Anyone else's DC so emotional 3 weeks in to reception!?

[Frazzledandfried]

DD (4) started reception recently. I've noticed she just seems to be getting more and more emotional/reactive when she gets home. She's young in her year, academically bright but emotionally maybe slightly behind her peers. She's my oldest so this is new ground for me. She's vivacious and quite extrovert at the best of times, but these evenings during the week are an emotional roller coaster (tears and tantrums over the smallest things) we always talk about how her day was at school, favourite parts of the day etc so I don't think there's anything going on at school that I am missing. We have a solid bedtime routine and both DC are in bed by 7pm on a school night. DP works a lot of unpredictable hours on call etc, he's great when he is here but I'm finding these solo evenings HARD! DD4 is tearful and shouty a lot and it's quite wearing. Does this get easier? I'm guessing it's because she's trying so hard to be good at school that when she comes home it's her safe space to let off steam and I'd obviously never want to change that feeling for her, just been a tough week so far I guess! Any tips appreciated.

I have a young 4 year old as well. He doesn't seem to be physically tired so much as mentally tired. On Monday - Wednesday, he's picked up by our amazing nanny and he has such a blast with her but it does mean on my afternoons with him (Thursday and Friday), he's just done. We have a LOT of screen time. And snacks. One the plus side, last weekend he didn't emerge from bed until after 8.30 on both days.

Volatility, tantrums, shouting, roaring, kicking, hitting, poking and biting. Multiple times a day. He's five already. My patience and empathy are running low today.

Sounds like there's more than just school craziness going on there.

Yes, I think so too. What does it sound like to you? Genuine question!

Where's he getting the idea of violence to relieve his anger from?

What's happening at school/home/wherever to make him lash out physically.

What is getting him so frustrated and cross and angry?

What outlets does he have physically?

Have you spoken to the school?

In order of your questions:

No clue, there is definitely no violence at home and he only watches kids' TV.

No idea, he goes through periods where it's not as bad but it definitely gets worse when there are changes.

Could be anything, but often it's when he needs to do something (e.g. getting dressed, putting shoes on etc - no chores or anything)

Not sure what you mean by outlets. He isn't mad keen on being active and when he gets physically angry he actively seeks us out to hurt us, so redirecting hasn't worked.

Not yet, he's only been there two weeks (started very late). We spoke to nursery and they thought we were nuts as he was really well-behaved and had lots of friends. We tried the HV, they asked us to do a parenting course, which just confirmed what we knew already. I finally found a GP who would listen and got a referral for CAMHS, but he'll be in year 2 or 3 before it's his turn🤦🏼‍♀️

I mean, how much running around, climbing, jumping, scooting, playing in garden/woods, . Basically is he getting enough exercise.

Probably not really, though obv he is at school now (and nursery 4 days previously) so a bit harder for us to influence. He genuinely doesn't really want to go outside to play most days. I have to admit I'm a bit scarred from all the times we walked somewhere and then he refused to carry on and would have a sit-down protest on the pavement. He scoots to school and back (half a mile each way) twice a week. Today he was super tired from school still, but was in the playground for at least an hour. He was absolutely unmanageable in the evening and kicked me in the chest whilst I was trying to get his night nappy on (nowhere near being dry at night yet). That was 3 hours ago and I can still feel it. This really isn't a case of pent up energy. He's different when that's the problem - hyper, not angry/ violent. He has a healthy diet, is a healthy weight and has a solid bedtime routine. Definitely gets screen time, but no more than the maximum recommended and most days none at all. He hid under a table when we were out for lunch today🤦🏼‍♀️

Why isn't he putting his night nappy on himself?

Because it's an old-school terry - he prefers these over disposable pull-ups. And because getting him to do anything is an enormous struggle. We do try, but it takes bloody ages.

I notice you're asking me a lot of questions. I'm trying not to interpret them as being critical, but you haven't engaged with my responses, nor have you actually answered my question: what does this behaviour sound like to you?