Toddler completely out of control

[Stripeytrousersandtop]

My toddler is a law onto himself at the moment and I don’t really know how to deal with him.

A major problem is the car seat. No matter how tight the straps are he can get his arms out and then he lies horizontally across the back seat, it terrifies me and is also unsafe for the baby (newborn) who is in the other car seat. Telling him not to do something doesn’t work, he generally doesn’t even respond. I often feel really helpless in situations when we’re out and about as he does what he wants and I can’t do anything about it. Not sure if I just have to wait it out or not.

How old is your toddler? Sounds very much like mine.

Your toddler is not in a properly fitted car seat, that’s why he can get his arms out. Get a fit check for your car seat and then that won’t happen anymore.

I can try @TheBarbieEffect , it’s worth a shot. How do I do that?

@abbs1 He is 3 in November.

Stop the car every single time he takes his arms out of the straps.

Plus as a previous poster says, get the fit checked at sonewhere line Halfords.

He wouldn’t care @Littlefish , he would think it was a fun game. I’ll get the fit checked but being honest I don’t know what they’ll do that we haven’t already tried.

Post on the Extended Rear Facing (ERF) Car Seat Safety page on Facebook and ask for a fit check, they’ll be able to tell you how to make sure he’s fitted correctly in the seat and keep him safe.

He isn’t rear facing sorry. I don’t use Facebook but I will go to Halfords. I just genuinely have no idea what the magic solution is. No matter what you do he escapes

My son used to do this and climb out. Every time he did it I told him off very sternly about how dangerous it was and that is not a game. The car stopped and we didnt go anywhere. I told him mummy could be taken away by the police if he doesn't stay buckled in his seat. He quickly learned and stopped doing it.

My daughter 18 months has now started doing the same even with the straps on properly and she's quickly learning she can't do it. Same thing I told my son.

Halfords can definitely help with fitting of the car seat. They helped me.

Thanks. One of the big problems is he just doesn’t listen to anything I say, or finds it funny, the firmer I am the funnier he finds it. So stopping and starting the car he’d just find really funny, it would quickly turn into a game. I’ve mentioned the car seat but it’s the same with everything and I feel very drained and also quite scared sometimes as I don’t feel I’ve any control. Which is ridiculous as he’s not even 3. But he was repeatedly hitting the TV with a toy before. I took the toy off him but he got another. I put him in his room but then he starts it again. It’s constant. As soon as he stops destroying something he moves to the next, it feels like anyway. Rambling here sorry.

https://www.halfords.com/baby-and-child/travel-accessories/child-safety/5-point-plus-anti-escape-system%3A-6-months-to-4-years-478070.html?cm_mmc=Google+PLA--Baby+and+Child%3ETravel+Accessories%3EChild+Safety--Baby+&+Child%3ETravel+Accessories%3EChild+Safety--478070&$ja=tsid:|cid:17136607329|agid:|tid:|crid:|nw:x|rnd:2187803793583117160|dvc:m|adp:|mt:|loc:1007322&gclid=Cj0KCQjw0vWnBhC6ARIsAJpJM6c9uV49kX41b-ygNN1bPMXqzEjSoGLQzzuk5mE72mxT4HvOAi9pLcgaAocaEALw_wcB

I have one of these (from Vinted). It doesn't stop my toddler but slows her down.

I'm going to put her front facing soon because that way she can use the impact cushion (it's a Cybex Sirona) which they simply cannot escape.

My first child in particular was an absolute destroyer. He destroyed, and broke, and bulldozed everything in his path. He was big and strong and exuberant and wanted to touch everything. I felt like I was constantly, constantly giving him a row. He's now 7 and absolutely lovely, so easy and sweet and gentle. He's still exuberant and curious and full of energy but the destruction has (mostly) stopped. Stick in there.

I totally get it @Stripeytrousersandtop. My 2 year old is the same. It’s infuriating.

To address just your immediate issue - have a look for anti escape car seat harnesses, such as Escape Me Not.

I’ve got one of those but yes like you say he can break free of it. Why do they make our lives so difficult!? I’m half tempted to get rid of the car seat, if it was legal I would. Because it’s so unsafe him half in and half out.

Cross post @AngryBirdsNoMore , I ordered one from Amazon a while back. But he just gets out.

There’s lots of behaviour peads etc on insta to follow. I find some of their recommendations helps so much, I find my ds works better with praise, I can spend the whole day telling him off and a lot like you he just thinks it’s a game. So I’ve started making a huge fuss when he’s doing something good and try to ignore the bad (obviously remembering safety first and I do say no etc) but defo find that he enjoys praise and treats.

obviously you can’t ignore him climbing out of his seat but when he is sitting in it nicely try making a huge fuss and offering a reward or treat (this could be a toy or book etc) but it needs to be immediate. It’s worth a try.

Also a great car activity is a sticker book. I just bought a little a5 pad and a load of spot stickers off Amazon coat £3 for the both I think and little one loves them once he’s into it.

I think this is the problem @Fightingtobepositive . I do praise him lots and catch him being good if you like but then there will be behaviour I really can’t ignore and I have no way of stopping him and this happens a lot, or feels it does anyway. So like with sticker books he’d just rip up or stick the stickers all over the car.

Get a Houdini strap from eBay. Couple
Of pound.

🙈 oh bless. It’s such a hard age isn’t it. Is there anything that he lives that you could focus on as a reward?
or maybe when he’s doing something he shouldn’t and his sibling is doing something good then overly praise the other?

You can get car seats with a barrier shield in front - easy to Google, joie & cyber both do them but others too. These are safety checked to British standards, the strap clips are not generally recommended if you Google that.

That’s the one I’ve got thanks he gets out it it. Will try the barrier shield. It is a hard age, he can be lovely but I think what worries me is he seems to control things more than he should

It doesn’t matter - you can still post there and they will help you get the safest fit for him.

If he can get his arms out, he isn’t correctly fitted in the seat.

Although I will say that “safety tested to British standards” means nothing. Any seat that is not ERF is minimally tested.

Oh IP I've been there!
Distraction and avoid situations help whislt riding the wave. I promise you this phase will come and go, and then something else will come along 🙈
Soemthing to distract him in the car? An iPad? Magazine? Scribble pad?
Just try and avoid the situations entirely the best you can if you feel like you can't get through.

The daft thing is he likes the car. But then I glance in the mirror and he’s horizontal!

But I suppose what I’m saying is I feel like I don’t have any real control over him or situations, which is a worry for me when we’re out and about.

What car seat it is? We had a maxi cosi axiss fix but we just couldn’t get a good fit and he always escaped. Replaced it with a britax advansafix and no such issues.

Any seat that is not ERF is minimally tested.
This is utter bullshit though. Obviously we know rear facing seats are safer but there are plenty of forward facing seats that are ADAC tested.

Definitely get the car seat tested.
How does he behave at nursery? Is it just you he pushes the boundaries with?