Please tell me I'm not the only 'BAD MOM'!!! - who allows sweets, video games and late bedtime!

[Clairebear19842023]

Hi Moms,

I have 2 little kids, 7 and 9 year old boys. We do not run a strict household, the opposite in fact! Life is so short and they are only kids for such a short time so we hate to focus on rules and controlling their every move. We eat healthy, plenty of fruit, veg, meat, kids are not picky eaters but we allow treats every day, sometimes after school, sometimes after dinner, always dessert after dinner, cordial in our water etc. Both kids often choose to have fruit or yoghurt as a treat instead of sweets because they are not seen as a luxury or something 'bad' so they don't always go for sweets but they are their as an option. Both kids are super healthy, no weight issues, have never any cavities or any hyperactivity or behavioral issues which some parents have when their kids eat sugar. They both do various sports through out the week, but also enjoy spending time on their ipads and playstation. We allow them to play 'violent' games and watch most shows on tv because they know the difference between fake and real! The go to bed around 9 or half 9, when they are tired and always get up on time for school an can focus well and have energy for playing and sports. It just seems like these days, parents are so strict and controlling compared to how our laid back parents brought us up in the 90s - most of us remember sugar sandwiches, falling asleep on the couch and being carried up to bed, and watching chucky at halloween! The other moms act like my kids are dealing crack when they hang out the estate eating their bags of haribo or god forbid a bottle of fanta! All the other kids are brough in around 6pm to get ready for bed!! Is this really the norm that most people live by or I am losing it! Please say there are other chilled out parents out there!

I too was pretty laid back, and in hindsight, the sweets and late bedtimes didn't do much damage ... but I wish I'd never opened the door to video games.

All sounds perfectly reasonable to me, I wouldn't allow mine to have fizzy drinks really as they're so bad for you but you seem to have it all very sussed, almost too good to be true.

https://amp.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2011/apr/27/cameron-calm-down-dear-sexist-put-down

@VentiPumpkinSpiceLatte

”Calm down, dear" is neither humorous nor edgy; it is instead a classic sexist put-down, designed to shut women up and put them back "in their place".

"Calm down, dear" is what women hear when we're allegedly being "hysterical" or "overemotional". It's that tired old gender stereotyping, the sort that implies that if we can't even keep our emotions in check, then we obviously aren't cut out for the more serious male world of politics and debate.

Neat. I don’t really care. I don’t let the guardian or any other media source do all my thinking for me. But if you do that’s cool. Have a nice day @Streamorwatchlive

Sounds more like you and several other mothers feel personally attacked and that’s what this is about. Not about OP trying to be a cool mom. You’re insecure.

What on earth is a sugar sandwich??

@VentiPumpkinSpiceLatte have you become the op? Strange she never came back but you’re arguing a lot for her.

I used the Guardian as a proof point because you didn’t see to understand what was wrong with your ‘calm down dear’ misogynistic comment. That doesn’t mean I ‘let news sources do my thinking for me’. This makes very little sense. You’re sounding more and more GB News every time you post 😂 and defo a man.

I don’t even know what GB news is. Do you read/watch it a lot? Do you think that everyone watches/reads the news and thinks “oh that’s what I’m going to do/think from now on!” Not everything is about a political party or news business. Sometimes people just don’t agree with you. I’m not trying to advocate or save OP. I mean you’re going to think I’m OP from now on so I’m not even going to fight that bit. I just find it annoying when people jump to conclusions or try to invent a conclusion simply because they don’t agree with it or because they get super defensive because something that doesn’t work for OP works for them and they think that OP is accusing them of being a terrible person when that clearly wasn’t the intent because I’ve personally been on the receiving end of it and found it very frustrating!

Definitely a man. 🕺🏻 😆

Someone’s been on the Sherry eh? 🫣

Since this thread is already pretty much today. I’ll just add this. I am the most manly of men. The worst kind of them.

sorry meant to say toast* 😂

I don't really know what you're after here OP. That isn't how I parent my kids - my 7-yr old has never played violent video games (he's happy with Minecraft in creative mode!) nor do I think it would be a good idea to introduce him to any. Your kid might be more resilient but there aren't that many 7-yr olds whose lives are enriched by GTA, I wouldn't have thought. Each to their own, though - you crack on, and I'll do the same 👍

I remember a thread where multiple parents were letting their young children watch that violent squid games on Netflix so no you’re definitely not the only bad mom here.

We’re quite a laid back household, I grew up in a really strict house and I was a scared child for as long as I can remember.
Our kids are allowed daily sugary things, fizzy drinks I buy a bottle of something at the weekend but only one. The rest of the week it’s water.
Video games - my older 2 are 19 and 17, they aren’t really interested in them, the younger one is 12 and plays them but he only has games like fifa and Mario type stuff, nothing violent!
Since he’s been about 6 he’s had a 9 o’clock bedtime and weekends I nudge him up around 10/10:30. We eat late (just eaten now) so he can have a bit of time to hang out with us - I’ll be going to bed at a similar time tonight, I’m knackered today!

Never had a sugar sandwich in my life.

I did however grow up on dry weetabix with a thick layer of sugar on top 😋

It just seems like these days, parents are so strict and controlling compared to how our laid back parents brought us up in the 90s - most of us remember sugar sandwiches, falling asleep on the couch and being carried up to bed, and watching chucky at halloween!

Doesn't sound like my childhood, and I was a kid in the 70s and early 80s.

I'm an 80s/90s kids - I don't remember bullshit like that either! I remember one time being carried upstairs at 7pm crying because I wanted to watch top of the pops with my big brother, and never watched horror movies until I was 14 (and I hated them then anyway).

OP - your experience sounds kind of negligent to me. Kids need boundaries and protecting from things they don't have the brain maturity to process. I was a kid that needed loads of sleep, and would have had serious nightmares from horror films. Each child is different, sure, but there are some good general principles that it seems you didn't get when you were young.

We allow them to play 'violent' games and watch most shows on tv because they know the difference between fake and real!

I think you’re deluded if you think a 7 year old is sophisticated enough to do this.

My kids have far more sweets then I think is probably acceptable tbh and I let them stay up late sometimes. Also don't really police their screen time amounts. I am a pretty relaxed parent. I dont let them watch just anything on TV though, I consider what media they have access to quite a lot as I do think media influences how children see the world. I generally let the 10 year old watch 12s and the younger ones PGS. Most violent game they have is fortnite. Also I wouldn't let a 7 year old play out alone but I don't really live in an area where that it ok, maybe I would feel different if I was on a cul-de-sac or something.

I’ve never had a sugar sandwich in my life thankfully. Depends on what you mean by violent video games? Some people think Minecraft is violent.

2 of my children have had teeth taken out in surgery so no more sweets. They didn't eat that many in the first place.

But once you experience your child waking up, bloody mouthed and screaming from surgery it will put you off sweets.

Very, very rarely now.

Interesting thread. A good friend of mine was brought up with rules she had to go to school,eat as a family at the table and had a bedtime. She said her childhood messed her up because her parents controlled her - (I think she probably has PDA ) she can't hold a job down as she will not be told want to do. She has 5 children who have been brought up with no boundaries - the eldest two are in constant trouble with the police the middle one has been permanently excluded from school. Social services are now involved as they are worried for the youngest two children. She really is a lovely lady BUT she believes children are there own people and should make their own decisions. I am more friendly with her sisters as they were at school with me and they followed her parents rules without a problem. She grew up in a very affluent family with a big house. Her dad was a solicitor and her mum a SAHM.

Unfortunately she has gone NC with them due to their old fashioned views about child rearing. She lives in a run down suburb in poverty and i do make an effort to see her now and then as I feel she is misunderstood (undiagnosed ADJD/autism in my opinion) but I am close to cutting ties with her as her son is a nasty piece of work and i feel it is due to lack of parenting and boundaries, he was involved in a knife attack on a friends son and she says it his choice and if he feels it necessary to be violent then so be it. There us a difference between no patenting and relaxed parenting.