DD's nickname for her black doll

[Luhou]

No offence intended by this post. Looking to educate myself on how best to teach my 3 year old about this topic.

My DD has a black doll, it's one of her favourite dollies. Without any infulence from anybody she has deciced to call it "chocolate". I feel like this isn't really appropriate but I am struggling to find the words to explain this to my three year old.

Any ideas on how best to explain this? We have had general discussions about different people having different skin colours but everybody being the same.

Just incase it's relevant she's just three not nearly four but generally has a good understanding of things.

Lol at Coco

I had a black doll growing up in the 60s. She was called Dinah.

but then what happens and how to teach differences so when they become adults they are more aware ?

Ive never looked at a white child and thought “hmmm… milk will be your nickname”

wtf?

Your DD might mean it innocently and she won't understand racism at her age, but you do.

I agree with PP who would gently redirect and explain its not appropriate to name the doll after the colour of its skin. I would guide my kids similarly if they made another comment about somebody's appearance - commenting on somebody's size for example, or like my youngest's current obsession with "big boobies"! I would say "Darling, we don't need to comment on the size of somebody's breasts" (my kids are both preschoolers). They might not fully understand it now, but I'm sure if you start the conversation with something like "Let's give her a different name, a name that isn't just about what she looks like", then that line of argument applies to more general conversations about appearance, and will also in time develop into conversations about race, objectification, ownership etc, as she gets older.

It's a tricky one, but I think it's right to tackle it in an age appropriate way. She probably means it innocently but it's not appropriate and we are constantly having to redirect our children away from innocent yet inappropriate behaviour (such as public nudity, touching their genitals, picking their nose or talking about their bowel movements), it's part of our role as parents. This won't seem any different to her.

My DD called all her teddies a name that reminded her of something of the same colour - minty, snowy, brownie, biscuit & goldie. I never corrected her & it’s never been an issue.

Loving the faux naivety on here!

I had something similar happen in my reception class this week and I struggled to know how to deal/what to say without making it all into a massive issue.
A little girl (she is a person of colour) brought in a favourite black doll for show and tell. She was asked what its name was and she said ‘chocolate’. Another child then piped up and said that maybe she’d chosen it because the doll was brown! Last weeks show and tell offering had been named strawberry. The names are clearly made up on the spot!
I really struggled to know what to say as I felt I ought to comment but didn’t want to make a big thing about it. I just waffles something about not naming people because of their colour and tried to move on. It was a bit awkward. Kids didn’t have any idea what I was on about.

I was going to say that. How is it that black children don't call white children vanilla or milk?

@ACGTHelix I think the post you quoted was tongue in cheek, in response to the poster a bit further up who suggested getting rid of dolly or banning it to the house.

@saythatagaintome My two friends went to a high school where white children were the minority (somewhere in the midlands) and were referred to as 'milk bottles' there so I don't think that's too far fetched a thought 😅

I don't think that applies only to white parents.

*were

I wish the edit button was available on the phone app 🤦🏻‍♀️

I was challenged on here last month for saying calling a non white child poo could be perceived as racist but honestly l think however young a child is we need to educate them.
Sorry your son experienced that x

This thread scares me…

The name definitely came about innocently. I think the advice of talking to DD about Dolly wanting a human name and not one related to how she looks was very sensible…

and let’s end it at a sensible place before someone starts with something along the lines of the woke brigade stopping children being able to use casually racist names!

They do in other parts of the world where the majority and norm is to be black or Asian and white people / children are the minority though?

fair points, i missed that part

My two friends went to a high school where white children were the minority (somewhere in the midlands) and were referred to as 'milk bottles' there so I don't think that's too far fetched a thought 😅

Whys that funny?

Kids of 3 are prime age for tv programs that have characters named after a physical colour/trait. It's hardly surprising when they do the same.

i have a black doll from my childhood (Jemima if you're interested), even now MANY years later she has a very even tone exactly the colour of dairy milk chocolate. so to the posters who think it's not innocent & the child is being nasty & the parents naïve you need to think again. This child is barely 3,

On the other hand Blanche, Ebony, Rufus and Nigel are all established names. Although the colour name is in a different language which maybe distances the meaning.

She's 3. You're over-thinking it. Why not suggest that the doll looks like a Princess, so that would be a nice name? Or, just leave it. If you start making a deal out of it, she really will think she's doing or saying something she shouldn't (and then do it all the more)

I had a black doll as a child and I loved her. I have very curly hair so I identified with my black dolly even though I am white. I called her Sandra after my Grans black neighbour who was a nice lady. There are so many successful and powerful black role models. Why not encourage your daughter to ‘name’ her dolly after a role model who is black. It’s a teaching moment and you can have fun finding a name together.

For those saying Coco is no better, she could be named after the tennis player Coco Gauff?

Which parents?

my parents aren't from the UK by the way.

My daughter was the same when she met our friend ‘David’ for the second time. “Oh you’re the chocolate man.”
David smiled and said it was the nicest thing anyone had called him.

maybe because the poster finds it funny. Why is that a problem for you?