FIL following sexualised breastfeeding account on instagram

[Anon01010]

At the weekend I discovered that my FIL is following an account on instagram that sexualises videos of women breastfeeding babies and children. There is a link on the account that uses the term ‘super sexy’. The videos are predominantly of Asian women, who appear as though they may be being exploited for money, breastfeeding babies and young children. Some of the videos say ‘click the link for the full video’. The comments sections are full of men. There is no doubt that this is a sexualised page and definitely not one created for women to empower breastfeeding mums. I then found a second Instagram account for FIL where half of the accounts he is following are sexualised accounts of women’s breasts, bums and there is even an equine reproduction account 🤮

As a breastfeeding mum who is still breastfeeding 3 year old DS I am horrified and sickened by this. I feel violated knowing he has potentially watched this kind of content and anything that involves images of children being used for sexual gratification is surely an offence?! I am so angry and worried for my DS. I have expressed my concerns with DP who initially said it was ‘just a bit weird’. Eventually he seemed to understand my view point and we agreed to cancel plans with his father that we had for the following day so we could process what to do next. DP then had a conversation with his father who claims he has no idea how he is following this account and that he hasn’t been active on that Instagram account in 2 years. The account in question have posts starting in April this year and so he is using this as an argument that there’s no way he could have viewed the content. DP has now sided with his father, not even taking a neutral stance, despite the evidence on his other account where he is following multiple other sexual accounts. DP’s (childless) sister has brushed this off as just one of those male things and his mother has claimed I am completely overreacting to this situation and it’s not a big deal.

Before I post anymore about my opinions on this I am really curious to know how others would react in this situation. How would you feel if this was your FIL and what would you do?

@coxesorangepippin yep and we’ve all heard that one before. Can’t imagine anyone admitting to this kind of thing so I fully expected his response

Absolutely none. Hateful bastards.

"Before I post anymore about my opinions on this I am really curious to know how others would react in this situation. How would you feel if this was your FIL and what would you do?"

Well, the worst case scenario is that FIL is a paedophile or heading that way and his family don't seem to be taking the signs seriously.

I'd be extremely concerned for my child's safety and would not want them anywhere near this pervert.

"DP’s (childless) sister has brushed this off as just one of those male things"
This makes me so angry. Why are men not accountable for their actions just because they are men? Seems like men can do what they like because whatever they do 'it's just one of those male things' with no justification or reasoning.

Before you do anything drastic maybe just check if it's possible the account has been hacked. I've had a twitter account that I rarely used hacked and when I logged in a year or two later it was full of porn in the feed. I just deleted the account immediately as I didn't need it.
But if he's saying he's not used it in a while, it may have been hacked. Just a thought

He’s supporting children being exploited and used for sexual gratification looking at and following those accounts. He’s also suggesting he has some sexual interest in children.

This is child porn.

He should have been horrified and reported it. Anything less and he has nothing to do with my kids.

@ru53 @nibblessquibbles I haven’t ruled this out as a possibility, I kind of wish this was the case tbh. I don’t think his account was hacked as he was able to log in when questioned about it but perhaps the accounts he is following were? My main points/questions on this would be:

1. How likely is it that this happened with both of his accounts? For example, the account he created more recently is following not one but a number of very similarly themed sexualised accounts including an equine reproduction account.
2. My MIL for example also has an account which I don’t think she is too active on yet she isn’t following any accounts like this.
3. In laws didn’t seem too surprised when questioned about this and thought I was blowing things out of proportion - feels like a strange reaction to me unless you E already normalised this kind of behaviour in your relationship/family
4. I guess this is a whole other topic, but if you’re an adult and you set up social media accounts surely you have a responsibility to keep an eye on them to ensure they’re not representing you negatively online?

What do you think?

Trust your instincts OP.

In this scenario how would you get concrete proof?

You won’t, but the stakes have the potential to be high so you can only base your decisions on the balance of probabilities. That said, you don’t need any reason for protecting your kids other than a hunch.

Children are being used for sexual gratification! Call the police!

I’d be minded to report it and let the police do what they will with the intel that your FIL has shown an interest in child porn.

Seriously.. what have I just read.

To play devils advocate- you don't know the account hasn't been hacked.

BUT protecting your child is the most important thing here. I'd never be leaving my child alone with someone who I even suspected of this.

@wereonthemarket there are 2 accounts. Both are following sexualised accounts, granted only one is following the breastfeeding account, however the fact there’s 2 makes it harder for me to believe it was hacked. How likely is it that both your accounts were hacked and ended up following similar accounts?

So to answer your questions.

1. If the account was compromised then it's possible they didn't change the password. Depends on what the objective of the hackers are. Mostly it's to either create followers or takeover accounts. If the former then they may not change the password, hence he can login.

Could easily happen to multiple accounts as people often use the same password for accounts as they are very cyber unaware.

1. The fact it didn't happen to your MIL is irrevalent.. I mean it didn't happen to you either! Typically it's a compromised credential where people have used password for lots of stuff. Check haveibeenpwnd.com for example on the email associated with the account. There are lots of big data breaches that caught older people (ancestry.com was one from a few years back). People also use terrible passwords (Password123 more common than you'd think), your MIL may have a better one!

1. Unsurprised by behaviour... Well that is odd IMHO but without knowing individuals in question it's hard to say sorry.

1. sorry YANBU, I have Instagram account I don't use much set up for a specific reason eg to win a competition. I have "burner" email accounts that I use for signing up to all the stupid newsletters that you have to. I don't feel the need to check these all the time but then again I don't have any personal identifiable information on that or what i do have is wrong (I never use my real DOB for newsletters etc). I mean you are right in that people should be responsible but in reality I don't think it's realistic!

@nibblessquibbles thanks, it’s good to get different perspectives on this.

I have no idea how these account hacking schemes work but would it be typical for them to only follow one account? For example his account is only following 2 people he knows and this breastfeeding account.

my partner is pushing to take DS down south on his own to visit them (4 hrs drive from us). He is pushing for more access to them without me there whilst I’m now wanting to restrict access.
He prefers to appease his parents instead of understanding your concerns (and accepting that his father is a pervert). As a victim of rape when I was a child, I couldn’t live with someone who dismisses this kind of perversion as “a bit weird”, it would be the end of the marriage. Interest in one kind of deviant porn usually means interest in other kinds, and looking at it isn’t a victimless crime.
I hope you’ve told him that he is absolutely not taking your child to them without you.

These are the same blokes who would claim NAMALT and that they're the good guys.

Any man who is sexually gratified by the exploitation of women is disordered and dangerous.

@Anon01010 depends on the objectives of the hackers. Typically they are trying to create accounts that have lots of followers so one tactic is to hack a ton of accounts and make them follow this other account so it then has a lot of followers. They just create a bot that logs in to each account and follows the desired account, that's all they are trying to do.
I mean if he wanted to follow some dodge accounts it would be pretty stupid to do so on a public insta account where other genuine people following him could see. People are stupid so so don't get me wrong, am not saying it couldn't happen. But if I wanted to indulge a secret fetish I'd definitely set up a new private insta that couldn't be traced so easily back to me.

At the end of the day, if it's totally out of character and he admits he had a stupid easy to guess password or uses the same password everywhere then I'd be inclined to think hacked. If on the other hand you see other behaviour that seems odd and it's a pattern or consistent with other things then I'd be inclined to think otherwise.

Nobody hacked those accounts.

I wonder if he'll delete them.

Surely if it had been hacked he wouldn’t have been able to log in?

So sick of men and their grimness (NAMALT).

Thank you again everyone for all of your responses, it’s reassuring that many share the same perspective as myself and makes me feel more assured in the measures I want to take. Of course there is the possibility that some account hacking has taken place but it will be impossible to ever know and my child’s safety will come first. FIL has not unfollowed the account, has not deleted his own account even though he claims not to use it and as far as I’m concerned won’t have reported the BF account. I have reported the BF accounts to Instagram (they have taken no action so far 🙄) and I will contact the NSPCC to get some advice, but it feels reporting the account to the police may be the next step.

I have no idea how I move forward from this with my partner so any advice from people who may have been through similar or managed a big conflict would be greatly appreciated x

Does ‘Disgusting old pervert ‘ fit the bill?