So angry at 11yr old ds,

[Christmasshopping1]

I am due to give birth In 10 days so hormones may be playing a part I don't know.

I have pram set up with raincover over so it doesn't get dusty. Not a cheap pram either.

Ds was sat next to pram watching ipad and he's been fiddling with raincover he's stuck his fingers through the small air holes making a larger hole.

I've told him he can pay for a replacement using his pocket money for the next 4 weeks.
I told him to go away , to his bedroom and he said f*ck you and stormed upstairs.

It sounds a bit of an over reaction on your part if I'm honest. Have you been talking much about the new arrival? He is probably feeling insecure and anxious. I'd be inclined to make it clear you're not impressed but I wouldn't make him replace it, sounds OTT. Maximise the time before the new arrival comes to spend time with him and listen to him.

I’m sorry you are angry. Late pregnancy is no picnic.

I think though you are being too hard on your older son. Sounds like a distracted fiddle rather than deliberate destruction.

Everything about this episode says to him ‘the new baby is more important than you’. Which I expect was why he was so upset and rude to you.

He’s probably already a bit confused / sad about a new baby (and is there a new stepdad in the mix)? And now this.

Try to go gently with him. It’s not easy to be him either. X

Does he normally fiddle with stuff and damage things?

Regardless, I don't think you were out of order, and I think he owes you two apologies - one for damaging the cover and one for his completely unacceptable response to you when you were cross with him. You have a right to be upset and to punish when a child is either thoughtless or wilfully destructive.

I think you completely overreacted and this is not the way to introduce an 11yr old to their new sibling. It was a thoughtless mistake, not worth sending him
to his room and making him give up weeks of his pocket money over. I really think you should talk to him and try to make up.

Absolutely this. Poor lad.

There's no stepdad it's same father.
He's not left out whatsoever, he's had new clothes & trainers today. Also been ferried around to his friends and collected.
He's got new Halloween costume and being taken to a Halloween party by myself tomorrow.
Il have a chat with him tomorrow though
Thanks everyone.

You have made an error of judgement and need to fix it. One month without pocket money for a thoughtless mistake is way over the top.

Stick some wide clear sellotape over the rip and then make a new air hole. It will be fine. And then say sorry to your older child who didn't mean to cause harm.

I believe you can buy patch repair kits.

What a complete over reaction and a sure fire way to make him resent his new sibling.

Look you're heavily pregnant it's exhausting and shit and you probably feel like crap but all you've done here is make him feel like crap too. Take a breather and be the adult and accept in this situation you messed up and you need to apologise.

Is he an only child atm? So has to learn to share his parents? This is a tough time for him, regardless of your hormones.

Apologise to him. Let it go. This needs to be an exciting and positive time for him, not a time when he feels pushed out and punished.

Doesn't sound like he did it deliberately ffs
YABU!

He's not an only child no

I wouldn't punish him at all, you don't need to attach negativity to anything related to the baby unless you have to. This is very minor - if he wanted to cause serious damage that's different. Maybe he's feeling a little bit out of sorts, can you do something with him one to one?

New stuff and being ferried around might not be what he needs right now. I wouldn't underestimate the adjustment he's going to have to go through. Probably a cry for attention, even if subconscious. I'd definitely have a chat and try to listen to him. He probably just needs time with you.

If he was 3 yabu but he's 11 and that is old enough to know he's causing damage.
He needs to learn actions have consequences and swearing at you is unacceptable.

I think a telling off for being careless is ok but making him pay out of his own pocket money is not proportionate. If he had gone out of his way to do it for spiteful reasons that would be different. But it wasn't wilful disobedience, it was just thoughtlessness. Whilst it's annoying, its not something to punish the poor kid for.

This was my thinking @LakeTiticaca but it seems the majority think the opposite

No one is denying he's not caused damage though all the majority are pointing out is that he didn't do it on purpose. He's 11 and did something absentmindedly and accidentally and you completely lost the plot at him.

Why is everyone missing the fact he said 'fuck you?'

That's shocking from an 11 year old and hints at other issues tbh

So it's the raincover that's damaged? To protect the park from dust?

Have you been banging on about new baby by any chance?

It's really no wonder that kids think they can do as they please & have no respect

hes 11, he might not be happy about having a sibling, but doesn't give him the right to tell his Mum to fuck off.

@SquishyGloopyBum

the clue is in the nam 'Rain Cover'

tempirsrily being used to keep the dust off, until the pram is needed, WITH the rain cover!

You were right to tell him off for damaging the pram cover. He's 11, old enough to know what he's doing and old enough to face the consequences.
Are you actually going to buy a new pram cover? If the damage is that bad that you will buy a new one then yes, fair enough to take some of his pocket money.
If you are not going to buy a new one and will patch it up then it wasn't a reasonable punishment.
But you were then wrong to tell him to go away. What was the point of that? The punishment was to pay for the pram cover. Why also send him away? That was unfair, a double punishment.
However, his language then was completely unacceptable, I would not tolerate that language at all, not to a parent or to anyone else.

@Christmasshopping1

no you didn't iver react, you told him he needed to replace it from his picket money (totally reasonable) and sent him to his room (totally reasonable)

you didn't say no pocket money ever & you sent him to his room not up a bloody chimney or down a mine!!