Newborn won’t let me put her down. Help please!

[Jolio123]

I’m feeling low at the moment. My DD is 2 weeks old and I’m EBF. She was born via induction with forceps, not sure if this has impacted her clingyness. She just won’t let me put her down without being unsettled and crying. I feel I’m in a constant cycle of feed, nappy change and sleep. She is feeding every 1hr 30mins usually which is exhausting in itself. At night we have a next to me crib which she has managed to sleep for an hour in before being unsettled and taking ages to resettle, she then will only resettle by co-sleeping/bed sharing which I am doing safely as per guidelines. I don’t want to bed share forever. I don’t want to be breastfeeding every hour forever. I feel guilty saying all this but I’m finding it so hard right now it feels like a never ending cycle of ground hog day. How do people love the newborn stage?! Any advice appreciated

It's so hard at this stage OP. I promise she won't be breastfeeding every hour forever. Hang in there, things will get easier soon.

Babe this was me 3 months ago (dd 13 weeks old) and also EBF. She's a newborn and basically wants her mummy! Unfortunately it is just you she wants and the BF WILL get better she will go longer periods 2-3 hours during the day and night . You are in the thick of it right now but it does ease. We also bed share, absolutely not planned and not ideal but do u know what, we all sleep and at this point that's all that matters. I plan to sleep train baby at around 4-5 months old which is the recommended age. Newborns just aren't able to do that and the cot is so empty and she will want contact naps with you :) please don't worry it DOES get easier I promise!!

It’s normal. I know that doesn’t make it easier, but she’s not clingy or unsettled, she’s just a normal 2 week old.

The first couple of months are really really hard.

Co-sleeping will help you get maximum rest, especially once she doesn’t need constant nappy changes - after a while you just pop a boob out and doze while they feed them straight back to sleep.

Other than that get as much help from others as you can, and just try to rest when you can.

@Starfish125 thanks for this, it feels like I’m never going to come out the otherside and just want to cry all the time. When did your little one start to go longer between feeds? My OH feels a bit lost as he can’t settle her at all and she just wants to feed. I dread visitors because it wakes her meaning I need to feed her sooner. She has however put on lots of weight and only lost 1% of her birth weight when midwife visits at 5day check up. So my milk must be good lol!

For the first 3 months your baby will not realise that she is separate to you. It's very hard but it will pass. Try and look after yourself and rest whenever you can.

It's brutal, isn't it? Especially when it sounds like you need to be recovering from a difficult birth yourself.

The good and bad news is: there's nothing wrong with her. She's behaving like a newborn. It sounds like she is cluster feeding - that's a good thing for your milk production and her growth which will lead to longer stretches of sleep very soon.

I think the best approach is to ride it out, take each day and night as it comes. Sleep whenever you can- it's hard when it's your first child to get used to sleeping during the day, and going to sleep when you know you'll be woken up in less than an hour- it's a huge adjustment and you feel like you've destroyed your life. But you haven't. It will be over before you know it.

You could try things in the meantime -
Swaddling, baby wearing, white noise machine etc. but really she just needs to get a tiny bit bigger and things will ease up.

It is SO hard and draining these first few weeks. Someone told me the first 6 weeks are the toughest and after that things just seem to settle, in a lot of cases before this 6 week mark too but myself I found that to be the case, I'm 4 months in now and I could of wrote what you said myself just a few weeks ago. I kept getting poorly as I was so drained-like yourself being the sole feeder is hard as no one else can do a feed for you it's bloody tough and the constant wanting to be cuddled is hard going too I really feel your pain.

All I would say to you is make sure your eating plenty to keep your energy levels up and your milk supply strong, just admit defeat with the settling, she's so new all she knows is you and your smell, she wakes up in a dark strange place all she knows is you and wants you, it's draining I know but at the same time it's the most beautiful feeling in the world. Also the minute I gave in and admitted defeat it was easier, everything around me I thought it will just have to wait, the house will have to messy a little longer as long as baby is fed and happy then everything else can wait. Oh and visitors! Bloody visitors 🙈 I was very strong this time and seen hardly anyone I only had the grandparents mainly to be kind and that was limited as I just put us first that's a biggie, my uncle only met mine the other week it's not being selfish it's putting yourself and baby first.

Try to make the most of sitting around and watching crap tv, my go to was binge watching don't tell the bride, towie (from the very beginning!) 6 part dramas, if I couldn't get out to the shop one day I didn't feel bad or useless I just went with it and though oh we'll always another day.

This phase feels like forever when your in it but trust me your blink and she'll be so grown up, also I think the minute you relax and chill out then she will settle a lot better. I did notice that with my little one, the minute I just went with it she became so much easier.

Sorry for long post but I really do understand and was there myself very recently and if I'm only 4 months in and can tell you it gets easier then your not far off yourself. Be kind to yourself and to your little one, soak it all up and take care of yourself 🩷 eat whatever the hell you want watch whatever you want just try to spin it and enjoy it all while you got an excuse too before your running around a busy toddler 😆

Ps I found an online breastfeeding group which I found so helpful just reading other people's current experiences really helped me as I didn't feel alone.

Not sure if this will help you, but I found thinking of my babies as little animals helped. She's just like a new born kitten who just wants to cuddle with her mummy and eat. Stay in bed with her as much as you can. That's your job. Let dp and visitors do everything else. And huge congratulations on the weight gain-that is absolutely incredible!

Aw op I remember the feeling well, Groundhog Day is exactly right but you’re doing everything right and it really doesn’t last forever. Getting into the right mindset of this is it, it is what it is for now, really helped me come to terms with it.

I’ve attached some screenshots of my babys feeding habits in month 1, 3 5 and when she started sleeping through the night at 9 months. Feeding is orange sleep is green.

the days feel long but the weeks are short! The time passes so quickly. Mine is a little over 1 now and until this week was bf 8 mins twice a day. But today after a bout of illness she’s wanted boob about 8 or 9 times and I’ve fed for over 2 hours total. Nothing else would settle her. The magic of boob.

get some good snacks and sweets in, get a nice water bottle and get your bedside table set up ready for the nightshift, find your ear phones and put your phone on night mode and watch some Netflix etc! Gilmore gilrs/downton abbey etc

Look, it will get better, but at the moment you are right in the thick of it. Your baby only wants to feed and sleep and wants the only thing she has known as a source of comfort for the last 9 months, you. Cluster feeding is a thing, and for a little while you are going to be on demand basically.

Your dh can help, he can take baby as often as possible, change nappies, wind after feeds, take her for walks, have lots of cuddles with her so she gets to know him as well, and hopefully give you the odd chance to sleep. And he can help you, cooking, cleaning, bringing you what you need, etc.

It will get better, it will get easier. It has to, you won't still be dealing with this when your child is 10. You know that. But by God, it's tough in those first few weeks. But for now, if you can accept it is what it is, and hunker down and sleep when you can, (none of that 'sleep when baby sleeps BS, just when you can) you will get through it.

My DD was like this. Then someone gave us the book Happiest Baby on the Block, which recommended swaddling and white noise (while baby is under 3months i believe). My DD loved it, it was a revelation

She just won’t let me put her down without being unsettled and crying. I feel I’m in a constant cycle of feed, nappy change and sleep. She is feeding every 1hr 30mins usually which is exhausting in itself. At night we have a next to me crib which she has managed to sleep for an hour in before being unsettled and taking ages to resettle, she then will only resettle by co-sleeping/bed sharing which I am doing safely as per guidelines

Normal. Bone achingly hard but normal at 2 weeks old. Probably for a fair few weeks more as well.

I don’t want to bed share forever. I don’t want to be breastfeeding every hour forever

Gently, you are catastrophising. I can only say this because I did exactly the same with my first. Each hour probably feels like a lifetime right now but time is passing. Phases are passing. I can promise you you won’t be breastfeeding hourly forever.

How do people love the newborn stage?!

I genuinely don’t know. I’m 11 weeks into my second newborn rodeo. Whilst it has been infinitely better a second time round (mostly because I know it won’t last forever, as above) I have still not enjoyed it at all. I thought I was one and done when DS1 was a baby I hated it that much. But the tiny baby stage is really short in the overall scheme of things. I wanted another child, another human. You just gotta survive this shit part to get it.

My son was exactly like this and I thought it would never end, DH and I took turns doing shifts at night for the first couple of weeks and then I started cosleeping.

By 6 weeks DS was sleeping 4 hour stretches in his next to me and it felt like a miracle! It will get better and safe cosleeping is worth it to save your sanity.

Oh love, I remember so well feeling like this. It’ll get better really soon, probably a couple more weeks, but this bit is really hard I know. Swaddling and very loud white noise might buy you a bit more sleep.

Thankyou all so much. I’m in tears reading all your replies I just need to get through these next few weeks and it seems there is light at the end! DH is being as helpful as possible although he gets frustrated for me with the constant feeding as he feels helpless. I’ve come close to formula feeding just for ease but as my DH says, I’ve done so well with her weight and persevered this long I’d be silly to sack it in now right? She’s cluster feeding tonight and getting frustrated and tired making it all harder. Feel like I barely get a chance to pee before my boobs are beckoned again.

Oh, week 2 of breastfeeding a newborn. I remember it well, sort of anyway. Peak breakdown.

The good news is your baby is entirely normal. They're so tiny at that age but growing so fast. They can't take much milk at a time but need more quickly. It will pass. They also need a lot of comfort, pretty scary being separated from all you've ever known for your 9 months of existence.

I tried to hard to get my first to sleep in the crib. The 2nd i coslept with until he was happy being put in his cot. So much easier for both of us.

If she's really unsettled you might want to try cutting out dairy. 2nd had cows milk protein allergy, in hindsight 1st might have too. Hard for them to settle when they're uncomfortable.

Go easy on yourself. If your baby will accept a bottle then express, sleep early and get your partner to do the evening shift.

Also, the only people who love the newborn phase had super easy babies. It's hard, it's a massive shock when you have your first, and it feels like it'll never get better. It does.

Very hard but very normal. Congratulations on your daughter op.

You are in the thick of it. In the hazy sleepless hell.

I bought a v shaped pillow and wedges myself between that on my bed and slept with my son upright on my chest until he was in a deep sleep and I'd get him down on my bed and remove the pillow. Cosleeping and sidefeeding saved us

Oh gosh this brings things back. I remember posting on a forum I was on then just basically begging someone to tell me it would be easier. I promise it will, even though it might not seem like it yet

The best advice I can give you is please find a really good local BF support group. Feeding every 1hr 30m MIGHT be normal for her at this stage but it might be that you can tweak your latch to make it more effective. And you'll get to chat to other new mums who are going through similar. (I've been a peer supporter at one of these for 10 years, so I know what I'm talking about! Look for one run by an IBCLC if you can).

I do understand. It WILL pass and as @VivaVivaa says it's so much easier even if it's hard the second time, because you know everything will pass and you trust it.

@CocoPlum my midwife suggested a breast feeding group they do every few weeks I might attend actually! I think some of the feeding is comfort more than hunger… as she will sleep on me for 3hrs going without a feed. But if I disturb her nap she will only settle down again with boob! I bought some dummy’s (I know some people disagree) tried once but it threw off her latch the next time so I stopped immediately. I may try again in a few weeks when more established?

You have to wrap and swaddle her. My mum inlaw showed me this after I was stressed out

She's started to go longer from about 10 weeks I would say? Which seems ages away for u I know but the weeks FLY by!! Honestly as cliche as this sounds, enjoy the newborn snuggles because it really does become a distant memory xxx

Oh god I feel for you this was me a few months ago! It does get better I promise. I was told to remember they call it the 4th trimester because baby still feels like they are part of you so doesn't want to be put down.

Definitely if you have a breastfeeding group local to you it's something I found really valuable.

If you can express and get dp to do one feed so at least you can get a bit of a longer sleep. It might take a bit to build up enough though.

I actually don't know how we mums survive those first few weeks with so little sleep but it will get better, even the nappies ease upxx

It's ok to put her down and take a few minutes.

Mine are in their 20s now but I clearly remember the newborn stage! When it got too much I'd put them safe, grab a coffee, have 5 minutes at the other end of the house then go back better able to cope.

I loved the newborn stage at the time but looking back I don't know why lol, it was brutal! If you have someone who can supervise, you could nap whilst she's napping on you, if not embrace the chance to binge watch a load of TV. I highly recommend Lyndsey Hookway on Instagram, lots and lots of really reassuring posts about normal baby sleep. Also Lucy Webber who is the equivalent for breastfeeding, she has a pinned story linking to a post about 3-4 week olds which might be particularly pertinent.

Early advice as my baby isn't here yet but I have been reading a baby book and a page just on this about how they just smell the milk and it can be so hard to settle ebf babies because of the smell. Suggestions were:

• get DP to settle if feed not sure
• put crib on DP side
• wear DP hoodie to mask milk smell

not sure how these all work in practice !