Newborn won’t let me put her down. Help please!

[Jolio123]

I’m feeling low at the moment. My DD is 2 weeks old and I’m EBF. She was born via induction with forceps, not sure if this has impacted her clingyness. She just won’t let me put her down without being unsettled and crying. I feel I’m in a constant cycle of feed, nappy change and sleep. She is feeding every 1hr 30mins usually which is exhausting in itself. At night we have a next to me crib which she has managed to sleep for an hour in before being unsettled and taking ages to resettle, she then will only resettle by co-sleeping/bed sharing which I am doing safely as per guidelines. I don’t want to bed share forever. I don’t want to be breastfeeding every hour forever. I feel guilty saying all this but I’m finding it so hard right now it feels like a never ending cycle of ground hog day. How do people love the newborn stage?! Any advice appreciated

not sure how these all work in practice !
@Mangotango39 sadly they usually don't work...

Feeding for comfort is totally normal and it's good really, you basically have a magic potion that can settle her. It does get easier at 6 weeks- my babies stopped pooing in the night at that point so we didn't have to change nappies and pit the light on!
I found it better if I didn't look at my phone or check the time during the night, and stay in bed till 10am if I needed to. Obviously not with my second!
Every week it gets easier.
I co slept with mine until they were 3 and they were still regularly getting into my bed in the middle of the night till about 5 but I can't remember when it last happened now. Everything is a phase.

@Mangotango39 @Philandbill I thought logically if I wear a tshirt to bed she might not smell the milk but I was wrong 😂 DH does manage to settle her at night more so then me, but then as soon as she’s unsettled we both lose patience in our sleep deprived state and just put her next to me. I wonder if I should keep settling her in the crib but after 3/4 tries it’s just draining to continue at midnight

You are going to have the most incredible bond, and will come out of this cluster feeding frenzy with a really healthy child! Nobody else can do what you’re doing right now. Treat this as your time together and let your husband pick up the slack with regard to the rest of life ( please tell him how much you appreciate this!)

He will have his chance to get close too, but at the moment your baby is telling you what she needs.

Huge congratulations to the three of you 💐.

You’ll look back and laugh one day 😀.

Dammit puts book in bin
😁

I second the swaddling. We also used to prewarm the crib with a hot water bottle before putting baby down. Against sleep guidelines, we did give her a comforter to hold as she seemed to love having something in her hand. We also did split shifts during the very unsettled periods (10 / 20 / 30 mins each whatever we had patience for at the time).

It is so so hard. At 2 weeks you are also right in the thick of the emotional turmoil too, and trying to recover from the birth.
People say 'enjoy the newborn snuggles' - I can't imagine many people enjoy it - newborn is pretty hellish in my opinion!
Other posters have said so much already. It will get easier. Not for a while unfortunately, but it will (and then you'll forget how bad it was and probably be bonkers enough to have another one!).
Sending strength - and congratulations.

It’s so normal and so hard! They’ve spent their entire time inside you and now they’re adapting to life outside. You’re the comfort blanket. The feeder. The safety. It gets easier, I promise.

If she was born with forceps, it would be worth visiting a cranial osteopath. My
First was a forceps delivery and she would only really turn her head to one side, hated breastfeeding on one side and was so grouchy. Two visits to a cranial osteopath and she was like a different baby, I noticed the difference that first night after the appt. Turned her head properly and much less grouchy.

If you don't have a stretchy wrap for baby wearing then get one asap, they are an absolute godsend. Google your nearest sling library to try different ones for peanuts. I decided that safe planned co-sleeping was easier and safer than falling asleep upright feeding her and I got a lot more sleep that way.

It's really bloody hard with a newborn, the co-sleeping and baby wearing were my saving grace, especially with no 2 and 3 as I already had another child(ren) to chase after and it meant baby got the contact with me that he craved.

Hang on in there, you've got this 🥰

This. 🙂Mine are teenagers now and I still remember how hard the newborn stage was with DD1. Co-sleeping saved us at night. DD2 was a better sleeper (or was that because we co-slept from birth or my expectations were lower...?)

Honestly nobody really loves the newborn stage, it can be really rough. Keep doing what you're doing OP. The feeding is important to build up your supply at this stage, cluster feeding is entirely normal. The Co sleeping will help to regulate her, and when you're up and about put her in a baby carrier. Think of it as an investment and the pay off will be a calm, well fed, contented baby. It will get easier, I promise!

Please don't feel guilty for saying it's hard. You can love your baby with every bone in your body and still absolutely hate the new lifestyle of never sleeping or relaxing or washing or eating or sitting down- anyone would!
Have you got a sling? Xx

You are doing ok
This is totally normal for a 2 week old but it will not last for ever.
This is the "fourth trimesta" - your baby still feels that the womb is where she wants to be. She will get used to being out here in the world as her senses and faculties keep developing, and she will be more settled.
No stage lasts for very long. You will be ok and so will she.

You can do a formula feed or two (a pre mixed liquid one) and get a bit of sleep and then continue to breatfeed btw - your hubby saying that formula is giving up isn't right it just means you're trying something and then you can stop if it doesn't suit.

Have you got a Hakka? This fixes to the other boob and catches the leak if you keep doing this you can probably get a bottles worth every day or two and give to DH to feed while you're sleeping

It will change op.
Get someone to hold yer for you whilst you nap/shower.
She's tony and been in your body fir 9 months. Of course she wants to be next to you.
Try to sleep when she sleeps.
This time will pass in the blink of an eye, I promise.

She's TINY. Not Tony. Obvs!

Also moses basket and floor bouncer.

Mine would never let me sit for 5 min but I would bounce them or rock them in the basket and they would stop.

@user1478639495 wow Thankyou for this, it has really helped me today I feel a bit more positive and just trying to get through it and not put too much pressure. I had been trying to get out for walks or to local coffee shop which I find fine on the way but it’s then coming home I get all emotional again and she cries or I then start bleeding heavier I regret leaving the house!

The visitors….. I never knew that would be the most frustrating bit!!! They want to hold baby which then throws her off and I’m left feeding forever and a day to try and calm her again. It’s the constant “how are you?” Which I know comes from a place of love but it makes me well up and I then try and cover it.

Im glad to hear that I’m a few months time I’ll hopefully be at a more enjoyable stage

Try taking her to a cranial osteopath. Forceps delivery can cause neck and back issues so it's possible she's in pain/uncomfortable.

Yes I agree, see a cranial osteopath. If she was born with forceps it's entirely likely she has tension that makes laying down uncomfortable/painful.

Oh bless you, I do hope I've helped, I don't really have anyone to talk to as whenever I have with this sort of stuff I just get those looks and eye rolls so I keep it to myself but I really have found these things helpful and to be honest it's how I have been surviving. I've had to really hold my own and be as strong as I can with the visitors they mean well but being blunt, they are a pain in the ass most of the time. I get the whole getting out to coffee shops, just to do some normal things it's good absolutely but early on I wouldn't bother 😂 fair play to you for actually getting there but again I feel your pain afterwards or even while your still out, the bleeding the after pains the cramps, it's never ending. Definitely don't put any pressure on yourself, as long as your little one is happy then you'll be happier and you know what, if you end up doing one thing in your day that isn't feeding/changing nappies/settiling then take it as a huge bonus, your doing great and all this is totally natural. Sending lots of love to you and your little one ❤️

@chillipod hi I realise this is an old thread but was wondering how you got yours to sleep in the next to me after co sleeping?
At 3/4 weeks old mine decided he didn’t want to be anywhere but with me so to get rest we co sleep but I’ve been really worrying about how to get him back into his next to me. Any tips would be really appreciated.

Hi, I've name changed

The Love to Dream arms up sleeping bags helped us loads and I put one of my worn tops on the mattress like a fitted sheet so it smelled like me. Also used to do the "arm drop test", if you can raise and (gently) drop their arm 3x in a row without them stirring, they should be in a deep enough sleep to put down without waking.

Don't stress too much about cosleeping if you're doing it safely, we went back to cosleeping for at least part of the night when DS was older (about 8-13mo or so) because that's what got us all the most sleep through various illnesses/teething etc. He's 2 now and still wakes at night sometimes, but mostly sleeps all night in his cot and naps brilliantly in there too. There was a time I thought this would never happen but they figure it out, everything is a phase! Congratulations on your baby

@Tommymummyft thanks for bringing me back to this post! My girl is now 4 months old and sleeps in her own room! We still co-sleep from about 5am as she gets unsettled from then. They do just go through phases. As long as you remain consistent and try not to stress too much they will get there in their own time!

I too done the worn t-shirt as a base in her crib so she settled better and we used the love to dream swaddle until she started rolling. I also switched to formula feeding and this made her a lot more settled/content.

The first month it's literally non stop feeding and nappy changes. After a month things seem to settle down a bit. I would not start co-sleeping because it's a hard habit to break. People are always on MN asking how they can stop their 5 or 6 year old co-sleeping but it's hard for the DC because it's all they have ever known. I'd advise to put baby back in their moses basket or cot after every feed. If the grizzle just rock it.