Failing to feed my toddler, what am I doing wrong? Please advice Quint on how to make her son eat!

[QuintessentialShadow]

Over the last few months meal times have become more and more of a battle, and I am so dreading dinner / tea time. I dont know what to do now.

Breakfast:
He has a bowl of either
Cinnamon Grahamns, Frosted Shreddies, Cheerios and full fat milk, and a small glass of milk (I know they are sugary, but that is all I can make him eat)

Lunch:
Wholemeal roll or double sandwich with rasberry jam, a petit filou youghurt frube, and either fresh raspberries, some strawberries, orange segments, grapes or apple. A carton of orange juice or cranberry and rasperry juice, or an innocent smoothie

Tea time he refuses everything, whether it is spaghetti bolognese, meat, chicken or fish with potatoes, cous cous or rice, variety of vegetables, he will have none of eat and screams for sweets and chocolate and icecreams. He eats none of his meal, and I will eventually make him a wholemeal sandwich. Then he will get a fruit platter or a youghurt for supper.

Can he survive on a diet of bread and rice porridge, youghurts and fruits? I am so sick of the dinner battles, any idea what I could do?

Oh, he eats frankfurters. But not more than once a week.

spagetti sauce in a sandwich. soup & dip bread in, curry and nan bread - looks like a sandwich by teh time boys filled the bread with curry.
Humus and bread or toast. boiled egg and toast.pizza- folded in half it has to look like a sandwich.
I too have a bread eater.
he eats his veg still frozen as a snack- sweet corn this week, or in soup that he dips bread in. Also eats apple and grapes.
Ceral wise, can;t help, I eat a non sugary cereal so boy hasn't come accross teh other kind. he does seem to prefer it from my bowl over his own tho. sultanas added are a big hit.

He liked hoisin duck pancakes!!! quail eggs and blinis (dont ask), Fajitas and Burritos! At least he did.
I shall make burritos for dinner tomorrow, that way he gets "bread", mince, and some veg.

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Does he like tomato ketchup? When DS was being fussy, I used to dip everything in ketchup and it would suddenly become acceptable. Even to the point of pasta with peas and broad beans with ketchup... yuk, but he liked it. It was only a phase for a few months, and meant I could eventually introduce my own tomato-based sauces, but even now he's not keen on 'wet' food.

Don't make food into a battle. I make dinner for the children and if they don't eat it, no problem. BUT they don't get anything other than fruit after. I do always put something on the plate that I know they like and will eat along side the things I hope they will eat. No point setting yourself up for failure! Your son sounds as though he is eating a pretty varied diet with a normal toddler attitude.

why don't you make up 'sandwich mixes' which are more balanced? Say, blend kidney beans, cheese, and sour cream.

mash and spaghetti are really NOT more nutritious than a sandwich
if it is nutrition we are worried about, that is

if the problem is that we think that children should what what they are given, then that is a different problem but I would suggest people ask themselves why this matters? I don't eat what I am given by some arbitrary person who gives no judgment to my tastes. I don't like spicy food, or garlic, or pastry, or goat's cheese, or olives, or meat, but I eat a very varied and healthy diet and I don't think anyone has ever found me awkward or antisocial or picky to cook for. I would imagine many adults are the same

anyway some suggestions I used with ds when he was at the stage of not wanting to eat many new foods:

pizza (home made - again as good as a cheese and tomato sandwich, or pasta with tomatoes and cheese)
tortilla wraps which you can roll up and stuff with things
pittas ditto

these are quite bready meals so might be popular with your ds quint, and IME are interesting to toddlers when you show them how they can choose things to put inside the bread. We supplied little bowls of different things so he could help himself - IME another popular thing with toddlers

Oh it's hideous isn't it? DS1 went through a mercifully short phase a few months ago when he kept refusing everything we put in front of him. We bit our lips and just took stuff away without a fuss if he wouldn't eat it, and he's now back to his old ravenous self.

One thing you could try to make yourself feel better while he's like this is trying to ensure that all the stuff he does eat is as good as possible. We give plain organic yogurt with fresh fruit in (bananas, blueberries are fave), and I started making my own bread with wholemeal flour, a carrot or a courgette grated very finely into it - if you have a breadmaker it wouldn't be much hassle to sling it all in (we don't, but I have the luxury of a bit more time). If you ever get him onto spag bol again, then I do the same (only a carrot and a courgette ).

Other things we found he'd eat during his fussy period were:

pancakes with blueberries and maple syrup (contains eggs, milk, blueberries, and v little sugar)
small plates of stuff with everything separate: cheese on toast, cherry toms, hummous, steamed carrots, broccoli, smoked salmon, grapes.

Oh yes, as F&Z says, pizza (home made) also a winner - he 'helps' make the dough and then I give him a bit to roll out with his play-dough roller and add topping.

Getting them involved with the cooking definitely a great idea.

I agree with F&Z.

I do not agree with the posters who say if he doesn't eat what you give him don't give him anything, therein lies the path to madness - well major tantrums and an escalation of angst over a quite simple food issue that he will grow out of.

Just make every mouthful count, if he will eat pizza make your own with wholemeal dough (I use a bread maker for this). Put grated carrot and chopped celery with the onions, cook add the tomatoes. then mouli it smooth so they don't know what is in it.

If he eats ham sandwiches buy the best/organic ham you can afford.

If he eats chicken nuggets (although I'm not sure he does) buy organic chicken breast goujons

It cause a big problem for my DD and I when she was little, I was furious throwing away food every day that I had spent hours cooking. Than I accepted I had to pick my battles. She will try almost anything now and sprouts are her fave veg!

There are lots of good ideas here. Love it. Will try it out, especially with regards to hiding food in bread. We have pizza and garlic bread for dinner today so should be safe, as we do it easy on the weekends.

I also disagree with not offering a food alternative, as I dont myself like to eat food I dont like. As a grown up, I have the ability to cook what I like, and I do, so I eat. A child dont have this. He is telling me he doesnt like my food by rejecting it. First step towards making it into a battle is to let him go hungry till next meal, in my opinion. His will is greater than mine. He will turn his nose up on the next meal too, unless it is a sandwich of sorts. I dont want him to get issues with food. I want to offer wholesome and great food, and that he eats it.

Thank you all for many great ideas, it is really appreciated.

'He is telling me he doesnt like my food by rejecting it. '

I agree with what you're saying about offering alternatives, QS, but not sure that I agree with the above. He may well be using food as a means of exerting some sort of control; it's not necessarily that he doesn't like what's being offered, especially if he ate well before. It must be pretty tough being small and never seeming to get to make the decisions, which is why I think it helps to involve them in the shopping, cooking and preparation, in however small a way.

Possibly.

But I think at the moment part of the problems is that his apetite is down due to the extensive use of inhalers over the last month. I just remembered last winter, he was using inhalers from Christmas to Easter, it was the same story then...

Quint I think you are right in what you are saying

just remember it is NOT your job to make him eat and you are NOT failing if he doesn't eat. You would be failing if you didn't offer him attractive and healthy foods when he is hungry. But as long as you do that, you are doing just the right thing.

After having refused food since breakfast, he woke up after his nap and had a large portion of penne in tomato sauce, and half a gala melon.

My dd 20 mo is like this. fantastic eater until about 16 mo.

Today she threw a huge paddy at lunchtime (as she does every mealtime). I left her alone and she screamed for 1/2 an hour. I was crying too.

Currently surviving on yoghurt, cheese grapes, raisins, bananas, scrambled eggs and toast. Will not eat anything like spag bol, shepehrds pie etc (normal type of foods)except Sunday dinner

Have decided to give her vitamin drops instead. Today she has had, shreddies, toast, a corn cracker with philadelphia cheese and a yoghurt. She would have that in one sitting a few months ago It makes me feel better to know I am not alone

I have these problems with mine, too. As others have said, Quint, I wouldn't worry too much. Just keep putting your lovely home-cooked food on his plate and let him eat it or leave it, according to his mood and appetite.

During times when ds doesn't eat at all (unless it's chocolate buttons), I find that eggy bread for breakfast sees him through the day. I have never known him turn his nose up at eggy bread

One thing I had to learn with ds2 was that he wouldn't necessarily eat when I wanted him to - i.e. at meal times. He ate when he was hungry.

It seems obvious but it drove me mad at the time!

Yes, my dd can always find room for puddings and chocolate.... mind you so can I

I think I will try eggy bread. I seem to walk round adding up all the miniscule amounts of what she is eating thinking, well that was 1/2 a portion of fruit and veg, and I suppose yoghurt and cheese have protein in them, and a breadstick is carbohdrate etc etc. It is like a running commentary all the time! Bit like counting calories really.....