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Original poster

Ex left us for a minor

52 replies

Itsthelittlethingz · 19/10/2023 06:43

Hi all my children's (5 yo) father left in June with no contact at all. Changed number. His mum just said she doesn't see him as he is always with new girlfriend. It was harsh and hurtful but we just got on with it. I was then getting trolled online. getting called a disgusting b*t h etc by various fake accounts. It turned out to be a 16yo who is in a relationship with my children's father (who is 31) She 'cried for him to stop seeing the kids' to which he did. She was angry at him and knew that contacting me would annoy him. She turned 16 in June. The math adds up he was with her when she was 15. All his family have disowned him, but his mum who loves him regardless of what he does. I phoned the police as a duty of care to the girl and my children. But they are saying to the police that the relationship did not start until she was 16. And the girls mum is ok with the relationship. It turns out they have already been interviewed by the police and we're stopped in the airport for potential child grooming Shock. His mum sent me a big text saying they are getting married and are currently engaged. She was being extremely defensive and begging me not to stop her seeing the kids (she had lied the whole time to cover for him so I won't be sending them) social service have told me not to allow the children in his care as they need to risk asses, which of course I won't. no real point to this post just that I've gone through many emotions at first I was so mortified (still am) then resentful of the girl, (I know she is a child) and now I'm hurting again like why has he done this we will never be able to talk to him ever again.

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Original poster
Itsthelittlethingz · 19/10/2023 11:00

bakedbrain · 19/10/2023 10:55

Yes it was kind of you to speak with her, but please don't ever speak to her again.

Firstly, if police or anyone else eventually get involved, you could become cast as one of the groomers – there are older couples who do such things.

Secondly, this "big sister" thing is a screwed up threesome/polygamy dynamic that isn't healthy for either you or an impressionable child.

Thirdly and most importantly, safety of your kids. Again, this man shags children. If you let your boundaries with this couple erode, at some point your kids may come in contact with the paedo.

Fourthly, as sympathetic as you are to her, you don't know what she's capable of. The main culprit is obviously your ex but the fact that she's OK to steal a husband and father already shows a manipulative streak, or at least shows that her emotional issues are so great that she cannot behave decently. Teens can do very unhinged things, OW/OM can do very unhinged things, combine both and well.

Edited

Ok thank you for your advice I appreciate it. The police are already involved as I called them and reported it after I spoke to her, they came and interviewed me and I told them everything and showed any evidence I had. S.services have also contacted me advising me not to send the children to him. The police had already been involved before I knew.

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Original poster
Itsthelittlethingz · 19/10/2023 11:10

OurChristmasMiracle · 19/10/2023 10:59

Regardless to whether she was legal when the relationship begun, it is a massive imbalance of power in the relationship l. This young girl sounds as if she may is very vulnerable.

there is no chance I would allow contact for their dad and their grandmother has no right to contact so I would be removing that also as she fails to see the safeguarding issue of her son dating someone half his age and who is likely to come from a traumatic background.

I would leave the door open for this young woman if she should need it because it sounds like she doesn’t have anyone else.

she is also sounds as if she is searching for confirmation that the relationship is “wrong” and she should leave

This is exactly how I felt, his mum may have felt shame but she had a duty of care to protect the child when she saw her son with her. Instead she turned a blind eye. Therefore I can never trust her with my kids.

That's exactly what I felt she was looking for reassuring her that it is wrong. She said no one else understands him. Trust me he is a complex person.

But it's not my job to save her and show her the ropes. I safe guarded her as best I could now I just want to be as far away from him as possible.

I hope being compassionate wouldn't be seen as grooming but thank you for your concern I shouldn't have told her she is beautiful I was just talking as I would my daughter or any child that may felt broken. It truly saddened me but I should have been more logical.

I feel sorry for my kids they think he's busy working.

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