To lock my bedroom door at night?

[BananaSlug]

My 12 year old is autistic and has never really slept properly at night, some nights she can be up till 5am. I am a lone parent with other children to look after.

At night when we go to bed my daughter keeps coming into my room. I put all the technology into my room (phones/iPads etc) and shut my door, every night my daughter comes into my room 3/4/5 times and tries to take the devices. I usually put them under my pillow but she doesn’t care she still tries to take them. I’m ill at the moment and still have children to take to school I’m actually really not coping because I’m getting NO sleep all night being woken several times throughout the night but still have to get up to get kids to school in the morning despite being woken up repeatedly, she’s also waking them up and it’s affecting them as they are tired in the morning. She has her own device she just wants to take everyone else’s. I’ve come to the conclusion I need to lock my door at night so I’m not being repeatedly woken up. The other night she came in and tried to snatch my phone out of my hand I must have fallen asleep with it in my hand, it scared the life out of me. so because of this I need a lock on my door at night to prevent this happening and to enable me to get some sleep as I’m not a robot I can’t live like this. I was told on another group that I am being neglectful! And that it’s part of the territory if you have kids to be woken at night?! Erm really at 12! No I would imagine most parents don’t think they will be woken up every single night by a 12 year old. So please can anyone help me on what else I can do as right now I can’t continue like this?

Persist and get the melatonin. You must get it.

I wouldn’t normally advise buying drugs over the internet but you can buy melatonin online eg here. Might be worth a try and then at least you know if it helps and if it’s worth pursuing the prescription route.

I'd remove devices completely for a while. I realise that isn't easy though.

Why does she want everyone else's devices?
Just so they dont?

I wouldn't see melatonin as a panacea, it made absolutely no difference to my son who is also 12 and has ASD and ADHD, if anything it made his sleep worse. He would fall asleep very quickly but then be awake for the day at midnight.

My DH and I take turns to sleep in a locked bedroom so we get some sleep, I appreciate it is 100% harder to deal with if you are on your own though. We remove all devices from our son overnight and they are locked away, if we didn't he would be awake all night.

I don't think that's a good idea in case of a fire. A locked door can be broken down much easier than one with a door stop wedged under it.

Lock the door.

Keep the lock on your side of the door . You can quickly unlock it in case of emergency.

You can't pour from an empty cup, and your sleep is paramount to looking after your own children, too.

I'm afraid I'd do the same. It's no way for you or your children to live.

Because shes broken all of her ones and I can’t afford to replace them she will only just break them again. She does have one that works fine but she doesn’t like it she wants the ‘better’ ones that my other children have that they haven’t smashed to pieces.

Have you tried other remedies to help her sleep.

im currently using rescue remedy herbal nighttime drops, they have knocked my 3 DDs out. I also use the Bodyshop lavender essential oil in their room. I can’t use the pillow spray due to potential skin irritation but I have friends that swear by it.

One of my DDs who has suspected autism has never slept well, will get up and down for hours has been going down first time most nights since starting this new routine.

I’ve also been putting the eucalyptus and rosemary breathing balm on her as she has sinus issues, I think it’s helping her breathing which is helping her sleep.

I agree with others on a lock box. Even if she’s getting up to get into it you and your other DCs can sleep through it.

im wary on a door lock in case of an emergency.

I agree with a lock box not kept in your bedroom. You can get ones with holes in the sides to still be able to charge the devices from outside the box. Maybe she could fixate on trying to unlock the box instead of the devices themselves, but at least the rest of you would all be able to sleep.

I don't think that's going to magically solve all your worries, as there are clearly bigger issues going on, but it could be a quick fix to get some more sleep.

https://pipingrock.com/en-gb/products/kids-sleep-melatonin-gummies-natural-cherrylicious-40-vegan-gummies

Why is it dangerous to lock the door? OP will still be able to hear her daughter.

OP the only issue is, if she wants the devices and isn't bothered about waking you up, she will probably bang on the door if she can't open it.

How old are your other DC?

Do you think she would accept the door is locked?

Agree with this. Locked box somewhere communal.

I would try another approach.
Put her in bed next to you, in your room.
See if she can sleep if she has you there.

I don't want to put words in the OP's mouth, but I'm assuming that she would enjoy some time away from the daughter who is terrorising the family.

OP if it helps a child in my family has similar issues. They kept getting out of their room and waking others up (sometimes using violence towards them). The Mum locked the child’s door but social services wouldn’t allow that and instead said the mum should lock her door.

Personally I think locking the child in was most logical. The argument was they wouldn’t be able to escape in a fire but they don’t have the cognitive ability to recognise the fire alarm so would need assistance anyway.

I'm sure a 12 year old girl would hate to be locked in her room and would bang on the door, waking up the rest of the house, anyway.

But she doesn't want her mum? She wants her siblings devices.

I imagine if you locked the door she would just bang on it loudly.

Sometimes, the persistance associated with autim can't be rationalised or reasoned with and it sounds like thats the loop that shes fixed in. You need to find a way for her to be satisfied with the device she has access to. You say you can't afford to replace the device she has - whats 'wrong' with it from her point of view and what can you sort out to make it right? She won't quit. She can't because its become a thing for her. IME the box thing would caused massive reactions / meltdowns and would end up being thrown down the stairs with everything being smashed.

We went through A LOT of devices. It's only the last year that we've seen an improvment in how they are treated. (just 13)

Oh that’s a good point I think the box would make her worse and yes she would likely smash it. I’ve looked at a few and they look like they could open easily if thrown hard enough. She had a brand new iPad bought for her 5 months ago she threw it and smashed it during a meltdown after having it for 2 months, I won’t be replacing it. This was an upgrade from her amazon fire as she hated it (slow / laggy) but I’m not fixing the iPad as she repeatedly smashes it on the wall anytime she has a meltdown. The box idea won’t work then I think she would thrown it till it opens.

its so bloody difficult, I’m sorry you’re living with this.