Anyone else's DC so emotional 3 weeks in to reception!?

[Frazzledandfried]

DD (4) started reception recently. I've noticed she just seems to be getting more and more emotional/reactive when she gets home. She's young in her year, academically bright but emotionally maybe slightly behind her peers. She's my oldest so this is new ground for me. She's vivacious and quite extrovert at the best of times, but these evenings during the week are an emotional roller coaster (tears and tantrums over the smallest things) we always talk about how her day was at school, favourite parts of the day etc so I don't think there's anything going on at school that I am missing. We have a solid bedtime routine and both DC are in bed by 7pm on a school night. DP works a lot of unpredictable hours on call etc, he's great when he is here but I'm finding these solo evenings HARD! DD4 is tearful and shouty a lot and it's quite wearing. Does this get easier? I'm guessing it's because she's trying so hard to be good at school that when she comes home it's her safe space to let off steam and I'd obviously never want to change that feeling for her, just been a tough week so far I guess! Any tips appreciated.

She's a baby and is exhausted. That's all.

Make sure you do basically nothing after school, give her a chance to chill and let it all out. So maybe just a blast round the playground,and then come home and do SFA. Have tea, read, have a bath, listen to audio books, play with toys all quiet chill stuff. Don't even ask her about her day.

Ditch any afternoon/evening activities.

Thank you. Yes our evenings are very chilled and generally follow the things you've mentioned, no activities etc. I guess despite having been in preschool for 2 years at the same school the transition to reception is still a big one!
Thanks for taking the time to reply. Here's hoping consistency with chill time is the key.

Yes we've had tears this week because he falls asleep in the car home then just wants to be left to sleep

This is my second child starting school. I thought he would cope better after school. I was wrong. Absolutely mentally and physically exhausted after school. A snack as soon as we collect him works wonders to regulate him somewhat. Then home for healthy fruit/savoury snacks (post school is a mini bag of cookies or similar) then both kids eat dinner earlier than I think they will want it - they are so hungry.
The older one chooses not to have a snack at the school gates and eats at home but in reception she did.

It does get easier but they are so young it’s so much to deal with for them. You’re not doing anything wrong!

They also save up all their stress for where they feel safe - with you. Being ‘good’ all day is so hard.

I recognise all that from when my eldest started school 20 years ago!
Immaculate behaviour at school and hysterical at home. Just floods of tears and naughtiness. It was overwhelming for him.
Bedtime was brought forward from 7pm to 6.pm for a while, that helped a tiny bit.
They do get better but be prepared for it all to start again after every school holiday.

Totally normal, thought my eldest wouldn't be bothered as he'd done much longer days in nursery. He was really emotional and more tired than I'd ever seen him in the first few weeks. Settled soon though. Youngest took longer to get over the tiredness but she's always liked her sleep!

Its so hard isn't it?
We are a 5 minute walk from school and many snacks are consumed from the minute we get in the door. She is constantly hungry and constantly on the move so it's not surprising that she's tired. I think she really struggles to wind down, she's already in bed tonight but I can still hear her up there chatting and singing to her toys. She has a lot of big feelings bless her so I hope she can always feel safe letting them out with me, perhaps I just need to learn some helpful ways of facilitating that in a positive way without it being stressful for any of us. Really do appreciate the replies fellow mums, thank you.

She’s just exhausted. Totally normal for little ones starting school, even if they were in nursery etc.

They do so much in a day at school.

Give her a snack and a drink very soon after pickup. Move supper & bedtime earlier with lots of downtime and snuggles. They need comfort, nourishment and plenty of sleep. It sounds as if you are doing all the right things.

I found this right up until half term - they are just so shattered at first.

I’m sorry OP that’s really tough. I was just like your DD and would have loved for my parents to have your understanding and attitude! So keep up the good work. I’m having the opposite problem with DS, who seems to be really positively energised by school. I’m trying to do the same as you and not push too much and give him space, rest and support, but his extrovert powers are only getting stronger 😂 I’m desperate for a 7pm bedtime but if he goes any earlier than 8pm he just wakes earlier 🤷‍♀️

Yep mine is exactly the same!!

what’s her eating at school like? I think that’s a big part of the issue here, morning and afternoon snacks are a drop in situation and she’d rather play. School lunch isn’t always popular even when it’s something I thought she would like. By the time I collect her at 3pm (and worse if it’s at 6 and she’s been at after school club) she is ravenous and raging!!!!

Oh bless him. 💙

That's a lovely thing to say, thank you.
My parents did not have the same attitude and I'm determined not to pass on "generational trauma" without that sounding too dramatic.
Eek the extrovert powers 🤣
She is fast asleep now, she will normally do a solid 12 hours and be raring to go again in the morning. Just spoken to DP on the phone, doesn't look like he's going to be home from work before midnight so an early night with a new sleep tea and new sheets on the bed is on the cards for me 😴

She eats EVERYTHING at every lunch ha. I've heard the portions at school are not very big. She loves food but isn't a chunky girl, she burns it all off running around singing ☺️

My DD was exactly like this last year OP. Her personality sounds similar to your DD's, and she is also one of the youngest in her year. She loves school, but we had lots of tears at the end of the school day in reception. Sometimes she'd even cry in the day due to being tired. Her stamina improved as the year went on, and now she's in Y1, the difference is huge. She's even managing to do two clubs after school on a Friday (as well as continuing 2 full days of wraparound care), which would have been impossible for her last year. It's just such a big change for them! She'll get there.

Knackered children.

Lots of sleep and low key weekends

its funny how we get just as tired as they do! I’m also counting down to an early night! Definitely need it in order to keep up 😆

This is so reassuring! DS is the same he was also at nursery longer days and loved it. I feel bad because we can't avoid after school club 3 days a week although that largely seems to consist of watching number blocks. I just don't recognise the sunny bright little boy I'm used to. He was fine at first but now he just seems sad and angry.

DS1 is the same to my complete shock - he was at the preschool nursery, literally moved to a room at the other side of the same annex the nursery was in, with the majority of children he was at nursery at and he's just an emotional wreck. Very happy to go in, very happy when he comes out and full of chat, but tears out of nowhere about utterly bizarre things (most recently, that he didn't have exactly the same shoes I did).

I'm so relieved it's not just my DD who's finding it a lot! We will just keep plodding and loving and we will get there in the end 🫠

My daughter is the same x the fizzy bottle analogy really helps us get through!

Sorry I attached some pics with screenshots but they didn't attach for some reason x if you google Sarah ockwell smith fizzy bottle analogy a lovely and reassuring article comes up!!!! It's all totally normal xx

I was really shocked at how absolutely knackered DS was starting school! He used to fall asleep on his table in the afternoon sometimes actually in the classroom and I remember it being near constant drama and tears at home until well into November. He’s just gone into year 2 and yes, I can relate to the extrovert powers

Same! Big snack at pick up and then probably a second one when we get in. He’s loving it but I can see he’s processing a lot daily

Oh yes. I have twins and they're both tired, emotional and generally more difficult than usual.