Financial Support for 19 year old who doesn't live at home and works

[Jessica167353]

Does anyone provide financial support for their 19 year old who has two jobs (Minimum wage) and lives with a friend? Her friend has asked her to pay £350 per month rent.

Just wondering what is normal as DD has become very demanding about money and how we must support her financially.

She does still have the option to live at home and work and not pay rent but would need to change jobs as it would be too far to commute but the option is there.

We have asked her to talk us through her incomings and outgoings but so far has not.

Very keen to know what others do and what is reasonable.

What does she spend her money on?

It would be an educated guess as she won't share info currently but food, gym membership, takeaways, toiletries, phone bill. And now would need to pay rent. I think that rent includes house bills.

That's very cheap rent. If she's working the equivalent of full time then she should have lots left over, even on min wage, if her housing costs are so low and it's just her. Is it a case of champagne tastes, lemonade budget?

If she is no longer living at home and is working two jobs she really should be able to manage. I take it these two jobs make up full time hours even if minimum wage?

£350 pm rent is also very cheap. So what is she spending the money on? Before I would help, I would want to know where the money is going.

To answer your question, I would support a DC if they were working and struggling to pay bills or have a decent standard of life and I was financially able to. I wouldn't respond to 'demands' or pay for them to live far beyond their means. Learning to manage money is an important skill, and presumably she has the safety net of knowing she's not going to be suddenly homeless as she has loving parents, so now is the time to learn.

at 19? not a chance

I think it is partly wanting the Champagne lifestyle. This is the first time she has had to behave like an adult and I don't think she likes it. We could afford to help her out a little but it's the demanding and expectant nature which makes me reluctant and she won't learn how to live within her means.

Yes, the attitude would mean I wouldn't feel disposed to help at all!

Yes, she has the safety net. No landlord as such, just a friend who wants some rent and also a room at home. We wouldn't ask her to pay rent at home.

A single person, working full time (even at minimum wage) ought to be able to afford £350 ppm rent and still have a reasonable amount left to live on.

For me, if she wants any help, she'd have to share her financials... income and outgoings. She's an adult, a grown woman who works. Little incentive to better yourself if you're bankrolled.

How long would she be expecting you to support her for? A couple of months while she finds her feet snd sorts out budgeting or indefinitely? the former I would consider giving her some cash to help out, the latter most definitely not. She’s an adult now!

Perhaps you should ask her to pay rent at home…

I think thereabouts. She is telling us she is working 7 days a week. It's a little unclear. She wants to show that she is working hard and still struggling but then if she was working all the hours she was saying she is she should have plenty of money. I have asked for her to be honest about incomings/outgoings and sit down with us so we can see her situation but she says she can't afford to take a day of work to visit! She lives 45 minutes away.

We've helped her out for a few months so her asking is becoming regular. It always comes across as she is desperate and in crisis but it's the regularity of this now. I think she wants regular support but always says it's just a quick fix to tied her over.

Personally I would help my DS out if he were to live somewhere else, he’s 27 and shows no sign of wanting to move out, although he does save a lot. But if she won’t tell you how short of money she is, it’s difficult for you to know how much will help, you certainly shouldn’t feel obligated to give her money though.

Current rate (from 1 April 2023)
Age 21 to 22 £10.18
Age 18 to 20 £7.49
Under 18 £5.28
Apprentice £5.28

It’s a pretty low wage. If she’s doing 35 hours that’s only £262 p/w not that much with almost £81 gone on rent. OK not broke but food etc, I can see why a budget is needed.
THAT to me is the conversation, not what can we give her.

I’d agree to meet and go to her!

I would expect to see a budget first.

I wouldn’t let a 19yo not in full-time education live at home for free though because it gives a skewed sense of disposable income. I’d either charge a rent that is proportional to income and put the money in a savings account or have them put the money into savings directly. I’d do that even if I was having to help out a bit occasionally with finances. That might seem crazy, but it’s just too important to get used to paying for housing as it is a huge portion of anyone’s budget.

i would go to her then and sit down to sort out finances with her otherwise the money pipe is switched off. I mean I’d switch it off anyway but don’t let her fob you off!

You can manage to travel to visit your child for a few hours.

part of starting to see her as an adult is accepting that she is not always going to travel to you.

Until recently my daughter was working earning a little above minimum wage £10.50 per hour living as a lodger with rent of £500 per month.

It was plenty for her to live on (and she had quite large travel expenses) UNTIL she developed a Primark/shoe shopping/online gaming/Pret a manger habit.

You have to learn to live within your means.

Yes, good point. I was seeing the reluctance to travel as her way of getting out of having to sit down and go through finances. I can go to her.

She had to come home and I now charge her £45 per week keep (think it works out at £195 per month)

Well if she wants the champagne lifestyle she's needs a well paid job, how will she have any motivation to get a well paid job if you regularly support her. You will do her no favours by financially support her especially when she has a demanding attitude.