DH shouts at 4mo DS when crying

[Eseedeepee]

DH often has 4mo DS for 20/30 mins whilst I read a bedtime book to 2.5yo DS. Baby is often crying as he’s tired, more so the last 2 nights after his 16 week jabs.

On a few occasions DH has cried back at DS - quite loud, not aggressive or angry I don’t think, but a loud shout of ‘aaahhhh’. DS then cries more hysterically after this. I’m then rushing the bedtime book to go and save baby, or shouting down the stairs asking him to stop.

I have asked him to stop as it’s cruel. I just get laughed off/ shrugged off/ told it’s fine “calm down, he’s fine”.For more context he also tells 2yo DS to “stop being a wet wipe” when he’s crying.

Other than this, he’s a good dad. I don’t think he’s doing it out of anger, it’s more like he just doesn’t know what else to do.

What I can do or say to make him stop?

He's not a good dad. He sounds like a bully.

That's quite unkind. In what way is he actually a good dad?

Awful behaviour, quite nasty. Id get the health visitor to talk to him about it and how he should calm a baby

Other than this, he’s a good dad.

I think you need to raise your standards.

He certainly isn't a good dad.

I've read on here people saying the best way to stop a baby crying is for the parent to cry too, except to do it louder to shock the baby. I've even seen it as a meme on Facebook I think.

It's horribly cruel and misguided and is traumatic for the baby as it gives the message that the adult can't and won't help with what is upsetting them.

He's not a good dad at all. You need to raise your standards. Sorry if that seems harsh but your children should come first.

If he doesn't have the emotional maturity to know how f***d it is. Then he is not capable of being a dad.

Please seek support. He needs to be educated and quickly. Please protect your children and yourself.

I think if he can clearly see that it upsets DS and you’ve already spoken to him about it and he’s still doing it, then yeah i wouldn’t be happy either. Some people can be prone to sort of “washing down” children’s emotions as they don’t know what else to do or don’t understand. I think you need to just tell him straight that you don’t like it, DS doesn’t like it and that’s that! Maybe he just isn’t aware how to actually comfort his children, is he much hands on? Maybe he could benefit from a parenting class or proper bonding time to learn how to deal with DS appropriately when he’s upset? What he may see as a nothing situation can actually upset your children as they get older and understand what he’s saying more so it does need to stop realistically even if he does see it as a wind up.

no good dad ever does this!!!! open your eyes and watch your kids, he sounds like he could lose his temper with them very easily!

He's def not a good dad

Delib making a baby or child cry

What's the fuck is wrong with him

If baby is tired /upset maybe you settle then to bed before putting older child to bed

Or you have baby and dad tend to older child

I think you need some good sources of information explaining why babies and children and in fact all humans need soothing, holding, validation and comforting when they show distress. Family support services, a health visitor, or good links to clinical psychologists explaining child development might help. I can't think of any off the top of my head except for Dr Martha Psychologist on Instagram, an excellent psychologist who explains how best to respond to infants, toddlers and children and why.

He’s a dick, and his behaviour is damaging your children.

Often councils do free parenting courses that are online learning style. The Solihull course (named after the place) is a popular one. You want one that covers early brain development and the importance of stable safe relationships for children. Maybe offer to do it together?

It's nasty, bullying behaviour. He can see it upsets your DS, but still does it. And shaming your other DS by calling him a 'wet wipe' when he cries is pretty toxic too.

He’s being abusive to your children. I don’t mean to be dramatic but if he’s doing that to a 4 month and calling a 2 yo a wetwipe, where does it end?? Is he cruel to you too in the name of ‘bantz’? Do you want your children learning this behaviour as they grow and being frightened of their dad? I’d threaten to report him for child abuse and throw him out myself…

That's terrifying for your poor baby, who is looking to his parents to provide comfort. Who would want to scare a poor defenceless child?

Your 'D'H is a dick and a bully

I think because u have wrote this you know this is not ok. You wouldn’t be going to ‘save the baby’ otherwise. I would be extremely concerned leaving the kids alone with him, he sounds vile. And not a good dad IMO

So he's emotionally abusing your children? What good dad would do that?

He is not a good dad.

Oh my lord, he's not a good dad. That's such an awful thing to do to an innocent baby. My baby is around the same age as yours and when she cries, my DH patiently walks her around patting her back, sings to her, distracts her. Your DH sounds like a nasty bully and I wouldn't trust him with my baby. I'm so sorry you have this shit to put up with. I'd rather be a single parent than coparenting with a bully.

Other than this, he’s a good dad
How did I guess you'd post this disclaimer? 🙄
He's not a good Dad at all, your bar for this is pitifully low.

And 'doesn't know what else to do'. Oh SURE. Like he's never realised people tend to hold and comfort babies when upset. He'd have to be extremely thick never to work that one out. Nope, sorry OP, he's abusive.

He sounds horrible and cruel. He’s affecting your baby and DS. I guess he’s doing it because he’s trying to deflect from his incompetence and disengagement. He’s not a good dad or a natural dad at all. He’s a bully.

He’s not a good dad. He’s not a good person. He won’t get nicer, or kinder, he’ll get older but he won’t get better. For the sake of your poor kids, I hope you realise he’s unfit to be a parent, he’s inadequate and unkind, and they should not have a man like him modelling parenting, neither should they have you tolerating it, as you’re just modelling acceptance of the unacceptable.