Gutted at maternity leave ending

[GlitteryGreen]

Just a little cry into the ether really as I can't really go into it in real life as I'd get upset, but I am so, so sad that I am back to work soon and won't be with my baby every day 😔

I know I am so fortunate that I've been able to afford a whole year off, and by the time I go back it will actually have been 13 months, but I just feel so gutted. She is still so little.

I am the main earner so can't afford to go part-time and my work turned down my flexible working request to do compressed hours over 4 days, which I'd really been counting on to be able to still have a day with her a week. I was so upset when they told me, I'd really been relying on that day to make me feel better about going back and now it's gone - they've agreed to trialing one afternoon off a week, which is better than nothing, but still means no days out, no baby groups etc (because they all happen in the morning). Especially once she moves to one nap because she'll likely sleep until about 2 so it'll barely even be an afternoon.

She isn't walking yet so I know I'll miss her first steps, her first words....there's so much I won't see her do now.

I know I'm not alone and am so lucky compared to many working mums but I just feel so so sad every day that goes by now. She is starting nursery 2 days a week in 2 weeks, and when I start back to work she'll be with my parents the other 2.5 days and it's coming around so quickly. She has her first settling session tomorrow.

Never thought I'd feel so emotional about it but I'm truly gutted ☹️😥 I'd love to be able to be around more in these few years before school.

I could have written your post. I have 5 weeks left. Baby will be 1 year when i go back. I have thought a lot about the possibility of missing the first steps/words etc. It is so upsetting to me because I have been there for all of it to date.

I am also dreading trying to juggle work and sleep deprivation and trying to be a good parent.

I have also applied for some work flexibility but have not gotten a decision but it is looking unlikely.

Its such a huge adjustment and no matter how lucky we are to have had this time, the feelings to not want it to end are valid.

I am hopeful getting out of the house will make my evenings and weekends with him much more precious and that I appreciate it even more.

Ohh I could cry for you. I went back 2 months ago and know exactly how you feel.
My son has thrived since I've gone back to work, of course it was tough at first however, he's so much more sociable and confident now.
Also there's studies that daughters with working mums are more likely to go further in education and earn more. There's actually quite a few studies on it! Think of the role model you are being to your daughter. She'll grow up knowing her mum is an absolute boss!
I haven't missed any milestones yet.... unless I have and haven't been told haha 😆

so tough for you. I hated leaving my baby and deeply regret it but had zero choice.
Think of ways around it, what can you do from home? Rearrange your life to be with your baby.
Good luck

I hear you. The weekend just seems so short. I was actually ok going back after my first baby but now that I’ve got 2 I’m struggling at the thought of going back. I think for me it’s because I’ve realised how fast the time really does go. I’m just trying to make sure that in the days I do have that we make memories as a family and not get too hung up on having a clean house and perfectly turned out children. Somethings got to give and it’s not going to be quality time with my children when that time is so precious!

It feels hard now but even when you are back working you will be the most important person in your child's life. You will still notice each stage of their development and you will be a great role model.

I really feel for you! Hopefully this will make you feel a smidge better. I was so sad about maternity leave ending with my second that it was one of the reasons I decided to become a freelancer and keep him at home with me rather than return to work. Well, he's now 18 months and let me tell you..... it is HARD WORK! Within the next six months your sweet little baby will become a full blown toddler, impossible to entertain, mentally and physically draining, whining all day every day, temper tantrums, bored with everything, impossible to take out for the day etc etc 😂😅 This wasn't quite what I was invisioning - like you I was thinking of missing milestones, being able to do baby groups, bringing my sweet baby to the cafe with me....but life as a SAHM to a toddler is vastly different from maternity leave. Honestly, we're now looking at putting him in nursery early so I can get some work done, and because he is so bored just being with me and I am burnt out. I don't know if that will make you feel any better as I know you wanted the 4 days (ideal really!), and actually it's kind of irrelevant because you didn't want to be a SAHM anyway, but I thought I'd give the other side of the coin! If I could have relived mat leave over and over I would have done, such a special time 😭

Not sure what your finances are of course but can you do an extended career break/pack job in and claim Universal Credit? Do a check online to calculate for your circumstances.

It does suck but you’ll get into a new routine and you’ll soon realise how much time you still get to spend with them (especially as the 5am toddler years are just around the corner). It’s really hard to imagine how you could ever possibly be separate people, but it happens, and it’s great… You still get to be the most important person in your babies life but they start to have really valuable experiences away from you too (which I assure you won’t affect your bond in the slightest).

Your company sounds really shitty! Can you look elsewhere? If you see a job come up that is full time you can definitely email and ask if they’d consider part time and/or condensed hours. You’ll be surprised how many companies are actually open to it.

Thanks everyone, I really appreciate all your comments. As PP said, maternity leave is such a special time and it's really hard to face the end of it and think of how things will be different.

I know I will adjust quickly and nursery will be fun and good for her, plus she'll love the time with her grandparents.

Unfortunately I'm not in a position to take a career break or part-time role unless it was to pay the same, which is unlikely. I am the main earner in our household by a long way, but not a long enough way to be able to afford to cut my wage 😔

I agree about my work, I was shocked by their response as my job lends itself perfectly to adjusted hours but they obviously disagreed. It was such a huge disappointment because I truly thought it wouldn't be a problem and my boss had initially given me the impression it would be fine. I am thinking about potentially looking for something else but it's not easy to get flexibility up front either is it ☹️ Plus I feel nervous to start something new when everything is up in the air with the baby starting nursery, expecting her to be off sick a bit in the first term, she's not sleeping through the night consistently yet, I need to get used to factoring in pick ups and drop offs etc. It just all feels a bit much to change so much at the moment.

Also thanks @PollyPeep for the differing perspective!

She's already getting to temper tantrum stage so I think you're right 😂

Oh OP I relate so much to your post.

We have 3 DC and for dc1 and dc2 I went back to work afterwards. With my first I went back to work at 8 months due to finances which was awful. I was determined with baby number 2 to stay home longer so worked out annual leave etc to where I had 16 months. This was part time. With 3rd and final we decided I wouldn't go back until in dc in school. Luckily everything worked out as DH retrained and got promoted which meant we had the same money coming in.
My kids are 9, 5 and youngest is 2 and I'm grateful every day for this time with them but I do wish I had stayed home from when I had my eldest. It just didn't work out like that back then. I am still only 30 so hoping I have time to bounce back after a few years out of the work place.

Will your daughter go to nursery when you go back? Can your partner increase hours to allow you a drop to part time perhaps? Make the most of the evenings and weekends, and of every day you have together until you go back.

I feel for you. I couldn't hack part time and instead rearranged our finances. Extended the mortgage to a longer term, cut shopping bill massively, all holidays became those sun voucher ones for a few years. Sold lots of stuff. Xmas and birthday presents all came from car boots etc. That alongside the less childcare made it doable. Never regretted it.

Sorry should read
... couldn't hack full time and went part time instead.

Appeal your employers decision to decline your flexible working application. I thought many rejections were reversed if challenged or at least, there is a trial period of what you are proposing. Read your Flexible Working policy carefully. It's a nonsense declining the application if you're a decent enough worker. Are you breast feeding? If not can you say you are? They're obliged to give you breaks for that to pump in a private area. Try to use every angle otherwise you'll be at work and unhappy.

Oh, I can totally relate! I go back to work in the morning and I feel absolutely gutted. Lots of tears from me this evening.

Sending solidarity!

What Pollypeep said is so true! Toddlers are something else! Your LO will love nursery and will be well taken care of by the grandparents.

As a childcare provider, I never spilled the beans if I was the one to experience a “first”.

Leaving the LO is always tough, but they do fine.

And I don’t know if it makes you feel any better, but where I live there’s no guaranteed/paid maternity leave, so most LOs go to care by 12 weeks old, which I think is awful. You’ve barely had time to establish a feeding routine never mind any kind of sleep schedule.

I did appeal and that's how I got the trial of the afternoon. I am glad to have a few hours to spend with her but at the same time it's made it more hassle with having to get her back and forth to my parents' again on that morning. I'm going to have to work from their house and then leave from there to do something with her.

I am breastfeeding but I work from home so doesn't really make a difference.

As a childcare provider, I never spilled the beans if I was the one to experience a “first”.

Aw I know they likely won't tell me (although not sure my parents will keep quiet tbh!) But I just won't believe anything is truly a first once she's away for the whole week, I'll just assume she's already done it and no one's told me!

I could have written your post. I go back next Monday and feel devastated. The end of an era. Let’s support each other through the first few weeks :)

@anicecuppateaa yes definitely x

I think I'm feeling extra sorry for myself as well because everyone I know has been able to return part-time/compressed and have at least one day with their child. So gutted I can't have that too, I think even one day would make me feel so much better.

Weekends are busy and it's just not the same as having a day off alone together is it.

Hey @anicecuppateaa , how are you doing? How is work going?

Baby over here is struggling with her nursery settles and has done her first morning. She's in for almost a whole day on Friday- don't know what I'll do with myself.

Just wanted to come back and update this for anyone that finds it and is feeling the same.

My little girl is 2 now and everything is great 😊

Going back to work was hard at first but actually it's been great to have some time to myself (even though it's working time!) and she absolutely loves nursery and going to her nanny and grandads.

Sometimes I do still feel sad that I don't get to do certain things with her, like take her to groups or sign her up for any classes, but actually I do feel like I spent lots of time with her still.

So if anyone is reading this and feeling like I was...you'll be ok and so will your baby 😘

@GlitteryGreen Hi!
I just wanted to say thank you for posting this in the first place and for your update. I am currently in the same place as you were, due to go back to work in 2 days and feeling total dread & sadness to leave my girl who turned 1 this month. She will be in nursery 2 days a week and I’m extremely worried she won’t cope and think we’ve just left her. 😩 The other 2 days she’ll be with grandparents which is my only comfort right now.
I'm just going to miss her so much.
Your update has given me reassurance and a little comfort during this time so again, thank you!

@GlitteryGreen thank you so much for updating, really glad to hear you are both doing well !
@Willow1223 I’m back to work on 8th, feel totally heartbroken. My boy is 13 months now but completely attached to me. We have his first settling session this morning. I never felt this sad leaving my daughter when I went back, but I think this is the realisation that this is my last ever time off work. We can do this xx

Aww @Willow1223 @HLM1989 I feel for you both so much!! It's such an emotional time.

I was honestly a wreck in the lead-up to returning to work, and it did take my little one a while to settle at nursery which wasn't easy, but honestly I can't tell you how much she loves it now 😊 She has learned so much and always chats about her little friends there.

And for me, I can actually sit and have a cup of tea 🙈 Or wash my hair!

The first few weeks of nursery were a learning curve for her, but she is so confident now and has bonded with the nursery staff - first in the baby room and now in her 2nd room - and it's honestly done her so much good to be at nursery.

Hang in there, you can do this 😘