses basket with baby twice! He also will just walk all over us, i know its to get love and attention but when I'm on the bed feeding baby or snuggling he'll try and walk all over us both!
They also fight like absoloute lunatics, screaming and chasing each other around the house at a million miles an hour and at that point it doesn't matter who or what is in their path is will be ran over and likely with claws!
They also scratch EVERYTHING!! They have scratch posts, mats, etc, and they use them (infrequently tbf), but every single piece of furniture we own is getting ruined and yesterday I caught fluffy trying to scratch baby's brand new chair so that'll be the next thing ruined!
Black cat also likes to jump up and several times has nearly jumped on baby when he's on bed or changing table.
Black cat is also obsessed with baby's things like he will sit in his cot or basinette or car seat, it's as if he thinks he'll get the same attention as baby if he's In his things too.
Fluffy cat is obsessed with baby's toy so they'll end up all chewed and slobbery and he loves dapping his dummy on the floor and playing chase with it!
Even worse is the toilet situation. Due to fluffys health issues I mentioned before (and long hair) he often gets clinkers, or even doesn't finish using the litter tray completely before he comes out meaning every day we find multiple nuggets around the house!

I also feel like I'm shouting at them sooo often, I really don't want my son growing up around that kind of stressful, negative and angry household (from my own experience!)

In the evening and at night they just want attention and love from me but parenting a 3 month old I just feel like my cup is empty and I have nothing left to give by that point!

I have spoken to husband about what we should do and he just says he loves them so much and thinks a pet is for life (which I 100% agree with) but he also is at his wits end and knows it can't carry on. He just says he never wanted them in the first place (to which I tell him he clearly didn't make clear at the time or I'd never have got them, and really isn't helpful atm!)

I know things will get easier as baby gets older but I don't see that most of these issues will get better, or that I can put up with it much longer. I also don't want to look back on my sons early years as miserable because of them. I have tried recently to put in a real effort getting on with them to fall back in love with them but I just couldn't and think I might just resent them now. I guess my priorities have just completely changed now. I absolutely love my son so so much, he is my world and his health, wellbeing and happiness is 100% my priority, in fact nothing else at all really matters. And as much as I'd miss my boys my main reasons at the moment for keeping them are that I'd like my son to grow up with animals, so he learns to love animals, and its also supposed to be good for allergies and immunity, and my own guilt, when actually atm I feel like they'd have a better home elsewhere anyway. Also I don't know anyone that coul have them for us, even temporarily sadly

Again, I'm already beating myself up for this soo much and know I'm a terrible person so really could do with not having that affirmed atm but any advice and support would be great please, thanks all :(

Rehome them to where they can be dcats and go outdoors.. They aren't ornaments..

Btw, I currently have seven cats. All rescues. They don't fight and choose to be inside the majority of the time. Also look at the calming plug ins for cats. I know you are overwhelmed at the moment but you need to find a way to manage the cats so they are happy and calm down.

Honestly I know so many people who treat their cats like babies until they have actual babies and which point the cats become an unsanitary nuisance. It's really horrible. It is highly unlikely that the cat with health issues will be re homed - it's likely to spend time in a shelter before being put to sleep.

Let them out.
If you rehome there’s 99% next owner will let them out anyway

Get a rubber brush, brush cat outside every few weeks, gets rid of extra hair even on shorthair cats.

Get an eufy robot hoover. We got our hoover around the time Ds was born. Goes on every morning in living room at 7am before we come down.

Cats don’t kill babies. It’s like an old wives tale.

I groom my cat, hardly find any fur except in her bed, easy to remove with a rubber brush. A Zoom Groom and a furminator keeps her sleek and minimum shedding.

Locks on the doors.

Feliway or similar diffusers.

Attention, they need that too. Play with them as well as grooming.

You need to be responsible, you took them in and supposedly loved them, now you have another amusement, you don't want them any more.

Rescues are full, there would be little hope for the sick one, many places PTS if they are not easy to home.

You're stressed. That's completely understandable. Lots going on and lots of changes. But it's not the cats' fault. Half the things you're complaining are probably manageable and the other half are unfair. They're cats. They're equally unsettled and stressed by all the changes but they're not being aggressive and they're not putting your child in danger. Sorry to say but it does sound like you just can't be assed with them any more now you've got a kid.

A few thoughts:

• Hair: yeah it's annoying but it's not life threatening. It's also not a new phenomenon. You coped with it previously. Maybe you're now hyper aware because you're in warrior new mum mode. But it's honestly fine.
• Wanting attention: they're affectionate and miss your company. Is this really so awful?
• Jumping on you/walking over you/wanting to be involved: Why is this so awful? They are part of your family and want to be involved.
• Being near baby/jumping up and on baby: They're domestic cats, not panthers. It's okay. Your son will be fine.
• Scratching furniture: If you don't already, I suggest you cut their claws a regular basis. Indoor cats need this. Scratching posts are not sufficient.
• Poo issues: I suggest you gently cut the fur around the bottom on a regular basis. It helps.

If it's really not workable please please try to make sure they go to good homes. Don't give or sell them to randoms on sites like g'tree where they could easily end up in the wrong hands and used as bait.

Our cat is too!

cats can be perfectly happy indoors. Our cat can and does go out in the garden with us but has no interest in leaving the garden, if she hears anyone she scrapers inside, she’s a right scared cat.

it does annoy me when people have pets then want to get rid of them when they have children.

we have the hairiest cat ever. I hoover downstairs every morning and we have a lint roller at the front door.

And this is exactly why the cat shelters are absolutely full & on their knees bursting at the seams. Totally irresponsible.

Difficult when she got older? Not as affectionate? Loud & messy? Baby on the way? No probs, just get rid of the elderly problem pet that wasn’t cuddly enough in her old age. just like that!

I know you managed to palm yours off but plenty of people don’t have that luxury & they sit in a teeny 1m pen wondering what the heck happened.

I had 3 children along with two Siamese and Golden Retriever and I can't honestly remember a time when it didn't work and having said that, I never kept them locked up in the house during the day but they had a curfew of 9pm at night time, can I make a suggestion, let them out if it's safe to do so, you'll find things will settle down and especially when your baby gets bigger, there won't be so many hairs and hopefully they'll go outside for the toilet, the biggest fear for this is that they've never been outside so there's the danger but if you're not by a road then I would at least try it, give it a couple of months and if it doesn't work and you still feel the same way, then re-homing is your only option but don't whatever you do, advertise them on Social Media, a cat re-homing centre is the only way to go. I understand totally your frustrations but it can change, just let them out.

I am a volunteer in a cat shelter, and I have seen this so many times.People have babies and don't want the cats any more, so unfair.
They are not disposable
Those poor cats won't understand and are obviously missing the love and attention that you gave them previously.
Do what you want, but don't try to justify it by demonising the cats.
Just be honest, you just want to get rid.

Let the cats outside if possible. I put mine outside every morning and leave them outside with food and lots of outbuildings they can go in until teatime. A cat flap is great. I haven’t got one yet but will do soon. Current cats are very young and not yet trustworthy with toileting.
I Hoover twice or sometimes 3 times a day, more to do with the solid fuel and log heating and the mud. Hard floors are actually worse and everything trails. A good vacuum is essential.
If they see the baby and sniff him they’ll be happy. Both times I brought a new baby home the old cat and dogs wanted a look.
I put a cat net over the pram and Moses basket and a fitted sheet works well over the cot at first to stop the cat sitting in them when the baby’s not in them. In the end I gave up and the old cat spent more time in the pram than the baby.

It’s not clear from your post OP whether the cats’ behaviour has changed since the baby came along or whether you are just looking at things differently since the baby came along.

Most of what you what you mention in your OP is just normal cat stuff. Unless your child turns out to allergic or something cat hair isn’t going to cause them any harm - if anything there is evidence that children who grow up around pets are healthier for it. And cats are not going to smother the baby. Cat “zoomies” and play fitting is all normal behaviour.

Weeing/pooing outside the litter tray might be a concern particularly when the baby gets mobile. But there are ways to manage this.

Some cats can be completely happy indoors (one of mine has the choice to go outdoors and just doesn’t bother) but some cats will struggle and be more destructive and stressed if confined indoors. It’s not clear from your post how happy/unhappy they are currently living indoors.

Personally I think you should give it a bit of time, your feelings may settle. However cats are very adaptable so I wouldn’t feel guilt in principal about rehoming a cat - the challenge is finding a suitable home, and as others have said rescues are overrun. I’d look at a home-to-home rescue (e.g. PetRehomer) who can match you with prospective new homes. You then only need to give up the cats when and if a suitable home is available. Much better than the poor cats (especially the one with health issues who will inevitably be hard to home) going into a shelter.

I dont think you are a terrible person but you ARE a terrible pet owner.
The cats are just catting, nothing unusual or especially bad about their behavior, you just have something cuter to look after now and they are inconvenient.
They sounds quite bored as well

Please before you consider rehousing them all, have you actually let them out? Certain breeds like Ragdolls are known to be happy as indoor cats, but the vast majority will prefer it to have free roam to go in and out as they please. So is this an option?

Their behaviour is typical of a cat who is bored. You have even admitted you don't have time to play with them anymore, understandable. However spending time playing with your cats is crucial if they are kept indoors. It is cruel on them otherwise, so please consider if they are able to go outdoors.

Everyone saying “let them go out” - I’m guessing from what the OP has written that it’s really not practical (e.g. they might live in a flat).

If they are bored and destructive, finding them a new home with outdoor access might be better in the long term.

I just want to mention Pet Rehomer again - we have adopted a cat through them and they were really good to deal with. If you need to rehome a cat you get the assurance that the new owner has been vetted as they would with any rescue/shelter but you get input into who they are rehomed with, and feedback on how they are settling in the new home if they want it. And the cat(s) don’t have to go through the stress of living in a shelter.

The cats we rehomed from a shelter had been in there for six months, and they weren’t even a particularly hard to home pair! I would never want to put an animal through that if it could be avoided.

https://petrehomer.org/

This 100%
I also work in animal welfare, and this boils my piss. As does keeping cats as indoor pets. Just because people do it absolutely does not make it right.

A baby gate will absolutely not keep the cats downstairs.
I say this as someone with multiple cats, and a baby gate on the stairs to keep the dog downstairs and give the cats a dog free space.