FIL following sexualised breastfeeding account on instagram

[Anon01010]

At the weekend I discovered that my FIL is following an account on instagram that sexualises videos of women breastfeeding babies and children. There is a link on the account that uses the term ‘super sexy’. The videos are predominantly of Asian women, who appear as though they may be being exploited for money, breastfeeding babies and young children. Some of the videos say ‘click the link for the full video’. The comments sections are full of men. There is no doubt that this is a sexualised page and definitely not one created for women to empower breastfeeding mums. I then found a second Instagram account for FIL where half of the accounts he is following are sexualised accounts of women’s breasts, bums and there is even an equine reproduction account 🤮

As a breastfeeding mum who is still breastfeeding 3 year old DS I am horrified and sickened by this. I feel violated knowing he has potentially watched this kind of content and anything that involves images of children being used for sexual gratification is surely an offence?! I am so angry and worried for my DS. I have expressed my concerns with DP who initially said it was ‘just a bit weird’. Eventually he seemed to understand my view point and we agreed to cancel plans with his father that we had for the following day so we could process what to do next. DP then had a conversation with his father who claims he has no idea how he is following this account and that he hasn’t been active on that Instagram account in 2 years. The account in question have posts starting in April this year and so he is using this as an argument that there’s no way he could have viewed the content. DP has now sided with his father, not even taking a neutral stance, despite the evidence on his other account where he is following multiple other sexual accounts. DP’s (childless) sister has brushed this off as just one of those male things and his mother has claimed I am completely overreacting to this situation and it’s not a big deal.

Before I post anymore about my opinions on this I am really curious to know how others would react in this situation. How would you feel if this was your FIL and what would you do?

Gosh it must really keep you up awake at night, op.

I think if I was worried about child sexual exploitation I'd have to report it to the police.

What do you think?

Ugh. Are there honestly no depths to which male depravity won't sink?

I have looked into this as it was one of the first things to cross my mind. I can’t find any solid information online in terms of whether this is actually a criminal offence or not. From a moral perspective it feels so so wrong to me it makes my skin crawl.

We used to sit and eat lunch in Hyde Park, whenever a mum was breastfeeding g her baby on the park bench, the amount of men that used to do a walk around again to get a glimpse or they'd be blokes filming, it was really gross.

He’s trying to gaslight you all OP. Keep away from him.

That's very creepy. And tbh I think men like that often are very good at minimising their behaviour so it's very possible that he's had plenty of time gaslighting or dismissing his family so they've become accepting of his behaviour, whereas for you coming in with fresh eyes, you're able to identify it for how creepy and inappropriate it is.

I'm not for kink shaming anyone, but if its involving vulnerable women and children then it's a clear no.

I think the difficulty for me even outside of the initial ick, without getting into too much depth, is that it's hard to know what aspect of it he's finding arousing when it's such a natural act between mother and child. Is it simply that a woman has a semi exposed breast and he just likes boobs (in which case there's plenty of alternative material out there), is it the child, is it the act of feeding- it's all gross. And you're not going to know how he's processing it so I think that would just leave me feeling very uncomfortable all round.

I think you're going to need to give your dh some time to process this because he's likely to default to supporting his dad if his dad usually controls the family dynamics. He'll need some time to come round and realise that he can put in a boundary and that actually he should.

I wouldn't be keen on taking ds to see fil, but I equally wouldn't want dh taking ds to see fil without me either as I'd want to be there to supervise the interactions. So I'd try to put some distance in there for now and not do any visits until you and dh have really had time to hash it out as a couple and hopefully provide a united front and hopefully he'll understand your perspective.

I’d seriously limit my contact with him tbh.
its grim but I expect he’s got some perversions around breastfeeding; I doubt it would spell out real life danger for his grandson but I agree it’s horrible and gross and likely exploitation is rife (as in all porn content). It’s also even worse for you because of the fact you are still bf and I can see why you would feel horrified at being in close contact with him whilst knowing now he is looking at this content.
He must be mortified all his family
know what he’s been up to!!!! I expect your DH is shocked- what action would you like him to take? Id ponder this and see what your expectations are. I agree with you it’s abhorrent but I’m not sure what you can really do beyond limit his presence in your life and contact the police but I’m not sure they’ll care much. The french government found in a recent study that 98% of online pornographic content depicts violence against women. 98%! There is a police service where they’ll come to peoples homes and explain the danger of online sexualised scams - eg sending money abroad etc - which is rife- maybe you could contact them and get them to come and explain to him the reality of the porn Industry online etc; it might give him a sufficient dose of humiliation and make everyone in the family wake up to the seriousness of this seedy online content that is real life for some poor women and children around the world. I’d also probably send an anonymous letter to the RSPCA naming him and he might get an embarrassing second visit from them to explain the illegality of sexual relations with animals aswell.

How his wife & kids can endure this is beyond me! Grim.

Sounds like he's playing the 'oh, I don't know what I'm doing on a cell phone' line

Ugh

It's disgusting, if I were in your shoes I couldn't help but think the time he was looking it up would be the time he had seen me breastfeeding. That would be enough for me not to want him to see me or my child again but obviously very tricky as your husband doesn't see just how disgusting it is.

I think I'd probably have the ick with the partner after this, too.

I live with my in laws and my MIL found content saved on his phone with young women's bare breasts being touched etc. she thought he had taken them first hand but they were downloaded. Still disgusting. Makes me sick and not want to look at him. He doesn't know I know.

I don't think you're overreacting. Unreasonable for people to even think that is the case and to dismiss it as "just a man thing"

I'd call the NSPCC and ask their advice wrt contact between your child and this pervert.

I would say a firm Hell No to Christmas gatherings (and any other family gatherings, at their houses or yours) and I would make it clear that this man and his enabler wife and their sad, brainwashed daughter would never be welcome under your roof again. Your pathetic husband can entertain them in the garden shed if they visit.

"potentially watched this kind of content and anything that involves images of children being used for sexual gratification is surely an offence?! "

Your words, op

No excuses.

It's not your job to decide if this is a criminal offence. You think images of children are being used for sexual gratification. It's your duty therefore to report this to the police.

That is very very grim, equine reproduction account sounds hideous as well. I don't think you are over reacting at all.

The only thing I will say is that I use instagram a lot and only follow a small number of accounts, I have definitely had times when my account starts following others I know for an absolute fact I haven't actively done.

However I would have expected him to deny or be quite shocked?

I would also be horrified OP. However, I do know a few people who have had their Instagram accounts hacked in the past. This usually then means they become locked out of the account and it’s usually a scam where the account then starts posting about get rich quick schemes and ‘investment advice’. This doesn’t really sound like that but I would tread carefully!
If this isn’t the case and your FIL really is following the breastfeeding account, I too would find that really concerning and tbh violating as presumably you will have breastfed around him in the past. I also find it quite strange the rest of the family is minimising it so much, I’d be equally if not more horrified if I found out my own dad was into that stuff?? But it sounds like they all believe it’s not him following the account.
You can report accounts on Instagram. Does your dh understand why you are so upset? Speechless about the equine reproduction thing, what’s FIL’s explanation for that one??
I personally would feel a need to get to the bottom of whether your FIL is still using that account or not, why does he have 2 accounts? When did he set up the second account & why? Why did he ‘stop using’ the first account? Has he liked or commented on any of the posts? I would be uncomfortable about being around him in future if I didn’t have the answers to those questions and couldn’t be 100% sure he didn’t follow the accounts himself. I would also really need DH to understand why it is so concerning, but you may have to explain it very gently and it might take him a tiny bit of time (not more than a few days) to come round as it must be a shock to him.
(The more general boob/bum accounts personally I would let go - presumably they aren’t evidently exploitative and all adult content? I’m also assuming those accounts are fairly tame as Instagram doesn’t allow nudity. I mean major ick but I wouldn’t be overly shocked that a middle aged man is looking at women’s bums on the internet.)

OP if I understand from your post your FIL has two instagram accounts? One he hasn't been active on for 2 years and this is the one that is following the BF account, and one that he is active on that isn't following the Bf account but is following some sexualised content?

Just regarding the first account which he hasn't been active on, I had a similar thing happen. I had an old insta account which followed a load of Game of Thrones accounts. What seems to have happened is that those accounts gained massive following and then have been sold to other people (apparently this is very common). I logged back in recently and was shocked to find quite a lot of porn on my feed. Several accounts had become porn fantasy accounts to do with GOT.

I was so embarrassed. The account handles have been changed, all previous content scrapped and just full of quite explicit content. I obviously unfollowed it all

This is really common. You can be following a Friends Fan account one day and then next it's become one trying to sell clothes.

So although the second account sounds dodgy, his explanation of the BF could hold up.

His family have rallied round him because it’s more palatable to them to swallow his lies than stomach the alternative.

unhelpful but perhaps understandable.

However, I’d not be going round there with my son again.

@Museya15 I was sitting next to a breastfeeding mother on a train once, men just kept on going up and down the train to look at her, there was a whole parade of them going up and down, up and down.

I couldn't be around an adult who watched anything sexual that had children involved.

I don't think my relationship with a complicit partner would survive. I have absolutely no issues with anything consenting adults do.

It should be reported but I would be suspicious if it would meet the level for prosecution. But for my children's protection I would pursue it.

Honestly I thought the barely legal was the depts but it keeps going lower.

This.

This is disgusting. Do you BF your own child in front of him/have you done so in the past?

@PurpleChrayne took the words right out of my mouth.

Fucking disgusting and I wouldn't be seeing the dirty bastard again.

https://www.ceop.police.uk/Safety-Centre/

This is the link to report online abuse of children

or
https://report.iwf.org.uk/grp/report

Hopefully you have also directly approached instagram to alert them to these pages

Thank you for your responses everyone, I don’t feel comfortable talking to many people about this in real life so I really appreciate everyone’s input. I have reported the account on Instagram and will report with CEOP as well.

I’m glad to hear that others are just as disgusted as myself by this and that I’m not overreacting as DP and his family think. I have no idea how to move forward with my partner on this who still refuses to see it for what it is. I feel like there has been a lot of gaslighting in this family and this is just another situation where it is happening again so the situation feels beyond help right now.

@Lavender14 everything you have said describes exactly how I feel, it’s like you saw into my brain and wrote everything I’m thinking. The issue I have now is that DP believes this is all some big misunderstanding/not worth falling out over and so I feel he’s giving me nothing to work with. I want to put distance between his father and my son (I wouldn’t punish my mother in law) whilst my partner is pushing to take DS down south on his own to visit them (4 hrs drive from us). He is pushing for more access to them without me there whilst I’m now wanting to restrict access.