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Original poster

Second Child's First Birthday

32 replies

MrsSamR · 29/09/2023 14:39

Hi all,

I have 2 DD - my eldest is 3 and my second is about to turn 1 next month. For my first's birthday we did the classic throw a party, invite all our friends and family and bought gifts, made a cake etc. It helped that her birthday is in the summer which makes this a lot easier and naturally as she was our first we were excited and wanted to celebrate!

Now my second DD's birthday is coming up and I feel really guilty as we won't be having a party - her birthday is in October so the weather is unlikely to be good and our house is too small to host people. We'll likely go for a pub lunch and invite just the Godparents and close family. Similarly, with regards to gifts, we have lots of toys which are her older sister's and are still in really good condition and ditto for clothes. I don't want to spend money for the sake of it but equally feel bad not getting her anything! I put money into each of the girls' savings accounts each birthday/Christmas/christenings etc so can I just put extra in there instead?

What did you do for your second or subsequent children's birthdays?

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Wnikat · 29/09/2023 14:42

No need to feel guilty, the baby doesn’t care, just to big on their 3rd birthday when they’ll be more appreciative

ShirleyPhallus · 29/09/2023 14:44

We did basically the same as you. It’s fine, the 1st birthday of a 1st child is really a celebration for the parents of surviving the first year!

WeightoftheWorld · 29/09/2023 14:45

Our situation is different as we didn't do much for our first child's first birthday anyway. We went to a free local festival in a park and invited family to come and meet up with us, a few did. That was on the weekend, her actual birthday she was in nursery. DC2 has the same birthday as a relative so the plan was to get a takeaway lunch from a local cafe with family to celebrate both, but we ended up having to do it a week later as DC2 was unwell on his actual birthday.

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3 year olds Events & celebrations Families General parenting

gemloving · 29/09/2023 14:47

Did the same. I had a party at home just us as a family and my parents (we were abroad where my parents live). It was lovely. No pressure and no need to feel guilty xx

midtownmum · 29/09/2023 14:48

Yeah, I agree with the others. You know by the time you have your second that the child does not care so I would either not bother or just do something small.

Original poster

MrsSamR · 29/09/2023 14:51

Thanks everyone - you've made me feel much better! I try so hard to treat them "the same" but it feels such a waste to buy her a load of gifts! Her birthday is actually the same day as her Grandad's so I guess that will make it special too!

OP posts:

Tothepoint99 · 29/09/2023 14:57

We did exactly the same...party at home for the eldest vs the youngest was a pub lunch with half the amount of invitees. Less stress for us, baby doesn't know or care, fun still had by all!

Dyra · 29/09/2023 15:54

Pretty much the same as everyone else. Party for my first (lockdown luckily had lifted at the time). Truthfully I don't really remember what we did for my second. I think we just stayed in and opened presents. Grandparents may have come down. I don't remember, and the photos tell me nothing!

skkyelark · 29/09/2023 22:04

We had a birthday tea, just us, and then a day out for DD2 (to an aquarium). The plan is that the day out will become part of the birthday tradition for both DC.

For presents, we did get DD2 her own little soft doll and a couple of new books, but mostly I wrapped up old things of DD1's or things we'd been given when DD2 was born that she was now growing into (toys more than clothes, although there were a few of those too). That was really for DD1's benefit – she would have remembered that she got more than one or two presents on her previous birthday – and I guess means photos of their first birthdays look reasonably similar.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 29/09/2023 22:07

My eldest had birthday parties every year up until the age of 6- my youngest won’t have one until she goes to school tbh-‘. We live and learn after our first/ have less time, money and patience :)

Minimooncat · 30/09/2023 08:01

Same we did a party in a hall for the first one and a very small gathering at home for the second. I was far too tired by then for anything else! The youngest is 12 now and doesn't seem traumatised by the injustice!

Sjh15 · 30/09/2023 08:02

I only have 1 Ds. What I do know is he did not have a clue it was his first bday. He doesn’t know his second is coming up. Save your money, put extra in the savings account, they’ll appreciate that when they are older when right now they don’t know what a birthday is. I’ve bought a few presents for DS 2nd and we are having a tiny party at the leisure centre I work at only because we get it for free, and my friend is making a cake.

Redditchcycler · 30/09/2023 08:07

I think this is a classic case that being fair doesn't mean treating them the same. And anyway the second child always benefits from the fact you are more experienced- and relaxed .

Mew2 · 30/09/2023 08:16

I might be tempted to get the little one her own doll/pram particularly if big sister still plays with them lots and she has started to get on her feet
In terms of a party- we haven't really had a party for 3 year old still (1st child). Hubby was massively worried about covid on her 1st birthday. To be fair wouldn't have bothered anyway... Next year she will be 4 and appreciate it- I can't be bothered about all the work without her remembering it!!

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 30/09/2023 09:11

I invited my entire extended family from London to come up north to our tiny terrace for our twins 1st birthday. I did it via Facebook, forgot about it, and was only reminded less than a week before D-Day by my dad. Panic ensued.

Thankfully, it all came off, although seeing my multitudes of cousins squashed into my house was a laugh!

I genuinely can't even remember what we did for the next baby . Poor lad! I'm pretty sure his 1st birthday fell right as husband was made redundant so I went back to work full time, and obviously the twins were by then in pre-school so we had a lot going on. But I seriously don't remember.

He turns 12 in a couple of weeks by the way!

StormzMe · 30/09/2023 09:13

@MrsSamR I think that's all fine and sensible; the only thing I would say is even if you aren't buying new toys do still be sure to wrap some up and make a fuss over it - this is more for your 3 year olds than anything to make sure that they understand that baby is important too; otherwise they will realise you make a fuss for their birthday but not the baby's birthday.

Baneofmyexistence · 30/09/2023 09:28

It’s fine! Being fair and treating them equally does not mean doing exactly the same. For us it means having what they need when they need it and that will often look different. Get small presents to wrap and for the older one to give, a cake, special tea, whatever you like to do for birthdays and it will still be special!

jodes88 · 30/09/2023 11:15

No help with second child's frist Birthday as we only have one but we did a party in ours as loads of friends with kids at the time and then a day out to the local zoo with the whole family. We have some beautiful pictures especially from the zoo. Is a family day out with grandparents/aunts/uncles/cousins an option? Maybe pumpkin picking at a farm and then out for tea/back to yours with cake if it's October? Xx

WhatToDoAboutTheNosys · 30/09/2023 13:39

How about taking her for a special day out instead of the presents and party?

I only have 1 child, I can totally understand where you ams everyone is coming from but because I'm not in the situation I feel like getting her something to have open would be really nice. Like a jumper with her name or something little and personalised like that?

1mabon · 30/09/2023 13:46

Your child will not remember what sort of occasion her birthday turned out to be.

FrostieBoabby · 30/09/2023 13:47

May just be me but as I wasn't the first born, I was pretty miffed when looking back at old family photos and realised first born had all the big events and I had none....

Seeing all the party photos, smilling family and friends, balloons and a giant buffet all having such a wonderful time like an M&S xmas dinner advert for the super special first born but by the time I arrived it was just me with with parents/older siblings and a homemade cake.

Maybe have a few presents, balloons etc to fake some photos that make it look special or they might hold a grudge in 20 years time!

Cephalaria · 30/09/2023 14:00

For my second we had a tea party at home with grandparents. Presents were just some of the elder one's that I wrapped up.

NameChange30 · 30/09/2023 14:16

DC2 was born in 2020 so a covid baby, family and friends did meet her but didn't see her much in the first year So we did have a party for her first birthday, I hired a local hall and a small soft play set, and invited lots of family and friends. It was for us to celebrate her (obviously a 1yo doesn't really understand or care whether they have a party) and it was lovely.

For DC1 I did hall parties for the first and third birthdays (second birthday was just a v small tea party at home, fourth birthday was in lockdown and we had a day out when things opened up, fifth birthday was soft play). And actually ended up doing the same for DC2, another hall party for her third birthday. Again it was lovely and worth the effort.

I don't buy things for DC2 for the sake of it - her main present was balance bike that used to belong to DC1 - but I still think we should celebrate and make a fuss of them in their own right. That doesn't have to be a party but it is nice to do them if you have the time and money to organise it.

Coffeaddict · 30/09/2023 14:28

I'm in a similar boat with a nearly 1 yo and 3 yo however we were in lockdown for my older child's first birthday so did nothing but cake at home.

In regards to presents there 1, they have no idea. I'm going to 'give' the baby a new toy but it will be ones I have in the garage that I'll wrap up. They are too young to know. To be fair even for my sons 1st birthday I'm sure we just regifted things that had belonged to DSS.

Now he's approaching 4 he is getting more specific interests that differed from DSS so is getting more tailored presents to him

Drfosters · 30/09/2023 15:01

Whatever you decide I promise in 10 years you won’t have any recollection. I definitely had a few friends around for my first child’s first birthday but can’t remember much about it. Second child I’m not entirely sure we even bought them a present. We might have a had cake, we probably had wine (me and husband!) and I think we would have celebrated by passing out exhausted. I actually realised a little while back that I wanted to make a montage of photos of each child on all their birthdays. Turns out I didn’t take photos on some of them. Ooops! Not sure how that happened. Wondering if I looked really awful in them and deleted them! Those years are a haze. I just asked my youngest if he minded I didn’t celebrate his first birthday and did he feel unloved as a result and he suggested I could buy him off to assuage my guilt. Typical!

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