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Parenting

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Original poster

Failing to feed my toddler, what am I doing wrong? Please advice Quint on how to make her son eat!

44 replies

QuintessentialShadow · 07/03/2008 19:41

Over the last few months meal times have become more and more of a battle, and I am so dreading dinner / tea time. I dont know what to do now.

Breakfast:
He has a bowl of either
Cinnamon Grahamns, Frosted Shreddies, Cheerios and full fat milk, and a small glass of milk (I know they are sugary, but that is all I can make him eat)

Lunch:
Wholemeal roll or double sandwich with rasberry jam, a petit filou youghurt frube, and either fresh raspberries, some strawberries, orange segments, grapes or apple. A carton of orange juice or cranberry and rasperry juice, or an innocent smoothie

Tea time he refuses everything, whether it is spaghetti bolognese, meat, chicken or fish with potatoes, cous cous or rice, variety of vegetables, he will have none of eat and screams for sweets and chocolate and icecreams. He eats none of his meal, and I will eventually make him a wholemeal sandwich. Then he will get a fruit platter or a youghurt for supper.

Can he survive on a diet of bread and rice porridge, youghurts and fruits? I am so sick of the dinner battles, any idea what I could do?

Oh, he eats frankfurters. But not more than once a week.

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fryalot · 07/03/2008 19:44

firstly, yes, he can survive perfectly well on yoghurts, milk and bread.

Secondly, stop giving in and making him a sandwich. If you don't give in, sooner or later he will realise that he is either going to have to eat his tea or he will be hungry. No harm will come to him whilst he is learning this.

Give him his meal (be it breakfast, dinner or tea) and leave him to eat it. If he doesn't, take it away and do not offer him anything else until the next meal time. Do the same.

It will be hard, but he will eat sooner or later, and he won't suffer in the meantime.

If you make mealtimes a battle, they always will be, whereas if you are calm and laid back, it will be much pleasanter for everyone.

fryalot · 07/03/2008 19:46

also, should have said that toddlers' appetites go in waves and at times they just aren't hungry, yet at other times they never seem to stop eating.

As long as he is healthy and doesn't lose any weight, try not to worry about it and leave him to decide what he wants.

Seona1973 · 07/03/2008 19:52

I agree that I would stop making him a sandwich when he refuses dinner. When dd doesnt want her dinner she gets warned that that is it till breakfast and sometimes she accepts that and other times she will eat some dinner - she is a bit older at age 4 but we probably did this since she was 3ish. With ds (17 months), if he doesnt eat his dinner he still gets a yoghurt for pudding but then nothing else till breakfast (except his normal cup of milk at bedtime)

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moondog · 07/03/2008 19:53

Just put food out and leave it.If he eats great,if he doesn't don't comment.He won't starve.It's a really bad idea to just give the stuff they will eat like the Shreddies because pretty soon that really will be all he will eat and that stuff is bad shit.

2happy · 07/03/2008 19:54

My mother tells us that my oldest sister survived for about a year between 2 and 3 on a diet of yoggick (yoghurt) alone.
She appears to have no lasting ill effects!

NotQuiteCockney · 07/03/2008 19:54

How old is he?

Unless he's 5 or something, I'd probably just stop fighting. He'll eat sandwiches, give him sandwiches. Try to convince him to try other foods, but why fight him over this?

I say this as the mother of a 3-year-old who is a) sometimes a giant hassle about food and b) inclined to tantrum massively when hungry.

crokky · 07/03/2008 19:55

QuintessentialShadow - the breakfast and lunch you describe are similar foods to what my DS will eat (23 months old). Similarly he will not have anything that you have described for dinner. I do worry about it, but he is not losing weight and he is tall and I can't see any ill effects from this. It is quite strange but when he was little and breastfeeding, he would eat any food offered. He literally never refused anything at all. But then as a toddler he became very fussy and does not want much food at all.

FrannyandZooey · 07/03/2008 20:01

It's not your job to make him eat
it's your job to provide good food for him and that is suitable for him - the rest is up to him

there's no difference nutritionally between spaghetti and a sandwich

Original poster

QuintessentialShadow · 07/03/2008 20:03

He will be 3 in June.

If he doesnt get sandwiches for tea/dinner, he just screams!

Around the age of 1 he was such a fab eater, and would try anything, but it has gone downhill since. Now he is so fuzzy.

OP posts:

sweetgrapes · 07/03/2008 20:03

I was wanting to start a thread on this. It's my ds (22mnths) all over.

Won't eat anything other than sandwiches, rice cakes, yogurt and apples and a few other things occasionally. (Sometimes bananas) He used to eat everything I put before him and had doubles of everything.

Don't know what to do. Haven't got him weighed recently either so am not sure if he's ok (am going next tuesday to weigh).

Hopefully, this too will pass...

Original poster

QuintessentialShadow · 07/03/2008 20:08

I console myself that at least it is wholemeal bread. And he has now demolished half a pack of german ham.

(I spent so long on dinner today, pork escalopes in flour and breadcrumbs and egg, I only cook from scratch, totally wholesome meals with the expection of the odd shop bought pizza or a ready made turkey escalope to bung in the oven)

OP posts:

FrannyandZooey · 07/03/2008 20:08

why can't he have sandwiches? Sandwiches are a good food
you can serve other foods alongside the sandwich and he may choose to try them as well

Original poster

QuintessentialShadow · 07/03/2008 20:10

Oh he can have sandwiches, I just wish he would have some veg, fish, meat and poultry too, rice and couscous too!

OP posts:

Alambil · 07/03/2008 20:11

QS that amount of food in a day is about 4 times as much that my DS ate at that age (up til about 4yrs old)

I have been to many doctors about him and they all say that if he is alert and growing that it doesn't matter - it REALLY doesn't matter.... he will not starve himself

My cousin survived on baked beans, cheese and marmite sandwiches for about 2 years - she's now a perfectly healthy 31 yr old!

Don't make an issue of it - if he doesn't want dinner, he doesn't get dinner (OR anything else) - he will soon learn that it is whatever is served or nothing... it won't hurt him (he will just have a big breakfast the next day!)

Seriously - DS would eat 1 slice of bread and possibly half a small tin of spaghetti hoops in a day; that was it.

Original poster

QuintessentialShadow · 07/03/2008 20:13

Ohhhh, spaghetti hoops.... Takes me back to my student days, now I want some....

But he is eating now, isnt he? And he is well?

OP posts:

Alambil · 07/03/2008 20:15

Would he eat cold-meat in a sandwich? or tuna or something?

Rice/couscous could be served cold as "salad" type finger food (if you make it stodgey) and hide veggies in it and then just let him graze on it during the day?

Sometimes, kids just don't eat much - my GP's daughter was the same apparently; they are called "sparce eaters" and are fine so long as they are still growing/developing

Would he drink milkshakes? you can hide a LOT of fruit in them - just need fruit, milk and a liquidiser.. ds LOVED banana shakes (1 banana, cup of milk - wizz it up)

Original poster

QuintessentialShadow · 07/03/2008 20:18

He loves milk shakes. But he does not like my home made smoothies. Luckily, getting him to eat fruit is not a problem, he demolishes a fruit platter in minutes.

OP posts:

Alambil · 07/03/2008 20:18

Yes he is eating now - not well, but it is better.

Now, he will have half a bowl full of dry cereal for breakfast and a cup of milk (don't ask!)

then he'll have a school dinner; ranges from sausages and a bit of mash/chicken wrap/pies of some description with cucumber and carrot sticks (his staple on his tray)! then pudding

Tea is spaghetti/pasta letters/noodles and not much else - sometimes he has pudding, sometimes not.

At the weekend he'll have a sandwich for lunch and some fruit, then something along the lines of sausages/macaroni cheese/pasta salad type foods for tea (I am trying to expand his pallate at the moment but it is a slow road)

He won't eat meat other than sausages at school or a TINY bit of roast chicken on a roast meal - and I mean only 4 or mouthful worth

Alambil · 07/03/2008 20:20

I found that when I stopped stressing (and I really do know how hard that is!) that it helped. I let him not eat his dinner and didn't substitute it... I kept his meals that he would eat to things I knew he would eat and am now expanding that.

It is hard to "let go" of this issue but having come out the other side, I can honestly say it is the only way it got better.

Alambil · 07/03/2008 20:22

4 or 5 that is, and I apologise for taking over your thread somewhat!

lyndyloo · 07/03/2008 21:06

Eats fruit! Pah! My Lo eats bean, cheerios and dairy lea and thats it really.

If she ate fruit I would do somersaults!

babybore · 07/03/2008 21:37

Give him his 'main meal' at lunchtime. I learnt to do this with my 20 month old. She never eats much much at all at teatime - too tired.

babybore · 07/03/2008 21:49

My other suggestion would be not to spend ages cooking him a meal. It will only make you doubly frustrated when he doesn't eat it.

Original poster

QuintessentialShadow · 07/03/2008 21:53

His lunch is taken on a bench in the park, or on a bench outside the Church next to his nursery. He likes that, and asks for that. He finnishes half past twelve, then he eats, then he naps. Then we pick up his brother from school, go home and cook dinner. I cant cook twice. After I sacked my au pair, the 2 1/2 hours I get after dropping off, and before picking up from nursery is vital to focus on work, as I have to do cram 5 hours of work into 2 1/2 hours. This means it is not convenient to start cooking a hot meal especially for him for lunch time. I cook what we all eat for dinner, so I only cook once. It suits us as a family.

OP posts:

littone · 07/03/2008 22:32

If you wanted to try your DS eating his main meal at lunchtime to see if it makes a difference could he not have a bit reheated the lunchtime after (eg Monday evening meal on Tuesday lunchtime?

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