Second Child's First Birthday

[MrsSamR]

Hi all,

I have 2 DD - my eldest is 3 and my second is about to turn 1 next month. For my first's birthday we did the classic throw a party, invite all our friends and family and bought gifts, made a cake etc. It helped that her birthday is in the summer which makes this a lot easier and naturally as she was our first we were excited and wanted to celebrate!

Now my second DD's birthday is coming up and I feel really guilty as we won't be having a party - her birthday is in October so the weather is unlikely to be good and our house is too small to host people. We'll likely go for a pub lunch and invite just the Godparents and close family. Similarly, with regards to gifts, we have lots of toys which are her older sister's and are still in really good condition and ditto for clothes. I don't want to spend money for the sake of it but equally feel bad not getting her anything! I put money into each of the girls' savings accounts each birthday/Christmas/christenings etc so can I just put extra in there instead?

What did you do for your second or subsequent children's birthdays?

It's interesting that someone mentioned photos. Of course your child won't remember but we do live in an age where everything is documented pretty well. This creates a problem in itself as I have several friends who have commented to me about there being more photos of their older siblings and very few of them. I can see that big parties being thrown for an older sibling that contrast starkly with yours might be hard to look back on (for some) so I would say it seems a good idea to take some special photos maybe (rather than being tempted to hide the differences in events by taking fewer). I'm an only and have an only so I've not had to really think about this but my partner's kids (who don't live with us) are similar in that one has a summer birthday and one a winter and it stands out to me that the one with a summer birthday gets a better deal (so much so, the other one had a "summer birthday" one year to make up... which was a whole thing because then she ended up with 2 birthdays 🙄 I honestly try not to get involved with that side of things!). I'd be mindful of this and seek ways to make a more wintery birthday special in other ways when they're older.

Also, I would say that putting extra into a savings account might be a bit tricky too. It will either go unnoticed, in which case what is the point? Or, it will be noticed by the older one who realises they have less and when you come to explain, it might be hard to reason away when the child would now rather have the extra money to put to a car or whatever than know it was spent on a big party they don't even remember.

I don't envy your task! Just speaking out loud some of the issues that have cropped up in my life and hope that might help save some drama by foreseeing any problems! Xx

@StormzMe I think it's my 3 year old's reaction that is making me feel guilty. My husband/parents/friends understand why keeping it small makes sense but like you say I don't want her to think we didn't do anything for her sister's birthday!

@FrostieBoabby totally get where you're coming from. I'm the oldest child and it's a running joke in our family how few photos there are of my brother compared to me...though not sure he finds it funny! I don't want her to ever feel as though she's not as special to us as of course she is. As I have one Summer baby and one Autumn baby the clothes haven't always been quite right in terms of the seasons so as a PP said I may get a few nice bits of clothes, maybe personalised, which are just for her. We will have a nice lunch and I'll make sure to do cake and balloons and take lots of photos! We have a lovely photo of myself, my husband and DD1 on our mantelpiece on her 1st birthday and I want to take a similar one with DD2 to go on the other side.

Very similar boat to you, DD is 3 and DS was 1 in August.
We didn't do anything lavish for either of them as I personally think it'd daft doing a big party for a one year old as they will have no idea what's going on. Just cake and presents at home with me and DH.
In terms of gifts however DD did get a lot more and probably more general fuss. I made a huge number one out of balloons, still not recovered from the repetitive strain of tying them all 😅
But like you say our house is already full of toys and my boy really wants for nothing. I struggled when people asked for gift ideas. Money into savings is a great idea.

I wouldn't feel guilty. They won't remember what they did or what they got. I made sure to do DS a really nice cake and get plenty of pics so if he asks in years to come there is something to show. But in reality can you remember your first birthday or what you did/got? And do you actually care in the grand scheme of things! Save your money and do something useful with it when they are older xx

Sounds like you’ve learnt the lesson and don’t want to repeat the mistake!
I did parties for 1st and 2nd bday for my DD and regret them a bit. She didn’t care, was exhausted, scared at 50 people singing at her after the lights being turned off and I didn’t get to send the day with her as I was busy prepping for the party and feeding people etc.

all your baby wants at the moment is your attention. Just spend the day really engaging and enjoying them.

First child had 3 birthday parties essentially with one of them being a massive bash (by my standards). Second child we invited two families with their kids and as we like you have so many of dd's old toys we didn't want to buy lots of new ones. So dd2 got a few new ones and I asked dd1 to help me sort out her old toys and which of them she wanted to give her little sister as a present from her. We do the same at Christmas. Obviously neither child cared about their first birthday and I'd say they both had the same amount of fun. The second one was definitely more relaxed and stress free.

My main concern is that dd1 doesn't think we make a difference or that she's more important and therefore gets bigger parties or more new stuff so (apart from explaining it to her) I also wrap some stuff like new clothes that dd2 anyway needs or cutlery, dishes, etc to make their number of presents more even.

I did put up decorations, and made a few cakes and took lots of pics and videos of dd2's Birthday so the difference isn't too stark if dd2 and dd1 ever look back on their first birthday photos.

So glad I just found this. First daughter is 3 and we have done a big summer garden party each year (July baby!) 2nd daughter will be 1 in Oct and I have zero plans and can’t have people to our house!