Financial Support for 19 year old who doesn't live at home and works

[Jessica167353]

Does anyone provide financial support for their 19 year old who has two jobs (Minimum wage) and lives with a friend? Her friend has asked her to pay £350 per month rent.

Just wondering what is normal as DD has become very demanding about money and how we must support her financially.

She does still have the option to live at home and work and not pay rent but would need to change jobs as it would be too far to commute but the option is there.

We have asked her to talk us through her incomings and outgoings but so far has not.

Very keen to know what others do and what is reasonable.

Then absolutely listen to your instincts and say no. £350 is cheap - I suspect (as with most young people now) she is eating out a lot and expecting all the whistles and bells - clothes, fab social life etc. The very reluctance to share her finances is telling! I sympathise with you as my son is similar and I have put my foot down. He has kicked off repeatedly but I have refused to budge and he is starting to improve and grow up. I’ve also taught him to cook his own meals eg chilli, curry, spag Bol. He now reluctantly admits he is grateful. Your DD won’t suddenly wake up one day with the financial skills she needs and tough love is required to teach them. My parents were pretty wealthy but never helped us kids out unless in genuine times of emergency. We all five of us grew up to be resilient and successful. Trust your gut and good luck.

She’s 19… so not on “minimum wage” yet but below it.

You need to talk to her about budgeting.

My view probably wouldn’t be the go to on MN. But for our DC if in university we would match whatever the gov states we should be supporting child with to give them a basic standard of living (if grants etc reduced due to our income).

And we would try and help out up until 25 (as “kids” are not considered independent for finance purposes until this age and no proper minimum wage until 23)

We’d consider this a good investment to prevent failure to launch and we are paying about 5k a year per child as it is so not much difference just elongates the term.

Always feel bad for the kids who go to poorly paid work instead of Uni, they are essentially cut off while some of their mates are off at Uni having thousands thrown at them by gov and can have rents of 350-800 a month paid for by parents, then after 3/4yrs of this hedonism they come out to graduate jobs. Doesn’t seem fair.

Depending where she is living (what the LHA rate is) she might be able to claim Universal Credit.

It would be interesting to know what constitutes a 'basic standing of living'. I'll do some research on this so I can see what is a reasonable amount to live on.

It would be interesting to know what constitutes a 'basic standing of living'. I'll do some research on this so I can see what is a reasonable amount to live on.

My son at uni lives on £200 per month basic amount after rent which includes bills. He is able to supplement that by up to another £100 per month for some of the time depending on when he is able to work.

Universal Credit for an under £25 year old is £292 per month after housing costs (bills have to come out of that amount).

So she works but that money is for fun, not bills… she needs to grow up!

I'd visit her every few weeks, take her out for dinner and pay for a food shop, but that's it.

If she's really struggling so ask for her income and outgoings details - and yes offer to go to her.

If she can't spent half an hour totting up her costs then you know your answer.

https://nextstepssw.ac.uk/home-page/is-university-for-me/a-guide-to-student-finance/

Broadly speaking if you are a student you can apply for a loan to cover your living costs as below (many will not pay this back at all or only minimal amounts of it).

The gov expects that if there is a shortfall due to parental income being high that parents will make this up. Most will and many go far beyond this (cars/accom costs).

Most will work part time on top of this for fun money and there are bursaries, hardship funds, other grants direct from unis so they are (if the parents don’t abandon) very comfortable.

@Jessica167353

Your daughter should be on about 15.5k, taking home 14.5k after tax am I right?

Student would be say £10k living cost loan + if they are working pt (20hrs) in 30wks term time and 40 during 22wks hols this would give a further £4494 and £6591.20 in income. Totalling £21,085.20
(they won’t be taxed at all and they get 10 - 20% off everything everywhere they go too).

If she is socialising or living with students this is where she will really be struggling to keep up.

If she was at uni or was looking for her first 'proper' job I'd be happy to help her but (to me) she's chosen a lifestyle and she's going to have to learn to live within her means. You can't help forever.

I'd support my child on their journey but not once they were at their destination (except in an emergency).

@zoemum2006 be a bit sad if OP’s daughter were at her “destination” of a minimum wage job at 19.

You don't have the information to decide, apart from the rudeness. In your shoes, I'd expect a clear account of her income before I made a decision. It seems you know her outgoings already.

This is really hard,on one hand I'm thinking 'nope, that's a very low rent and there is plenty of spare cash' on the other hand she is 19 and has a job 👏👏👏👏👏

What about not giving her anything directly because she needs to learn to manage, but you put aside (secretly) the equivalent of her rent each month for when she needs to find another rental and needs a deposit etc. IME 19 year olds move frequently!

The demanding and expectation would put me off. However, could you compromise and say you’d give her £150 (or whatever) for a set period of time, and then it’s up to her. Maybe for ten weeks or up to Christmas. It may tgg he don give her time to adjust her spending.

or oerhaps give her £350 for sept, £250 for oct, £150 for Nov, etc.

If it was my child I would be saying that I could no longer help financially but would be happy to sit down and go through income/expenses to try and help them manage better. If you keep helping her with money where does it end? She's an adult know if she was studying that would be different but if she wants to be a grown up then she needs to learn how to manage. £350 is a very low rent especially if that includes bills too.
What work does she do now? Is she's working 7 days a week when does she have time to spend money?

She works in a pub and a cafe. So yes, agree not much time to spend money if she is working as much as she says she is.

probably coke 🥴

It would depend on several things. Did you ask her to leave home? Are you wealthy? What would you have done if she were at Uni?
I probably would help out a bit - maybe paying the phone contract or something.

I wouldn’t, but I would sit down and discuss with her what her future plans are. If she wants to attend university or do a vocational course. I would contribute to her bettering her situation and getting off minimum wage.

She left of her own accord and decision. Her room is still available to her and she knows she is welcome back. She sees that as taking a step back though which is fair enough I guess. We are comfortable but we are careful with our money and do not spend lavishly. Although I think in her eyes she sees we have enough so knows we could afford to give her more so is disgruntled that we don't and we 'would rather see her suffer' - her words.
If she was at Uni we would support her in some way maybe with accommodation costs but she would also be expected to take out a maintenance loan and have a PT job to support herself. If she was in education even part time we would be willing to help in some way.

No...of course not

I think OP the way I would approach it would be to firstly offer help with budgeting with the details revealed to you.

If she persists with the complaints try and explain to her that to be more comfortable financially she has two options:-

a) Move back home (where there are no accomodation/bill costs) until she turns 23 and/or gets a better job.

b) Attend university where her combined income from student funding/work would be vastly greater than now.

By the by as far as I know you can still get full time Uni funding when you are part time on a full time course as long as you do 50% or more of the credits for a given year - ie it would take 5-6yrs rather than 3. You’d need to have a discussion with an advisor from the union/student finance to confirm but I reckon that still works!!

I hope you make some headway with her. Somebody else suggested meeting up near her going for a meal and helping with a food shop every few weeks. That seems like a nice gesture to show support to open the way for conversation.

I would tell her that if she did an apprenticeship I would contribute.

I think your problems will start if she moves home, because she will not be happy about that at all!

As she’s over 18 she may well be amassing credit card debt, buying on credit eg from Very, or using other very high interest schemes in order to buy what she wants without having to save up for it. My DD got in a pickle with credit during her 20s, she was living at home and paying just £200/month rent, but buying expensive brands of shoes, bags, gym membership… car… happily she had her lightbulb moment and it’s taken a few years but she’s debt free now - but she didn’t tell me at the time. I couldn’t have afforded to bail her out anyway, but I’m not sure I’d have handed money over even if she’d asked.

Your DD is legally adult, chosen to live away from home, chosen to come out of education, and has to choose to live within her means without you facilitating otherwise.