Unusual or normal for an 8 year old?

[Resembledarose]

I have two sons, 8 and 6. Both are summer born, birthdays in mid July. DS8 is lovely but hard work in a variety of ways, he's an anxious, sensitive kid, but also loud and energetic.

His younger brother DS6 had an appointment today that we all had to go to as DH was working. It was already stressful beforehand as DS8 was shouting most of the morning (just making sounds at the top of his voice AAAAH OOOOH BA BA AAARGH OOH etc) BUT he was playing Lego as he did it, and as he rarely plays with toys I let it be.

Anyway we had to wait in the waiting room for awhile and he was crawling on the floor, being quite loud, crawling under the seats and flopping around. I felt like I was telling him to stop the whole time. We played some games like rock paper scissors but basically it was just boring and not much I could do. However during this DS6 largely sat on his chair, swinging his legs and chatting while I continually asked DS8 to sit down, don't go behind that desk, come out from under the chairs etc.

I don't know if my expectations are too high or if this is starting to be unusual for a child of his age. I'm erring towards the latter due to his brother being able to sit fairly patiently. But then I think well there's a range of 'normal' development in younger children and babies and maybe this is the same and what I've described is not all that unusual?

How long did he have to wait? Did you tell him to bring a book or something to do?

I think with only one example of this behaviour it's hard to say. How is he at school? Some kids are just harder work so it's difficult to compare your boys.

Unfortunately, I don't think that's normal for an 8 year old. He should be far more self-disciplined than that, and he should be able to follow your instructions to behave himself. You say you were telling him to stop, but did you really impress upon him to stop that nonsense immediately with your tone and expression? Or was he just ignoring you?

It’s normal. Tell him to stop it. If he doesn’t stop it, put in consequences. I wouldn’t have let him make that noise all morning either.

The above paragraph assumes that he is just an exuberant little boy with no additional needs. If however there is a back story, then I wouldn’t necessarily say the same thing.

Yeah it’s immature behaviour for 8. Usually at around 5 or 6 kids become self aware and don’t want to make a spectacle of themselves. Have you tried the scary whisper? You basically pull the child close and say ‘you’re behaviour isnt acceptable and it’s bothering other people, they all think you’re a Wally’ or something along those lines. Also take book or tablet in future. My child is younger than yours with SEN and he can sit in a drs waiting room for 40 mins no problem.

My 8 year old would probably try and behave like this. He has ADHD. It isn't normal and I have to keep tight control of him. I'd he'd had a book or something to do he probably wouldn't. Then also my youngest is 4 and would be joining in.
We have very strict rules about how to behave and the minute he'd gotten up I'd be on it. I find that if I give him an inch he'd take a mile and then wouldn't know when to stop.to be honest if we go somewhere with a lot of waiting and the need to be quiet he takes his switch.

It sounds like what my 2 year old does tbh. Minus the rock the rock paper scissors.

Oh and @Dessertinthedesert makes a good point. Did he have anything to keep him occupied? I do not mean a tablet.

I spend a lot of time travelling on trains where small children are expected to amuse themselves with absolutely nothing - no reading books, colouring books, small toys, stories to listen to on headphones, etc - most children soon get bored with just looking out of the window. It’s not fair on them.

My 6yo son would have really struggled in that situation with nothing to do and I would be extremely self conscious about it. I have a dedicated backpack full of 'special' colouring books, nice gel pens, sticker books, card games and magic paintbooks that I take if we're ever going anywhere where I want my kids to sit and be quiet. Basically it's all slightly better stuff than they generally have at home to try and keep the novelty going.

If none of that was working, I would give them my phone as a last resort, but I can't recall that I've had to do that very often if at all.

I would hope that by 8, I might not need to be quite so 'on it' but I also know that my son is quite impatient, and has been since he was a baby. I can already tell my 3yo daughter will not find those situations as challenging as she gets older.

No that does not sound normal for an 8yo

It sounds more like a pre-schooler, tbh, but the "just making sounds" at "the top of his voice" is something that even pre-schoolers can control to at least some extent (learning a quieter "indoors voice" might not get perfect results in the very young, but some progress is possible and the attempt should be underway (with lots of positive reward when they get it right).

Bottom line is that noisy DC are a nuisance - people will excuse it in the very young, but it'll still have a deleterious effect on those nearby, because that it what noise does.

DS(6) sounds normal and his behaviour is a fine. So I suspect the issue is with DS(8). What do his teachers (coaches, Cubs leaders, etc) say about him?

No, that's not normal for an 8 year old.

He wasn't loud while waiting to be fair, just at home. And luckily no one else was in the room but the receptionist and I was aware the door to the appointment room was ajar.

No we didn't have anything with us which is my fault as I just didn't have anything to hand when we left - it was also an appointment I was expecting to go straight into, again my fault for not pre-empting the wait. It's a good point that it's perhaps not fair of me to expect him to cope. Longer waits/drives I always bring some bits and pieces that are new/different.

Sometimes pens and paper will distract as he loves to draw but not always, I should in future always make sure I bring something. At his age I would sit and read but he wouldn't. I guess because his younger brother can sit and talk to me if waiting that amount of time (10-15 mins) I maybe sabotaged the situation by telling myself they should both be able to when the older one clearly can't and it's my job to allow for that. Just to add I wasn't sitting on my phone or anything, I was actively engaging with them.

I'm very firm and he comes back and sits but then starts up again moments later. I feel incredibly ineffectual but my tone, touch etc makes little difference. I've tried gentle, hissing angrily, raising my voice, distracting etc. He avoids eye contact in that mood. Pointing out how he looks to others seems to make the sort of disconnect from me worse.

I feel bad always comparing them but it's difficult not to.

Sounds like my 2YO tbh. The fact that your younger child is sitting nicely and chatting is the biggest indicator that it’s not typical behaviour.

Just to add it's fine to say that you wouldn't let him shout all morning, I do get it because if I just had my youngest I'd say the same and would think of my post as an ineffectual, quiet parent.
But I honestly don't know how to make him stop being loud if he doesn't want to. I can't force him to close his mouth. He doesn't stop, asking him not to do things makes him do it more half the time.

It's a very different experience parenting DS6 who I can impress my point upon and he will connect with me, engage, make eye contact and stop the behaviour.

I work in primary school across all ages. At 8 ( year 3?) that would be unusual. Chn that behave in that way at my school have ADHD diagnoses. Could that be a possibility?

My 8 year old son is incredibly impulsive with loud noises and sudden movements. I'd were walking down the street and he sees a pole, he climbs it. If there's a wall he manages to scale it and walk along it.

He is loud, very loud and struggles to keep the volume down. He is very popular in school and I feel he is very switched on socially. He is just an incredibly loud and physical person.

I would be having assessments for ASD and ADHD. That is not normal behaviour for an 8 year old.

Doesn’t sound typical for an 8 year old, especially when comparing with your 6 year old’s behaviour.

The avoiding eye contact plus the noises makes me think an ASD assessment could be worth pursuing.

To be honest, my 3 year old sounds very similar and I wouldn’t be surprise if she ends up with a diagnosis for both ASD/ADHD.

Not typical 8yo behaviours to be crawling round the floor in a waiting room. Most 8yos would be sat reading a book or playing I spy.

My biggest question here is does he behave this way in school?

I have two sons who are the same age. If my older son started behaving like that now I would find it completely unacceptable. He knows that (and the various loss of privileges that result) so he wouldn't. Or maybe he wouldn't want to. He could easily have behaved like this at 5 or 6, but I think 8 is too old for a neurotypical child to be acting out in a quiet place like this.

Maybe he doesn't think it bothers you that much?

It's starting to possibly creep out at school - I've heard about it at after school club a little, which he goes to twice a week. I'm waiting to see how parents eve with his new year 4 teacher goes in a few weeks.

School has always been a huge source of anxiety for him and a real struggle to get him in. He has special way he goes in now, separately and earlier to the other children. I think he generally holds it together at school because he's at boiling point by the time we get home. I think school he's probably more timid and quiet. He has friends at school but the friendships don't seem straightforward. Maybe that's normal at this age too though.

He knew I cared about his behaviour in the waiting room, I was very clear. In the moment I don't think he cares that I care. Or in fact I think my caring about it sometimes seems to spur him on in some way.

Also just to clarify I said he was quite loud, then said he wasn't - I just meant he didn't make the noises as I described at home when we were waiting. His speech was just a bit loud. I can't seem to edit the post again.

Sometimes I think he's maybe nd in some way, other times I think I'm pathologising him and maybe in the past it'd just be seen as a temperamental thing.

Who arranged the special entry to school? School must be aware of some issues to allow this.

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-adhd/symptoms/

I don't think it's definitely normal or abnormal. Could be an energetic, young for age child. Or could be ADHD.