DD's nickname for her black doll

[Luhou]

No offence intended by this post. Looking to educate myself on how best to teach my 3 year old about this topic.

My DD has a black doll, it's one of her favourite dollies. Without any infulence from anybody she has deciced to call it "chocolate". I feel like this isn't really appropriate but I am struggling to find the words to explain this to my three year old.

Any ideas on how best to explain this? We have had general discussions about different people having different skin colours but everybody being the same.

Just incase it's relevant she's just three not nearly four but generally has a good understanding of things.

Coco is at least a name/used as a nickname?

Your kid is definitely old enough to learn about racism. Just tell her ‘some people might think that’s commenting on the colour of her skin and they might think that is unkind. Let’s pick a different name, what about X’. She’s 3, I hardly think she’s going to argue political correctness has gone mad.

I’m struggling to see how having a weekly curry or nachos would help?

Gauff's name is actually Cori.
So we're back to, is Coco a good nickname?

I literally suggested Coco as it's a legitimate name that's closest to the child's preferred "non" name. But I can see if the child has chosen Chocolate due to the dolls skin colour then Coco is not suitable either.

I did suggest asking the child why Chocolate first though.

This thread is definitely scary, but I suspect for very different reasons to what you might have in mind.

Genuine question - Do schools and workplaces still recognise Black History Month?

Guessing that posters on this thread have employers, it’s disappointing but not surprising to see some of the comments passive about racism.

I'm very pale skinned. I was often called milky. I think it was in a Jim Carey film once.

What is wrong ? Its a name and a lovely one at that. She wont even be thinking of skin tone. Im half asian and no way is it offensive. Id love to be called chocolate as iv been called much much worse

This thread is making me mad as she is an innocent child not naming her doll because of skin colour. Let her name her dolls whatever she wants. She isnt beibg racist ,she is being normal ! She is giving her doll a name that fits . as a woman of colour ,good for her !

Just give her another name. She’s 3. No explanation needed

As a woman of colour, I think it's great that your daughter has a black doll. I would suggest asking her why she thought of that name and then gently steer her away to something that is not colour-related. If she says it's because her doll looks like chocolate then I'd talk to her about how chocolate is a food and not a suitable name for a doll. Unfortunately, certain words will always have connotations with racist overtones and undertones even if not intended. It is a tricky one!

She’s 3 you are overthinking this.

My daughter named everything by how it looked at that age. We had bluey, pinky and blackie the teddy bears. The kitten was fluffy. We had a fish called bubbles and so on.

You can suggest a new name for the doll but I really wouldn’t worry about this.

my 3 year old neice had dollies called tuna and coca cola. nobody cared.thats what to do

I would treat it lightly - there is no racist intent and she is too young to grasp any of the subtleties. "That's a funny name - you can't eat her! - let's see if we can find another name .."

But whatever you might do or say, she will call her doll whatever she wants - it would be very hard to stop her!

If this is genuine, and it may be as the child is only 3, then knowing that many posters use threads like this to hide their racism behind faux naive racist comments, did you really need to post?

Could you really not work out something, by yourself, to satisfy a 3 year old as to why to pick another name?

Jemima is actually a racial stereotype — Aunt Jemima (Quaker Oats).

I too had a black doll I named Jemima when I was 3 (as well as other black dolls I gave different names). It was only in my 20s I suddenly realised I'd entirely unawares given her a name influenced unconsciously by a racial stereotype. (And only just now googling it realised it was due to Quaker Oats!)

Of course it was innocent as I was only 3, but it shows that racial stereotyping is pervasive.
I do wonder why my parents (who ensured I had a mix of dolls of different races and backgrounds, but banned gollywogs and cowboys and Indians - I remember very clearly them explaining why the gollywogs on Robertson's Jam were racist and why we didn't buy that jam when I was 4 or 5 in the late 79s) didn't pick up on the name Jemima, but I suppose it's just something we don't notice if it doesn't affect us personally, which is why it's good to raise awareness even in young children.

I think it's a good idea to ask why she chose the name chocolate. If it's in relation to her dolly's skin colour I'd purchase a normal Kit Kat or other brand chocolate (one in white chocolate and another milk chocolate)
Id then ask if her other dolly's can be called white chocolate. In her innocence she's likely to be confused and tell you no because it would be silly. It would the be a good idea to reiterate that people are different shades everywhere

My daughter had lots of dollies she loved, one of them was black/brown and with no input whatsoever from anyone she named her 'baby chocolate' she was also 3. We never commented on it, I completely forgot until reading your post!

I had a black best friend when I was 6 (she later left my school and I was heartbroken).

We discussed skin colour at one point when she’d come over to play. We agreed that we were like chocolate - exactly the same thing but a brown version and a white version.

We then decided to test out whether we would taste like chocolate or different and licked each other’s arm to assess.

We agreed there was no difference, that we were both sweet kids and enjoyed the chocolate analogy to explain similarities/differences.

Off the back of this friendship I requested a black doll for Christmas, because I wanted representation amongst my dolls, her name is Anoushka and I still can’t bear to part with her.

Other names of my dolls included - Freckles and Ginger, or I named them after people/tv characters they resembled, or what it said on the box!

Young children will name dolls for their physical characteristics or for what they see or love around them. It’s innocent.

How about saying she can’t call the doll after a food. How about Colette, Coco for short? Quite close to what she wanted but not offensive.

Ofgs - teach her it’s not appropriate! Our DC went through a dino phase where he was shortening pacheysechalosauruss to something very bad. We just immediately told him to stop doing this. It’s not hard.

I understand that people are anxious about offending (or being accused of offending) people of different heritage to their own, but do we not risk creating silos where we mustn't mix with others who don't look just like us for fear of an innocent child using unapproved language?

When I first joined Mumsnet 15ish years ago, one of the first threads I joined was an "all of my black friends" one. "All of my black friends love it when I call them "Chocolate Face"...

Which posts are showing faux naivety?
There's some discussion and some ignorance, but I wouldn't call it faux.

I'd ask her what your DD's favourite girl's name is. When she answers I'd say I think the dolly would love to have that name it is so pretty.

I really would not try to make your DD change her dolly's name.

We are surrounded by films and books that use colour to name characters. E.g. Snowwhite, Black Beauty, White Chicks, TinTin and Snowy., red haired people being described as Gingers.

One of the Kindikid dolls was called Marsha Mello.

She's three, just let her enjoy playing with her doll without overthinking it.