toddler goes insane if we stay home

[heopmepls]

i have a 2.5 year old and a baby. i’m going insane. we were home yesterday and she was so naughty/disruptive just hitting, pushing, throwing things etc. again today, i don’t have the energy or money to go out - i’m not well and just want to chill at home but she insists on using me as a climbing frame, jumping onto my head off the sofa, pushing her baby sister, screaming, etc etc.

i can’t do it anymore i feel like walking out. i know if i go to soft play or something she’ll be fine again but my head is absolutely spinning i don’t have the energy to drive and then chase her round. please help is this behaviour normal?? i can’t afford to be going out 7 days a week anymore i’m so done

It's normal. Are there any city farms/playgroups/free and child-friendly museums/beaches/playgrounds/churches with a kids' corner you can go to? Some children really are like spaniels and need a good walk once or twice a day

Sorry to hear you are struggling. Unfortunately toddlers just are much better being taken out. My advice would be to get a membership somewhere you can handle going like a local farm or national trust place and go there in the mornings for a walk, taking a flask of coffee, then come home and chill the rest of the day. At least you have no school run chaos yet so can relax in the afternoons. How long til you get your free preschool hours?

Is she adjusting to the baby? She’s probably used to having one-on-one attention, and is longer getting that.

I think you need to put in some serious boundaries. Zero tolerance etc.

maybe also give her a structure. Ie. Once baby us asleep, I will come and do sone colouring with you etc.

is there any way you can get her to help with baby so she feels included. Eg. Choosing what clothes she wears.

Boundaries for the naughty behaviour - pushing baby, etc

@Riverlee baby is 9 months old now so she’s used to her being around but still has obvious jealousy, e.g. steals her toys and pushing. i nearly got baby down for a nap about an hour ago and dd came over and screamed in her face and snatched the milk bottle so now i have an overtired baby who refuses to nap and a toddler who is getting nowhere because i’ve told her i’m not even attempting to go out until baby has napped

Can’t you just put the baby in the pushchair for a nap and go out for a walk?

@EmmaPaella i do if someone else is with me but 2 year old refuses to walk after about 10 minutes so i end up carrying her and pushing the pram

Really normal in my experience; toddlers need to be out and about. We go out twice a day every day or both of us go stir crazy; and the boredom chaos drives me scatty.

Will baby not nap in a pram or carrier so you can take toddler out? I think you're making a rod for your own back there if I'm honest; in the nicest way.

Do you have support that can help if you're not well enough to chase after her? I think having them at home is much harder than having them out and about! You're making a bit of a rod for your own back expecting a toddler to behave differently spending days at home.

I've got a massive note of free and paid things that happen at different times in the week, so we can pick something quickly and get out and about. It's worth it's weight in gold. Sometimes it's things with a low cost - baby groups, coffee shops, etc - sometimes its free things like the park or the library.

Cross-posts. Have you got a double pram? Or a carrier for the baby?

Put baby in a carrier so you can push toddler in a stroller?

Buggy board for the pram for the toddler?

Hiya OP, I think it’s normal tbh. Have you tried putting calming music on and having a “relax” hour with little one at home? Maybe get some water play out, put some bubbles in and let her explore. Or some supervised garden play maybe? Just anything to distract LO from havoc and feel like she’s getting some attention through play even whilst at home?

Take her to the park it's free.

Pretty typical.
Probably not until you are feeling better, but even taking a letter to the post box can be enough to reset them.
I used to get out every morning - library, park, walk to the supermarket for fresh bread. It doesn't need to be expensive, but it did need to have them mobile - so driving to the supermarket where they sat in a trolly was tempting disaster!

Can you get a carrier/second hand double/buggy board so you can get both out without having to carry the oldest?

You need to find some indoor activities that will use up her energy. Get a large playpen that she can go in. Anything messy will probably be fun (you can throw her in the bath afterwards with a load of bubble bath and bath toys - so more fun) - so squirty foam, paint etc.
Could you try an indoor basketball net or football goal and a few foam balls and let her chuck the ball around (inside the large playpen). Mini indoor trampoline?

When you say you're not well, what do you mean? Like an ongoing condition, a cold, long covid or what?

Chilling at home was never an option for us either, toddlers have huge amounts of energy. If you don't tire them out then they start playing up.

I got a secondhand double pram for a small amount, could get them to a playpark with a nice fence and I sat down while they played. Sometimes they'd both sleep in the pram and I could have a rest.

Mine were roughly the age of yours in lockdown and it was brutal. It might help to make yourself a schedule for each day, which is what they'd do at nursery - eg breakfast then dressed, then half hour in garden, then half hour creative play, then lunch, then TV etc etc to divide the day up. And some of those slots would be something a bit different like making a den, playing with old scarves, bowl of water in the garden, toy frozen in a block of ice etc.

You can also get them out for a walk more easily by not calling it a walk - so go out to count snails, work out how many door knockers have animals on them near you, look for conkers etc etc. Take a snack from home.

I’m sorry OP but no toddler allows chilled days at home- facts of life.
my advice is up and out early, parks and playgrounds, softplay, library groups- doesn’t all cost. Then toys out, in the garden if you have one in the afternoon. Staying in with a toddler makes the day even longer. The baby will learn to nap in the car etc.

Totally normal they get bored at this age easily. I've been taking mine to playgroups (free) there's one on everyday. Have a look into them. Some days take them to the park etc. they have a lot of energy so need to let it off somehow.

Anything 'naughty' she does she wants attention or telling you that she needs attention. Focus on her you'll see an improvement in behaviour and it will make life easier.

Getting out first thing in the morning even if just for 30 mins helps to reset the day and burn some energy. If babies in the pram, have a buggy board for the toddler or baby in the Sling and toddler holding your hand searching for sticks etc. Visit a park, or a library. Libraries tend to have free or cheap playgroups on too. Visit the woods, beach if there's one near you. You don't have to spend lots of money but going out first thing always helps us to have a calmer and more lazy day when I need one.

You need to get hold of a second hand buggy. Is there a community furniture project near you? Or a church group that can give you one? Your council, health visitor or library might know of a group.

2 year olds need at least 3 hours exercise (movement/activity) a day.

At that age we had to take ours out every morning and every afternoon. Yes it was exhausting but they need to be able to move. If they can't, they wreak havoc.

Just a walk to the shops (get a buggy board if needed) can break up the day.

What do you have nearby? If you have a local park do that regular, some woods for a run about?

Double buggy or buggy board for toddler, or a scooter if she'll do better on that than walking. Then baby can nap or have a go in the swing while 2.5 year old burns energy.

If you do need to be at home for baby naps then go out before, then give some good to toddler and then tv while you put baby to sleep, no tv until just then so that it may keep attention for 10 mins while putting baby down. Then you can get some games out to play while baby is sleeping.

Try to make a structure she can get used to too, periods you need to be at home have 'group play' (with you and baby) and 'solo play' on her own while you get stuff done, it sounds mad but if you know at certain times you do stuff or feed then telling her when they are coming up can mean she gets used to it - if she isn't used to solo play get things like a dolls house and let her do it with you for a few days but ask her to do 2 of the dolls while you do 1, then do just a couple mins of her alone and you come back, slowly increase, you'll find in time it can go up in time she will play alone

Charity shop and let her buy a small toy is a good one too.

Mine never did soft play at that age (none near us). Just the local park in all weathers (only exception was heatwaves and then we went at 7am)