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Original poster

Huge very public Tantrum

62 replies

EmbarassedAndSad · 22/09/2023 18:14

I know this is age appropriate. She’s 24 months. But she got it in her head that when we left for the park that we were going to get treats. We don’t do treats that often. Once every two weeks tops. Before we left i offered a quick snack. She wasn’t interested.

When we were going to the park she kept trying to walk to the nearby coffee shop. I redirected her gently. We got to the park. Sure played for 20 minutes and then casually started walking to the coffee shop again saying “bits. bits.” we give her donuts and call them bits because we tear it to bits for her. I told her no we aren’t getting bits and tried yet again to gently pull her back to the play ground but she had it in her head that she was going to get bits and tried to run away.

After lots of back and forth I finally came to the conclusion that she wasn’t going to play at the park and started to walk her home. But she decided she wasn’t going to go quietly. Dead weighted me. So I picked her up on my hip.

And then the very public and very loud kicking and screaming starts. The entire neighbourhood gets an earful as I do the walk of shame with her over my shoulder screaming and crying.

It might sound dramatic but I don’t know how to face going outside again. I feel like a failure as a mother. I feel humiliated.

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Bax765 · 22/09/2023 18:21

Oh I can totally relate and I'm sure most other parents can too!

I remember one very similar tantrum when mine was a similar age, and I had to carry her away from the park under my arm like a rugby ball - kicking, screaming and trying to bite me while it felt like everyone else was just staring at us 😫

The reality is that people will instinctively look over when they hear a loud noise, but it doesn't mean that they're judging you, or even care at all! People are much more preoccupied with themselves than other people. Think about yourself - if you hear a child screaming, you might look over, but you won't remember the parent or even give them another thought (other than possibly feeling empathy with them!).

It definitely won't be the last tantrum, but that doesn't matter. It happens to us all!

CatChant · 22/09/2023 18:22

This is so, so normal you will laugh about it with her in years to come. You are absolutely not a failure and anyone who judged you today could have had no experience of the terrible twos themselves.

Off the top of my head I could reel off several occasions when my two did something similar.

Come the teenage years you can threaten to hold her hand in public…

parietal · 22/09/2023 18:23

You did a great job. You said no bits, you stuck to it and you carried her home through the tantrum. That is good parenting and she is less likely to tantrum again. Hold your head high and stick to what you are doing

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AnotherCountryMummy · 22/09/2023 18:26

Oh lovely, try not to worry. People were probably just thinking sympathetic thoughts because they've been through it and know what it's like. And anyone that thinks otherwise just isn't worth your worry space. You'll likely tell this story to your child in amusement in a few years.

It happens to us all. My 2 year old bit me so hard when we were in public a few weeks ago. I shouted (mostly in pain) and then felt like a twat about it afterwards.

Ratfinkstinkypink · 22/09/2023 18:27

You haven't failed as a mother, some toddlers are just more fiery than others. DD never had so much as a footstomp as a toddler DS, on the other hand, was the master of a very public meltdown. She'll have forgotten all about it by now you, on the other hand...

Keep doing what you're doing, you are doing OK.

Squiblet · 22/09/2023 18:27

We've all been there!

I once stopped to chat to a dad in the park whose toddler was face down on the ground, howling, pounding the asphalt. The dad told me it was because they had taken this path rather than that path. The paths were a few metres apart and led to the same place .... I sympathised ...

StampOnTheGround · 22/09/2023 18:29

Well done for sticking to not having 'bits' I bet many would have caved which wouldn't have been the right thing to do!

gravitytester · 22/09/2023 18:30

parietal · 22/09/2023 18:23

You did a great job. You said no bits, you stuck to it and you carried her home through the tantrum. That is good parenting and she is less likely to tantrum again. Hold your head high and stick to what you are doing

This, this and more this!
Hold that head high, well done!!

WeightoftheWorld · 22/09/2023 18:31

Yeah just echoing everyone else, this is normal toddler behaviour, we have all been there, some of us on many many many occasions with particularly er 'spirited' children! You will get used to it tbh, and I'm sure nobody around was arsed except for perhaps to feel sympathy towards you!

MrsHsGirl · 22/09/2023 18:31

Oh god we've all been there. Trust me everyone looking was thinking 'thank god it's not me today'

Thesearmsofmine · 22/09/2023 18:31

Honestly, forget about it! Kids tantrum, often in public. My youngest loved to lie on the floor in the shop or the park at that age. Most people that saw will just be glad that it’s not their child or happy that they are past that stage.

Reallybadidea · 22/09/2023 18:34

This sounds like great parenting - you set a boundary and you followed through. Lots of parents IME end up negotiating, pleading and giving in. This might stop the tantrum but they don't do their kids any favours in the long run.

Sunshineclouds11 · 22/09/2023 18:34

All been there! You'll feel better tomorrow.

Not a failure, you stuck to your word and she will learn from that even if it doesn't feel like she will today.

As others people look to see what's going on and not to judge.

Original poster
EmbarassedAndSad · 22/09/2023 18:39

Thanks for the kind words of encouragement! We got home and when she finally calmed down I gave her a snack and she passed out on me far earlier than her nap usually is. I guess she must not have slept well last night which probably was what ultimately led to her melt down in the park. 😅 I feel much better after reading all your stories. It just feels absolutely horrific when it’s happening. But I’ve calmed down now that we’ve had a little cuddle and read your words of support.

OP posts:
Nonplusultra · 22/09/2023 18:41

It’s a rite of passage. Welcome to the trenches!

You did great.

Ohthatsabitshit · 22/09/2023 18:43

Totally normal and nothing to be ashamed of at all.

SauvignonBlanche · 22/09/2023 18:43

We’ve all been there, tantrums are something every parent experiences. Most people would be feeling sympathy for you.

pinkorchid1 · 22/09/2023 18:44

We've all been there. No one really cares. I have a path outside my house and regularly hear toddlers tantrumming on their way to the park or back home. Do I look? Usually yes, but I'm definitely not judging - just feeling huge sympathy for the parent and feeling very grateful my youngest has mostly grown out of that phase now..... but she's 4 so happens occasionally still. As she's my second I have zero embarrassment if she behaves like that in public! And you shouldn't either. It's completely normal. Don't let it ruin things for you x
Also, well done on not giving in to her!

pinkorchid1 · 22/09/2023 18:47

I just remembered a time when my daughter was 2 and was having a meltdown when trying to leave the supermarket. She refused to budge and I had to pick her up kicking and screaming. A nice lady came over, gave me some words of encouragement and pushed my trolley to my car for me!

Bunnyhair · 22/09/2023 18:49

Honestly, everyone is right there with you feeling it. No need to feel shame.

I do wish we wouldn’t give people this idea that a kid having a tantrum = mother is a failure (👀 looking at all the sanctimonious MNers who love to come on threads where a parent is wanting help, spouting ‘no child of mine would try that’ / ‘I wouldn’t stand for that’ etc etc)

Cece92 · 22/09/2023 18:58

Every parent can relate to this and I bet your neighbours will more likely applaud you than anything. I remember my DD kicked off in Tesco when she was about 3. She had a kinder egg in the basket. We walked around and she wanted a toy I said no not today we need to save money for your birthday. Well she kicked off in the supermarket. I got down explained again why she wasn't getting it and she still continued. So I put her over my shoulder put the kinder egg bag and continued with my shopping. Did get a couple looks but an older lady who had over head she applauded me for it. X

Hopingforbetterluck · 22/09/2023 19:08

We’ve all been there. Anybody looking will just have been thinking thank god it isn’t me this time!

You told her no bits and that’s what you have to stick to, bless her she’ll grow out of the almighty tantrums.

DS was once screaming blue murder in a queue at the till in a shop because I wouldn’t get him a tractor he’d seen there. The queue was taking ages and I apologised to the cashier and people in front as he was creating so much and I was so embarrassed. They were all lovely, said they all had kids and I was doing great not giving in to his tractor demands. Just to add to the humiliation I burst into tears when they were all so nice to me (in my defence I was pregnant/hormonal/stressed).

What I’m trying to say is that no matter how bad it seems to you at the time most people would have completely understood and sympathised with you and the ones that don’t, well f@ck em!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 22/09/2023 19:11

EmbarassedAndSad · 22/09/2023 18:14

I know this is age appropriate. She’s 24 months. But she got it in her head that when we left for the park that we were going to get treats. We don’t do treats that often. Once every two weeks tops. Before we left i offered a quick snack. She wasn’t interested.

When we were going to the park she kept trying to walk to the nearby coffee shop. I redirected her gently. We got to the park. Sure played for 20 minutes and then casually started walking to the coffee shop again saying “bits. bits.” we give her donuts and call them bits because we tear it to bits for her. I told her no we aren’t getting bits and tried yet again to gently pull her back to the play ground but she had it in her head that she was going to get bits and tried to run away.

After lots of back and forth I finally came to the conclusion that she wasn’t going to play at the park and started to walk her home. But she decided she wasn’t going to go quietly. Dead weighted me. So I picked her up on my hip.

And then the very public and very loud kicking and screaming starts. The entire neighbourhood gets an earful as I do the walk of shame with her over my shoulder screaming and crying.

It might sound dramatic but I don’t know how to face going outside again. I feel like a failure as a mother. I feel humiliated.

You are absolutely NOT a failure, @EmbarassedAndSad - we have all been there.

{{{hugs}}}

RockAndRollerskate · 22/09/2023 19:13

My boys sometimes coordinate their tantrums, specifically when I have them on my own and didn’t bring a buggy.

A neighbour once offered me a pram. I could have expired there and then

Jackiebrambles · 22/09/2023 19:15

Oh yes we’ve all been there, well done you did brilliantly!

My eldest once had the worst tantrum in Tesco express after I’d bought him the ice lolly he told me he wanted. Had to carry him home under my arm kicking and screaming (picking him up off the pavement first), I had my baby in a sling as well. God it was awful.

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