Children who don't go to nursery

[beandream]

Hello
My daughter is 22 months and hasn't been to nursery, primarily because I just can't afford it. I'm not even sure if I'll send her when we get some funding as we went for a taster day and she screamed for the whole 30 minutes when I had to leave her. It was just awful for everyone and I couldn't bear it, but as I said it turns out I can no longer afford it anyway.
My concern is that she will fall behind in speech and socialising. She doesn't like to socialise with anyone that she doesn't know and when I heard the children who went to nursery speak, they speak a lot more and much more clearly.
Is there anything I can do for this? Or is it even worth worrying about?
There's mum and baby classes but anything more?
She's very attached to me and not comfortable with anyone but immediate family

She's not 2. It's not normal to send kids to nursery unless you need childcare much under 3. From 3 you'll get 15 hours funding (U.K.) for a pt term time place - this is all many children have before starting school and its absolutely fine

Ours didn’t go until 3. Introduced very slowly, they both enjoyed it. We didn’t feel they needed it before then.

I agree that there are little benefits before 3 other than childcare when it’s needed. If it’s not, the best place is with you. Groups with you are different as you help her learn how to socialise - nursery staff may do a bit of this but they can’t focus on your kid all the time and you can. It’s worth applying for funded place at 3 even if you think she’s not ready, as lots changes and you can assess when she’s closer to 3.

For some maybe but not all - we are a fsm family, in council housing, low income. We were offered a funded place at 2 it absolutely wasn’t the right thing for dd.

We have some books at home and we went to the library as well, we accessed a local toy library and went to free groups at a children’s centre so there is a middle ground and the benefit of waiting till 3 absolutely isn’t confined to those from wealthy families !

22 months is nothing, don’t worry yet! She should get 15 hours at 3 anyway (hopefully that policy is still in place by then!). My friend’s son didn’t go to nursery at all, just straight into reception and was fine - teacher even said friend should start a nursery she did such a good job 😄

Also kids whose parents are with gp / family while parents work also benefit from early nursery The ‘start at 3’ benefit only applies to wealthy families where Mum / Dad are SAHP.

A sweeping generalisation here. Grandparents caring for my children whilst I worked instead of early nursery was absolutely the right decision - they had a strong, loving relationship, appropriate boundaries and were taken lots of places/had lots of experiences with them.

We thankfully don't have a typical MN relationship with our parents where there is fault in all they do with children and are also very lucky that they had the time and wanted to spend the toddler years caring for their grandchildren on the days I worked.

I can say without a doubt, my children benefited so much more from their grandparents caring for them compared to if they had been in nursery between the ages of 1 and 3.

I hope that's not true. Pay a fortune for childcare for my 1 year old, want to get more out of it than just 'childcare'

I hope that's not true. Pay a fortune for childcare for my 1 year old, want to get more out of it than just 'childcare'

It's true as long as the parents are the type that invest time in their child, talk with, read, expose to new environments and experiences etc.

So to give a different perspective I do have to send my child to nursery due to work. My son has been going to nursery 3 full days a week since he was 1 and he's currently 2.5.

For us, he is thrieving and nursery and really enjoys it. They do a lot more activities then I would have even thought of doing at home and the social element is great so it's ideal for us.

As for falling behind, I don't think your child would as I have noticed that some of the activities my son does I have already taught him at home. For instance counting, colours, shapes etc. They are currently focusing on this at the moment so all the kids in the class know them and he seems to be helping with the teaching of some of it as he already knows it. So it's dependant on how much you do with them at home.

IMO I don't think it matters if they go to nursery or not as long as you are socialising them and teaching them at home. If they do go to nursery then I think it's very important to find the right one which compliments your parenting style so you don't end up working against each other.

Mine is a little younger than yours and he's of course there because we need childcare but he absolutely gets so much from it.

If it's a high quality nursery, I just don't see how they don't get anything out of it.

My 21 month old talks a lot, all of the time. He hasn't been to nursery yet either. They all learn at their own pace, nursery or not.

You can’t reasonably make a judgement that a child won’t like nursery at 2 and a half or three because they cried when they went for a visit once before 2.

The funding is there for a reason - children benefit from early years education. You might get lots of parent tell you that no pre school made no difference to their child in reception but unless they had some magic power to see everything that happens in their child’s reception class at all times, they have no idea. Teachers will always be positive unless there is a major problem. IMO from working in reception, you can tell if a child never went to nursery and settling is harder for them.

Nurseries were open, so my DS was at nursery throughout covid apart from the start of the first lockdown.

I have to say I have noticed a big difference between the children who went to nursery and the anxiety/clinginess of those that didn't now they are at school. Some screaming and crying at drop off, refusing to do playdates without mum or dad there, let alone sleepovers. (I know sleepovers aren't necessary, but you never know what's around the corner. I had to have an operation in London, my husband was with me, and DS had a great time, none the wiser, at a sleepover at his best friend's house). I was adamant I wanted my DS to be confident and independent. Maybe it's just his nature, but I think nursery played a massive part. We both work, so could afford it, but I would definitely have used the free hours if not.

Feeling scared and anxious is the worst feeling, so anything you can do to build their confidence and independence is really important, IMHO.

Start her from the term after she turns 3, when you'll get funding. A lot of children don't start until then. Pre-schools are brilliant for school-readiness. Children change so much between 2 and 3, she'll be like a different child by then. At 22 months and never having left you, of course she found it strange.

Personally I thought our nursery were utterly brilliant, my son went from 11 months and absolutely loved it. I'm far less impressed by school so far.

I find this an interesting discussion. In reality OP everyone responding is probably going to be biased towards the decisions they've made re childcare. You can get a wide range of experiences but you aren't going to get a consensus. My experience is nursery has been very positive for our daughter. She has been there full time since she was 7 months and loves it. Her speech and behaviour is advanced for her age and I mostly credit that to nursery due to her spending a lot of time in a stimulating environment around older children. I feel confident she will be very well prepared for school and I can't see that it has affected our bond/connection. Nursery was an essential for us as we both work full time. With the experience we've had, if I didn't need to work, would I make use of free hours? Probably to be honest - I think it has enriched her life but of course this doesn't mean it's the right thing for all children. Hopefully it's helpful reading different people's experiences but ultimately you know what's right for your child and your situation so trust your gut :)

I think it’s hard to replicate the resources and stimuli of nursery. My DS had a speech delay so I moved him from a childminder to a nursery when he was just over 2. His speech took off within weeks and I notice now his speech is much clearer than some of his friends in reception.

Mine went two mornings a week at 16 months/21 months.

The main advantage for them was it was different activities and experiences then they did at home. For example Halloween week the messy play table was all the different bits of a pumpkin for them to explore (seeds, flesh, skin etc). But a good playgroup might do that to. (Playgroups were a bit limited in my area!)

Speechwise... it was extra evidence that DD1 didn't talk.

Be prepared to be 'that parent' with the kid who clings to you howling on the first day of school!

Ah so absolutely nothing to do with reaching the age of 2 then. When milestones are hit...

I sent DD1 in when she was around 2.5 yo, but only because I felt she was a bit behind in her speech, and even then she only went for 2 half days per week. I don't think they need to go to nursery when they're so little. Both my DDs only started going to nursery for 5 half days every week when they were around 3.5 years old.

Do you work op?

You pay a fortune to get high quality childcare, but it is just that- childcare. There’s nothing nursery does with babies that you couldn’t do yourself, if you weren’t working and didn’t need the childcare. It doesn’t mean that it’s bad or anything, just that it’s neutral. As opposed when they’re 3+ and nursery provides socialisation, adjustment to routines and preparation for school that not even the most attentive of SAHPs could possibly emulate.

Children going to nursery very young is also a relatively modern phenomenon and not global. I grew up in a central European country and was with my mum full-time until I turned 4. This was completely normal back then, almost nobody had childcare before age 3. Personally, never really had issues socialising or making friends. You'd think we'd otherwise have a whole generation of people unable to socialise in my home country.

My own children are also looked after at home. I work from home full-time, husband is a SAHD, so we're both pretty much always around. Don't have family local to drop them off to. The oldest has just started pre-school with the 15 free hours and is loving it. No problems settling in or making friends. But my husband does get out with them a lot to various playgroups etc and we encourage independence a lot, so maybe that helped. Idk, I always think this topic gets overblown. Just do what works for you and roll with it.

Eh? What are you going on about? Nursery for education purposes starts at 2 at the very earliest and usually 3.🤔

None of mine went to nursery before 2 years 3 months and one of mine didn't go at all. At this age as long as you are reading with them, talking to them and giving them the opportunity to meet other children then it's fine.