Scared to death

[jenbug]

I am pregnant with a planned baby. Recently, i feel bombarded with social media comments, posts and in person remarks telling me becoming a parent is the worst thing in the world. Nobody knows yet as we haven't passed 12 weeks but this is starting to get me very down and anxious. I helped a massive amount with my nephew as he grew up so am not completely blinded or romanticising parenthood. I just need some reassurance it's not going to be the end of the person I am or a life ruining decision. Please be honest though x

It's a great blessing and very hard too. There is no end to it.

Things that are worth having are usually difficult and painful at times.

I think having baby turns the whole "hard is bad, easy and happy is good" thing upside down.

You're dying from lack of sleep and you wish it could all Just Stop.

At the same time (if not immediately following birth then after a while) you also love your baby with a fever so crazy that means you'd happily die for them.

It's a wonderful madness and rollercoaster ride.

Argh how to describe it. Your life changes completely, it will test your relationship, your time isn’t your own anymore. But for me it is hands down the best thing I’ve ever done - my kids are amazing and they add so much to my life, I couldn’t imagine life without them. For every stressful afternoon thinking I wish I could just be reading my book rather than being climbed on etc, there are 100 amazing moments and you feel so proud when they start school, give you a hug, say I love you for the first time. It’s a strange one as on paper yes your life does get harder and you have less money and free time but you wouldn’t swap it for the world…

It's hard work, in the same way that if you got the job of your dreams and it's hard graft, but you still love it.

It's the same thing.

You get so many beautiful moments, pride, and enjoyment from your children. It outweighs everything, even though sometimes it feels rough.

I was shit scared about the way my life would change, but I got us on to a (insanely militant 😂) routine while I found my feet - I did eventually loosen up and even more so now I'm on my second, but it did help me feel more in control of my life.

@BumpyaDaisyevna thats such a beautiful post. Yes, my kids are the only people in the world I would die for and it’s such a privilege to feel a love that powerful 🥰

I have three, including two teens and one with SEN, so challenges aplenty!

I still have a guilty longing to do it all again.
We won't, because we can't really afford another child, and it feels a bit environmentally irresponsible to have a fourth child given that DH and I have already more than replaced ourselves. But, it is the most fun and exciting rollercoaster of experiences - intense love, watching a whole new little person grow and develop and seeing their personality emerge, and having a second childhood. There are trying days/weeks, challenges and a huge dollop of worry and guilt too, of course. But overall, it's a wonderful experience and I think, when baby is a few months old and his or her personality is starting to appear (and you're getting a bit more sleep), you'll love it and be so happy you did it

It is very hard OP, but definitely worth it. I am such a better person now than I was before my son. I am retraining and qualify in less than a year. Before kids I was so selfish but now I’m able to not be.

my son is 5 and he took his dad to McDonald’s tonight as it’s his dads birthday. I couldn’t go as working and he brought my back a frappe that he paid for himself ❤️. That is why you have kids, to watch them grow and learn and they become an awesome little sidekick too!

enjoy your pregnancy and don’t look at the social media 🤗

For me, being pregnant and giving birth were the hardest and most distressing and traumatic things I've ever been through... but everything after that was lovely.

Even though dd never slept, like ever.

She's 3yo and I still marvel at how her beauty is beyond compare, her eyes are like shining stars, everything she says is clever and funny and incredible, I love it when she hugs me and kisses me with her face covered in jam. I treasure her "artwork", I scroll through photos of her when I'm commuting.

It'll be great, op. I hope you have a smooth birth, lots of my friends have, hopefully you will too. Everything after that will be lovely (just with less sleep).

Bits of it will be hard. Just like anything else. But for most people, most of it is joyous. Don't worry- generally speaking happy people don't detail their life on SM.

Parenting can be very tough at times. After all life can be tough too. But there are also many rewarding times.

Today, I went with DS1 and DS2 to the dentist. DS1 had to have a tooth out and his ASD made everything more difficult than usual. However, he was very brave.

Afterwards, on the way out I had to go to the loo. When I caught up with them both, I found DS2 cuddling DS1 to help him feel better and stroking his head to reassure him. Then DS2 drove us home.

They are both in their 30s!

The thing with motherhood is that once you make that decision there is no going back. Most people wouldn’t admit regretting it because they can never change the situation anyway so they will always say they love it.
You will of course love your child but that doesn’t necessarily mean you will love being a mother.

It WILL be the end of who you are, having kids IS life changing, but the person you’ll become will learn so much about yourself that you didnt know and have the unconditional love and adoration of your child.
Ive never been loved like my kids love me.
Do they drive me bonkers? Absolutely! Would life be simpler without them, no doubt! Were there days when I wished I can turn them off for an hour/day/weekend and have my old life back for a bit…honestly, yes.
BUT would I swap it? No, because life without the two amazing people they’ve become would be awful now that I know them. They’ve taught me who I am, what I’m capable of and what love, real, abiding, selfless and complete love, is.

Having my children is the best thing I've ever done. Sometimes it is hard. But it is also amazing.

When people say its hard, I always feel that doesn't adequately describe it for me at least with two as a single parent.

It's way more than hard. It's literally relentless and it can be hard to impossible to be a person in your own right because you are mortgaged out with 24/7 responsibility.

There is no financial reward for your hard work, there is massive judgement from other people and children aren't exactly grateful either.

Overall, it's the lack of personal freedom that affects me most.

Nah honestly it is the best thing ever in the world. My dad always used to say to me “it’s what life is all about” I understood totally what he meant when my son was born

I found it a little bit challenging the first few months becoming a new mum but i never found it the hardest thing in the world. Its been the most rewarding, enjoyable, unforgettable 3.5 years so far. Its gone by in the blink of an eye! I don't think we'd do it again if it was that terrible. Saying that, some children are much easier/harder than others, my son has been pretty easy to be honest. Due number 2 in 6 weeks 🙈
Terrified but they are definitely worth it. Don't worry. You've got this