I can't parent today and feel awful

[Acb1]

Basically, what the title says. Woke up this morning exhausted, in a stinkin mood and wished I had childcare to have some time to myself. I feel terrible for feeling like this as I adore my DS (who's 3 and a velcro toddler, she doesnt leave my side for a second) and always feel guilty that I'm not with her 4 days out of 7, because I work, but today I just struggled to pull it together to even interact with her. We've done nothing! the TV has been on most of the day and she's been begging for me to play with her and I really, really didn't want to, I just wanted to stay in bed and read my book. Even as I type this, the guilt is setting in. I feel like a shit mum and I have pretty much ingnored her all day because interacting was hard. No idea why I'm even writing this, guess I'm just hoping someone will tell me it'd ok to feel like this so I don't feel so horrible.

Four days out of seven and you can't be bothered to play with her? I was a single parent on benefits back in the day.. loved being home with my daughter.. playing.. doing crafts.. playing dolls.. Reading.. baking going to the park, etc.. are you depressed? Seek some help.. this isn't normal feeling towards your child.

Look, some days are a bit of a bust.

I've done bugger all today. I've read on the couch, had a nap, watched tv.

My kids are pretty bored tbh, but they are a little older, and I'm trying to make it my job not to keep everyone happy all the time.

A boring day never killed anyone. Maybe because you have a younger kid carve 3 x 20/30 minute sessions out of your day, jigsaw, craft, play with toys, read books together. That might help her give you space the rest of the day.

Parenting is hard, but you do have to do it. I have a three year old, and they can be exhausting and boring.

But ignoring her is pretty shit, and the idea of her begging you to play while you just stick the TV on makes me a bit sad to be honest.

Ignoring her is really sad OP. Sending you some single parent solidarity.
Could you have just played with the TV on?
My DD isn't sleeping well atm and I'm sleep deprived but I just had the tv on all day whilst we did stuff like jigsaws, play dough, crafts.. low maintenance stuff.

I think the previous comments are too harsh. We all have bad days from time to time. So long as it is just time to time, not all the time. Maybe tomorrow you'll wake up with a cold or something, then you'll know what was up today. Cut yourself some slack op, you're human, not a robot.

You probably have a cold/virus coming on so give yourself a break. Chalk it up to a low energy day and try again tmrw if you feel better! I distinctly remember days where I was tired like that like that where my favourite game was sleeping beauty and I got to lie down and close my eyes!!

Oh yeah play doctors and you be the patient. Play vets and you get to be all different sick animals.

Those were the days 😆

Honestly what a pile of garbage

The OP is working 4 days out of seven, not having a massage.

It’s perfectly normal to have off days. It’s nice you enjoyed doing children’s play but an awful lot of people don’t.

A little goes along way in this scenario. Have something on hand that you can do with her in 5 minutes and that she loves.

I was lucky my son loved cartoons and wild life programmes so he would happily sit watching them for ages from an early age.

Don’t dwell on today and it’s good that you can reflect and want to not feel like you have today. Have a plan in place so when you next feel like this you can manage it better for both of you.

You sound like you're having a horrible exhausted day. What time do you have outside work/parenting? Do you think you would feel better able play with her if you had more?

My thirteen month old has stopped sleeping at night and we have had mornings of TV while I recover enough to take him to park.

Don't beat yourself up. So hard not to, but so important

But being at home on benefits is slightly different to being out at work away from your child. Give the OP a break.

I think you can use a babysitter app on days like this

Slightly? A world of difference I would say.

Some pp's are being harsh, she normally loves being home with dd playing and spending time with her but today she just felt like crap and isn't feeling it. OP don't beat yourself up, we all have those days even those who say oh I could never not want to play with my child, she's so precious, etc etc. Kids are a handful and when you've had a week of it and are exhausted it's hard. Get some rest this evening and hopefully you will feel better tomorrow.

Thank you so much for all the kind comments! Maybe I am sickening for something, I just feel completely wiped. I did have a small stint of maybe 30mins pretend play with her with blocks earlier but that's been it, it's been mostly telly all day and v little else and i do feel incredibly guilty because she wanted more and i just couldn't get it together for her today. Normally we have lots of things on: swimming, classes, walks, park, playing, crafty things, soft play - so we do normally have lots of fun together on my days off, I just couldn't today and guess I was looking for reassurance. I work and take care of my daughter, that's it. I could count on my one hand the number of times I've been out this year.

When I was on maternity leave as soon as my husband walked in the door he was handed my DS and I went to bed for an hour. I felt no guilt what so ever. So much respect for single parents I don’t think I would have coped. He’s 18 now and at Uni and tbh I miss him but I don’t miss the PA role, laundry, shopping or cooking!

Tomorrow is a new day don’t look back only forward. It sounds like your little one has a great life and nursery is good for children too my son loved nursery.

The BBC wild life programmes, walking with dinosaurs and sea creatures can’t remember what they are all called but my son loved them and they are educational too.

It happens.
I had a hangover once and was fit for nothing. Haven’t drank more than one since!
Mine are older now and all I can say is make the most of it, it goes so quick.

I'm terrible most days. My 3 year old and I do our own thing. Sometimes we play and sometimes we are in different rooms, like me watching my programs in one lounge and her watching hers in the other. I need space to avoid overwhelm and I take it.

Please be kind to yourself - it's one day out of the ordinary. You must be exhausted with both work and doing all that with her too. Are you overdoing it on your non-working days?

I used to find the constant need for interaction overwhelming and hard to deal with so I'd break it up with cheap toddler groups (distract DD as loads of stuff to play with). The crèche at the leisure centre was amazing too - could book her in for a couple of hours, then go and sit in the cafe with a book! That was my go-to if I was feeling under the weather and helped me find the energy to get through the rest of the day.

I think sometimes you just have to suck it up and treat parenting as a job. You wouldn't go to work and ignore the work you need to do, and if you have your child with a childminder or in nursery you wouldn't be happy if they ignored your dc because they weren't feeling up to it. Even if you're feeling really low, deep down you know you could pull it together if you were at work and your boss was watching so you just need to summon up the same willpower.

Personally I always found it easier to get out and about with my dc on hard days - having a good toddler class with an enthusiastic teacher and lots of other mums watching made sure I couldn't slack off.

It is so tough parenting, I've spent the day trying to get work and housework done while playing with cars, Playmobil, teddies etc. But as a parent we have to just grit our teeth and get on with it. If you have really just ignored her all day when she's begging you for interaction that's not great op and you need to try and just force yourself to do things in small chunks.

But if parenting WAS a job and you were feeling like this, you'd call in sick and then spend the day in bed not interacting with anyone?!

That's the point. You can't be off sick from being a parent, so you have to be kind to yourself to survive it.

Last time I felt like this about parenting, it was Covid. See how you are tomorrow….

I did a parenting course several years ago and the recommended, considered adequate amount of time for one on one fully focused activity with a child is (I think) 20 minutes a day. OP did 30, so very good.

Don’t worry about it, as Scarlett O’Hara said “Tomorrow I’ll think of some way …. after all, tomorrow is another day”
We all have days like that and Mary Poppins isn’t real.