Scared to death

[jenbug]

I am pregnant with a planned baby. Recently, i feel bombarded with social media comments, posts and in person remarks telling me becoming a parent is the worst thing in the world. Nobody knows yet as we haven't passed 12 weeks but this is starting to get me very down and anxious. I helped a massive amount with my nephew as he grew up so am not completely blinded or romanticising parenthood. I just need some reassurance it's not going to be the end of the person I am or a life ruining decision. Please be honest though x

You likely won’t regret it. It’s very hard but worth it

I'm not to this app so sorry i've if i'm doing this wrong. To me very hard isn't good. I want it to be a happy addition to my life :(

Having kids was the best thing I’ve ever done.
I’m appalled at all the ‘ I hate my child/ what have I done’ posts. I feel sorry for their kids, but this really isn’t the case for everyone.
Congratulations!

Thank you so much! I really needed to read this. I see all the 'i'm a mum but never have kids' comments and think, wow.

I don’t think the hardest thing was raising my child. It was that I wasn’t able to just focus on him and being a mother. It was the stress of everything else while caring for a child. It will be the best day of your life x

My three boys are my greatest achievements in life and I have done many things I’m quite chuffed about 😂they are hard work at times, of course, but they bring such absolute joy and love to our lives.

Congratulations!

I currently have a 6 week old, so very early days, but I can 100% say it is the best thing I've ever done. She's just smiled for the first time too - I don't think I've ever been happier!

It's hard. It's a big adjustment. But it is so worth it.

Good luck with the pregnancy! Enjoy it and try not to worry about what other people say.

It’s literally the best thing I ever did!
I could be less tired and have more money but 🤷‍♀️it’s all worth it.

Parenting is what you make of it.
It won't always be good and fingers crossed it won't always be bad or hard but it definitely changes you and I haven't found it easy at all and I'm very practically minded.

People post on here for support when it’s hard.
Some people post on social media to let others know it’s ok to struggle. A few years ago people only posted the good stuff and it felt isolating if you were struggling.

It’s hard work and it’s a big adjustment but my two little boys are totally worth it. I love them so much and they love me back. You’re only in the trenches a few years but the good stuff lasts forever (if we do it right!)

Parenting has its challenges (much like anything in life worth doing) but it the best thing I ever did. I became a foster parent once my kids grew up so it can't be that bad! I think some people just love to piss on other people's chips.

I think the use of "hard" is subjective. I find professional work can be "hard", but parenting "hard" is work which feels A LOT more fulfilling in my experience. I also expected the worst before becoming a new mum, and honestly it is not at all as bad as my expectations! I think having low expectations means you will be absolutely fine tbh. Think it's those who thought it would be ALL sunshine and rainbows! Also, people love to moan.

Lots of things are 'very hard' but also good.

Climbing a mountain for example..it's hard work but if you wanted to do its incredible.
Same with kids. It's hard work and it does change you and your life but quite a lot of that is positive. You'll understand when you hold your baby in your arms the first time. The love is worth it.
That doesn't mean there aren't times when it's awful but there's also incredible joy in it

As long as you don't have romanticised unrealistic expectations, you'll be fine. Your life as you know it is now over, but that's fine because you're moving on to the next stage - its supposed to be different. You will have challenges and those will be personal to who you are, but you will love that child more than you thought possible and it will be worth it.

Thank you so much everyone. I'm glad to hear your honest opinions

It's the hardest thing we've ever done but also the best, the highest highs and the lowest lows. I think if you're prepared for the tough bits they won't take you so much by surprised and you'll weather the storm better. Dh and I agree everyday that the pros massively outweigh the cons ❤️

It's so so hard, especially those first few years, but everyone knows and expects that. It's also amazing, more amazing that you can ever imagine. Being a mum, and watching that baby grow into a wonderful person is the best feeling in the world.

Having kids is amazing, it’s everyone else that’s the problem as it seems you are finding out already. You end up with unsolicited opinions from people, if you have nuisance extended family members they will get worse, people negatively comparing your child to theirs, people who think their opinion is more important than yours, people telling you that it would have been better if you had the other gender, people who will tell you they dislike your child’s name and people telling you what you should feed your child and when etc etc. In my experience my kids are the best thing that have ever happened to me, other peoples opinions are the headache! That’s the bit you need to brace yourself for!

My life wouldn't be half as enjoyable without kids as with. It's would be easier however.

For me, it boils down to: life's harder but more enjoyable; without children your life will be easier but far more Meh.

Also, you get to throw in a ton of love you could never quite experience unless you have your own child.

Please don't worry OP, everything will fall in to place.

Also remember that it's hard because it's new and you are learning so much - things get easier as you figure out what you're doing! You'll be amazing, please ignore the negativity and enjoy your pregnancy :)

This ^

I have never once related to any of the ‘kids are dickheads/it’s miserable/life’s so hard’ type posts, not even once. I absolutely adore being a mother and have genuinely enjoyed every single day, from newborn to now (DS is 2). I slid into it feeling like it was what I was always meant to be doing, I like to think I’m a good mum and my son is happy. That’s all that matters. Maybe I’ll hit some sort of roadblock but I doubt it very much.
congratulations and all the best 💐

It's the best thing you can ever do! You learn so much about life, about yourself and about love.

Things will change: things must change. You just have to make sure not everything changes!

Women who write these "I hate my child" posts are unhappy with their life, with their jobs and their partner. Just becouse they didn't learn how to manage the new lifestyle, its easier to blame it on the child than blame yourself. Just ignore those posts and comments and get ready for the time of your life!

Having a baby changes your life, it's true.

It is the most wonderful thing. I love my children more than anything. I would literally die for them, gladly, if it would save them. I don't think any other love is quite the same as that of a parent fir their child.

That doesn't mean that every day is sunshine and rainbows. Life isn't like that. There are phases that are hard. There are days they are little shits. But that doesn't mean that overall having these people in my life, to support and nurture, to watch grow and learn and take pride in, has not been the most marvellous addition to my life. When they are happy, I am happy. I am only as happy as my saddest child.

And that to me is the biggest downside of parenthood, and it has not changed as my children have grown up. Loving someone this much makes you much more vulnerable. The thought of my children being seriously ill or dying literally turns my stomach. I never felt, before children, as powerful or as fragile as since my children came.

There are hard moments, of course, but it's without a doubt the best thing I ever did. I can't imagine ever wishing I didn't have my DC.