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Original poster

I just found out my ds has just "done the deed" and I am freaking out.

29 replies

superjo · 05/03/2008 04:31

He and his girlfriend apparently have done it. God, what do I think or say. I am in shock. Is this the end of his childhood? Is this when I have to really trust his judgement? What rights do I have? Do I ever trust them alone again? How much am I overreacting or is this just modern parenting? AAAArgghh

OP posts:
superloopy · 05/03/2008 04:42

how old is he?

Original poster
superjo · 05/03/2008 04:44

He is 16 and she has just turned 17. I might add that we had talked about it previously and I had advised they leave it at least until the end of the year - when he is 17, but apparently they couldn't wait.

OP posts:
egypt · 05/03/2008 04:57

well, i think if he is talking to you about it, you really don't need to worry so much. make sure he is taking precautions, as i'm sure you are. you are lucky he confides. i never ever would with my parents. shudder.

mind you what do i know, mine are only 3 and 1

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Original poster
superjo · 05/03/2008 05:02

I know he is taking precautions because I found in his bedside table a long expired packet we had kicking around dh's wardrobe. Luckily he saw the useby date and thought better of it. Question is, I'm quite good friends with her mother and they have a really great relationship. Do I confess to her what I know. We both agreed that they should wait, but now I know they didn't should I blow this open?

OP posts:
superloopy · 05/03/2008 05:28

i think if they are being safe and your son has been honest with you that you should just leave it.

let her tell her parents. maybe ask them to tell her folks.

if you don't deal with this properly/carefully he may not be as open with you in the future.

i'm sure there are worse things they could be doing...

Nemoandthefishes · 05/03/2008 06:37

another one with young kids so not experienced it however I can only hope that when they get to that stage that they will be as open as your son!!! I would just try to make sure he has the protection he needs and is able to maintain that open relationship. If you dont condone it in your house then make that clear and also give him info on stds.

berolina · 05/03/2008 06:38

I think at this age, and as he is using contraception (and taking note of use-by dates - although if he didn't uase that packet did he sort out an alternative one?) it has to be nose out, really. 14, 15 a different matter IMO.

If he is talking to you about it that's great.

elesbells · 05/03/2008 06:46

I agree its good he talks to you.

I don't think you should tell her mum though - its her daughters job to do that. Your son trusts you enough to talk openly and you may loose that if you tell your friend.

berolina · 05/03/2008 06:47

Oh goodness no, please don't tell her mum.

Original poster
superjo · 05/03/2008 07:10

Apparently they did use contraception, which eliminates the stds (and as it was first time for both of them) I didn't ask any more questions, as it was kind of awkward enough anyway. Really hard with teenagers, as all they want to do is lie around on the couch or in his room (with the door open mind you) and watch tv. It had to happen sometime, and lots to be thankful for as it could have been god knows where, but my boy is growing up, and along with driving, that is one more step he is taking towards adulthood. Whilst I trust him, it is so much bigger than getting a crazy haircut or music tastes. I feel old.

OP posts:
LazyLinePainterJane · 05/03/2008 07:41

Well I think you should count yourself really lucky. They know each other, they used contraception, he told you about it and they were over the age of consent. I hope I get as much when DS is that age.

Flier · 05/03/2008 07:46

you're so lucky to have a son who feels that he can tell you things like this, I hope I am lucky enough to have a similiar relationship with my son when he reaches that age.
I certainly never spoke with my mother about such things

turquoise · 05/03/2008 07:51

I agree, they sound very mature and responsible. You've obviously done something very right to have such open trust and communication with him. Keep on trusting, you know they're safe so keep schtum, what the girl tells her mother or not is between them.

WowOoo · 05/03/2008 08:40

Yes, count yourself lucky. You hear of teenagers starting far earlier than that and although I was not ready until later alot of my friends had done the deed when 14 -shudder at it now. Agree with other posters about keeping it to yourself too. Crikey - not sure how I would feel about leaving them alone in my house though!!

Playingthewaitinggame · 05/03/2008 09:36

I lost my virginity at 16 to the man I am now married to (I am 25). He was 17. I certainly didn't tell my mother, although I am sure she worked it out after a while! The closest we ever got to talking about it was when she said something like "I know its none of my business, what you choose to do in your own personal life is up to you, but I will be very disappointed in you if you fall pg". Honestly, when I say it like that it sounds like I was so young but I didn't feel young. DH and I had been going out for several months before we "did the deed" we had talked about it and it felt right and we always used contraception.

KerryMum · 05/03/2008 09:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cappuccino · 05/03/2008 09:39

it sounds to me that he is being very responsible

he talked to you beforehand which shows that he has respect for the act and for you, he is in a relationship with respect for the girl, he was safe

boys lose their virginity in terrible ways - my dh - good god I'm glad his mother never found out how that happened

it was nothing like the sweet first love scenario you are describing here

noddyholder · 05/03/2008 09:48

It sounds like the ideal scenario and if my ds who is nearly 14 turns out like yours I will be so proud and over the moon tbh.Really sweet that he can talk to you

Loshad · 05/03/2008 09:56

yes please let this be my ds1, your ds sounds like a really good lad.

FioFio · 05/03/2008 10:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

moopymoo · 05/03/2008 10:02

Well done for having such a good relationship with you rson. But i would be quietly freaking out too. i think i would look ds in the face and say somethning like ' i am glad that you can talk to me and very proud that you are so responsible. but i DO NOT want to hear you shagging just like you do not want to hear me and your father (or your dp, whatever) shagging. Coz we do it too you know ' that might cool him down for a short while...

threestars · 05/03/2008 10:18

Aaah, I hope DS will be like your's. Having a proper girlfriend, using precautions, talking to his mum, respecting his girlfriend by staying in a safe and private environment.
Much better than experiences I had as a teenager. He'll be forever remembered with fondness by his girlfriend.

aGalChangedHerName · 05/03/2008 10:44

Superjo,my ds1 and his gf who are both now 16 are in a sexual relationship. They did have sex twice before they were sixteen once with a condom and once without

I was horrified that they were doing "it" and was seriously pissed off at both of them for taking a chance. However she has had the implant done and they do sleep together often. While i would much reather they were not doing it at all,they have been together since April 2006 and they are in love they say. A lot of their friends have had many sexual partners (double figures) so i am happy that they only have each other and look set to be together for ages yet.

I know it's hard but you sound like you have good boy and it's really not the worst thing that could happen eh?

Peachy · 05/03/2008 10:49

Sounds like you have raised him well, to be responsible, caring, thougtful and close to you.

I think once it gets to the age of 16, all we can do is trust that we have raised them well and sit back- and it's clear you have so you should be congratulating yourself.

Wisteria · 05/03/2008 10:53

Well I think you deserve a hefty pat on the back for bringing your son up so well

If my girls talk to me like that then I will know I have done a stirling job.

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