Five month old won’t let husband put to bed and at my wits end

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My five month old girl is mostly breastfed but has always been given a bottle before bed from around two months old. I’ve always done the bedtime routine as my husband makes dinner but for around a month now my husband has been trying to do bedtime but baby goes absolutely crazy until I come and take over. Her and husband are best of friends all day long and he’s given the odd bottle in the morning while I have a few hours sleep and she’s absolutely fine, but at night something just clicks and sh goes mental.
We’ve tried me leaving the house, husband sitting with us and then moving onto me sitting in with them (which she sometimes entertains but other times not), he has worn my clothes, literally tried everything.
We have a wedding to go to at the end of October and there is no way I can leave her with anyone (she gets really stressed out being with other people after a while, even grandparents) so already my husband has said he won’t go which is sad enough, but the fact that he can’t even put her to bed is making me so anxious about going. I don’t want her screaming all night which I think she will (she screamed for nearly an hour on one occasion with my husband and had no sign of letting up)
Is there anything I haven’t tried?? Am I missing something??

I'd keep persevering and she will get used to it eventually. Have you tried going up a little earlier than you normally would to be sure that she isn't overtired?

Will she accept the bedtime bottle from him?

I think you probably need to go out with a friend for the evening and leave them to it.

Babies do cry, that's normal.

I wrote a post just like this around that age! Ds was also ebf and besties with dh during the day but bedtime was strictly mummy or bust. It was very draining even though I loved the cuddles etc.

It just clicked one night for us, around 8 months ds just went down one night for dh. Things that I think helped were dh bringing him out during the weekend more and going in to him during the night first at weekends and then if ds didn't go back over I'd go in and feed. Gradually he then went on to go down for dh with a bottle of ebm paced fed. We did get him babysat once when he was 8 months and gp got him down but when he woke up couldn't get him back over and even now at 10mths if he's sick or teething hard etc he will want me more than dh. I felt bad for leaving but we had planned to finish our night around 9pm so it wasn't massively past bedtime anyway. Could you go and drive and then you can call it by ear on the night and in the meantime have dh respond when your wee one wakes up at night before you respond?

Is so hard but its part of the territory especially with breastfeeding unfortunately. It does get easier so just keep trying and hopefully it'll click. Where is the wedding, is it near enough you could nip home in between? Could dh stay overnight nearby with baby?

You need to just stick with it. The problem is that you've always come back and taken over so he's never had a chance to succeed. Stay out the way until she is asleep. Let him do it every night for a week.

At what point in the rotuine does she go crazy? From the beginning? Or is she ok with him doing bathtime, but kicks of when it's time for milk/settling?

Surely the wedding isn’t going on all night so you’ll be back to help if she isn’t settling.

She goes to bed at 7pm so can’t really go much earlier. She is knackered by then has she’s not a great sleeper during the day even! But maybe we could leave her a bit later and see if she’s so tired she’ll just conk out!
She will take the bottle from him most of the time and then once it’s gone that’s when she flips! Even if she’s falling asleep, she’ll soon wake back up 😞

I wouldn't suggest later. That would probably make it worse if she's already knackered.

What would happen if you did the bottle but then DH takes over from there? Have you tried that?

It is probably just a case of picking a routine such as DH doing all bedtimes for at least a week or DH taking over after the bottle and sticking with it. She will cry but it will be worth it in the long run when DH can put her to bed.

Can your husband wear her in a sling after her bottle? or have another bottle ready in case she wants more, if it's that she starts crying after the bottle is finished.

Both of mine wouldn't/ won't accept DH at bedtime, but I never had anywhere to be so we just took the easy route and I always do getting them to sleep and he does bath, pj's, teeth etc.

It will be over around 1am so pretty late! I’ll have been drinking as well so don’t really want to be around her. I know I could not drink and if she doesn’t get any better then I won’t, but there will be loads of friends I haven’t seen in years and it will be the first time I’ve had a bit of time to enjoy myself without a baby!

You just have to leave him to it, he is willing, so you’re 90% there. I had to go into hospital for a week when one of mine were at this stage, exclusively bf too, they just had to get on with it. If you keep going up to ‘ rescue’ the situation, that’s what she’s learning.

I also wouldn't go any later, mine struggled lots with poor daytime sleep around that stage too. At that point we started paying more attention to his wake windows and trying to get him down for contact naps in the day because he slept better then meaning he slept better at night. The more exhausted they are the more cortisol in their system so the less they're likely to sleep well at night.

I would do a test run and you go out for a few hours and even if she does wake up dh can practice baby wearing etc to see what will soothe her. Does she take a dummy?

How does she normally go to sleep op? Is she rocked to sleep, cuddled, patted etc?
And where does she sleep? Is she in her own room or in with you still?

Reason I ask is maybe you do stuff a certain way that your husband doesnt? Does she maybe like to be rocked a certain way, or is there a particular order that you do things in (for example dummy first, blanket on, white noise, kiss goodnight) or something like that?

I think you can go a bit earlier. My baby is 6 months and we've stared running the bath at 5:30, milk & story by 6:15 and generally asleep by 6:30. That last 30-60 mins makes all the difference in being overtired

Will your baby go to sleep for you husband in the day? I don’t know if he’s around for naps in the day but if he can I would probably work on this so your baby gets used to sleep associations with him. My DD will take a dummy from my partner but never me and this sometimes helps?
She can definitely be the same though… just wants the mummy at night!

If your baby isnt sleeping well during the day then 7pm is prob too late and she's over tired and grouchy. She wants a quick fix from mummy because she knows it works. Try earlier with dad when she's less tired.

By stepping in and taking over you're just teaching your baby that the routine is she has to cry for an hour, then mum puts her to bed.

If you are really consistent for a week and let your husband do bedtime without you taking over, he will find his way. Leave the house - go for a run or just go and sit in Asda with a book for an hour or something.

Oh really? I thought 7 was the earliest they should go to bed! Nice to know earlier works for you! I’ll definitely try earlier, thanks! x

My 2 year old still won't settle for my partner 🥲

Oh no, mine used to go at 6, they were overtired monsters later than that!

Yeh I’ve heard that she might start picking up that I’ll come to get her eventually! It’s just so hard, she sounds like she’s being tortured! I feel sorry for my husband as well!
I think you’re right that I just need to keep getting out of the house! Thanks for the advice 🙂x

I think that’s a good shout! Will start an earlier bedtime and see how if that’s any better for my husband! Thanks 😊 x

Husband has sat in with us so he knows exactly how I do it and when I sit in with him, I’m literally like ‘hold her a little higher’ or ‘that’s enough winding!’
but then I think maybe he should do his own thing so that maybe she isn’t associating it with me? x

Following because my 4 month old has just started doing this. Screams if anyone but me even attempts to cuddles him after about 6pm, let alone tries to feed him. Not much fun for dad! Hope you find a solution that works and you can go enjoy the wedding without worrying!

I'd also suggest earlier bed time. My little boy is now 15 months but still turns into a monster anytime after 6:30pm! We tend to try and have him in bed by 6:15 and that works much better.

Especially as you say she doesn't sleep well during the day it could be she is just overtired. I'd try for 6pm and see if it makes a difference x

Absolutely let him do his own thing and work it out himself. You may find that what doesn’t work for you may work for him and the other way around.