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Original poster

My son wants to be Cinderella

71 replies

soggyduck · 08/09/2023 11:32

Fairytale theme fancy dress coming up at school. My son (5) wants to go as Cinderella. I don't have a problem with this, but don't want him to be teased by the other children for turning up as a female character. Should I let him do it or try to persuade him to choose something else?

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MarilynBoo · 08/09/2023 13:54

I'd let him go but pack normal clothes in his bag in case he changes his mind on the day. I'd see it as no different from a 5 year old girl wanting to dress up as Harry Potter.

Blondeshavemorefun · 08/09/2023 14:06

We have a boy in our year (2) who likes pink purple and dresses and wore them on own clothes day and to a kids birthday party

If anyone said anything sure the mum and others would be on them like a ton of bricks

He must reliese that will make him a bit different

But equally it's fine to be different

runrabbit77 · 08/09/2023 14:07

Isn't it sad that we do not think twice about our daughters dressing as male characters but there is still such a toxic stigma around boys looking or dressing in 'girls' clothing or costumes.

Its important to think about where this comes from.

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Icycloud · 08/09/2023 14:12

CaptainMyCaptain · 08/09/2023 13:49

I think quite the reverse. I think if he is allowed to be a boy who likes wearing a dress he never needs to consider transgender ideas. He can just be who he is.

Show quote history

No need to be angry with me as I think if you want to be transgender it’s no one else’s business but in the real world people are trying to push transgender ideas onto impressionable children and a male child dressing up in female clothes is going to attract those people

Stormydayagain · 08/09/2023 14:13

Would you have an issue with your DD going as Harry potter?

I sometimes think that whilst sexism is clearly far far worse for adult women that adult men, that amongst young children the opposite is often true, very few people would bat an eyelid at a girl playing football, dressing as spider man or wearing school trousers, yet a boy doing ballet, dressing as Cinderella or wearing a school skirt (or even leggings at some schools) is still a massive drama.

Tell him he can dress as Cinderella, but if he asks if it makes him a girl, tell him "no, the chromosomes in every cell in you body make you a boy" (then be prepared to explain "cell" and "chromosome" in a way a 5yo understands!!).

SomePosters · 08/09/2023 14:18

Can we swap the ‘thanks’ button for an ‘yta’ button?

Let your son wear the dress, make sure he feels confident to shake of negative opinions wether they are if his dress, his nail polish, his hair cut or his facial scarring or his disability

Teaching kids they have to toe the line or be bullied is wrong and outdated.

You can do all the ‘right’ things and still be bullied

usernother · 08/09/2023 14:19

Toonali8 · 08/09/2023 13:23

The replies on here have made me sad. I wouldn’t dare say to my child you can do this but your friends may laugh at you- just as cruel as the laughing I reckon.

I would let him wear what he wants!

I don't think it's sad. I see it as being protective and trying to warn him about what might happen.

CaptainMyCaptain · 08/09/2023 14:20

Icycloud · 08/09/2023 14:12

No need to be angry with me as I think if you want to be transgender it’s no one else’s business but in the real world people are trying to push transgender ideas onto impressionable children and a male child dressing up in female clothes is going to attract those people

Show quote history

I'm not angry I just disagreed with you.

Do you know any child - in real life not on the internet - who has had transgender ideas pushed on them? I used to be a teacher, most of my friends are or have been teachers, I have teenage grandchildren and I have never heard of this happening in real life.

begaydocrime42 · 08/09/2023 14:27

Icycloud · 08/09/2023 13:46

I don’t think you should let him, encourage him to go as something else or other people might confuse him and start trying to push transgender ideas onto an impressionable child

Has that ever happened, in your experience? I've worked with children and generally any boy wearing a dress has been gently supported and a big thing hasn't been made of it at all? Just wondering who you think would do this?

CatMattress · 08/09/2023 14:40

Oh he absolutely should, but give him some pre-prepared phrases to use if anybody questions him.
"Only girls wear skirts"
A - "No they don't - scottish warriors and Vikings and pirates all wear skirts"

"That's a girl's dress"
A- "No it isn;t. It's my dress. I'm pretending to be Cinderella"

"Why are you wearing that?"
A- "Blue is my favourite colour/the skirt spins out and it's fun/I like pretending to be other people and Cinderella is my favourite film"

Stuff like that. It's a lot easier for them to be blase about being differnt if they have an easy way to respond. My DS had long hair age 4 (his choice, not mine) and loved to tell people he was going to be a pirate when he was grown up so he needed to start growing his hair now.

And there was a wee lad at my DD's preschool who loved wearing princess dresses and the only people who objected were his parents. Poor kid.

MeerkatsRule · 08/09/2023 14:41

I say let him go in whatever he wants.
I have a DS who favours ‘girls’ clothes and ‘girls’ colours. I was always of the opinion it’s a colour, wearing it isn’t a mistake if that’s what he wants, the idiot who first decided clothes and colours needed to be used for certain genders was the idiot. My DS was happy and felt validated and understood, his friends were great about it too. It was him being him rather than him dressing ‘girly’ IYSWIM. Then I read a load of nonsense on here about Trans and indoctrination blah blah blah, I let it get into my head and started putting brakes on what he wanted to wear. The result now is he feels less validated and he’s been unhappy about it and it’s altered our relationship slightly. I would do anything to undo reading that crap and listening to it. I’ve returned to letting him choose whatever he wants. Let him wear the dress. We are all specks on a rock here for a tiny amount of time, it doesn’t matter what material he is wrapped up in. Anyone who doesn’t understand are boring bigots and bullies. And we all encounter them no matter what we look like or wear anyway.

Orangebadger · 08/09/2023 15:40

Icycloud · 08/09/2023 13:46

I don’t think you should let him, encourage him to go as something else or other people might confuse him and start trying to push transgender ideas onto an impressionable child

Really?? Age 5! What 5 year old is going to push trans gender?

MidnightOnceMore · 08/09/2023 15:43

DanceMumTaxi · 08/09/2023 13:17

The other boys will definitely say something to him. It might not be teasing as such, but it’ll definitely be noticed and commented on. If you don’t mind, and you think your ds wouldn’t be bothered, then send him as Cinderella. If you know he’ll get upset maybe try and persuade him to be something else.

Edited

Surely not all of the boys will have been raised by small minded types? My kids wouldn't have commented on this 20 years ago.

Orangebadger · 08/09/2023 15:43

I think it's awesome and he should do it. No doubt some kids may say something, but this is the only way we can move forward and get free of gender stereotypes. My son was teased for liking pink. He did not care one bit. Hope he enjoys his fairytale day!

Brightandshining · 08/09/2023 18:10

He's 5. No one will care at all. The other kids will not care at all.
If he were 10 there might be more of an issue with other kids being nasty. But at 5? No. There's no need to mention anyone might make fun of him. It's very unlikely.

Ineedaduvetday · 08/09/2023 18:15

NeedMyDress · 08/09/2023 11:37

I wouldn't let him - I think he would be teased.

I agree

CaptainMyCaptain · 08/09/2023 18:31

Ineedaduvetday · 08/09/2023 18:15

I agree

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As a former Reception teacher I am 100% sure he wouldn't be teased.

Redwinestillfine · 08/09/2023 18:36

Cinderella costume shrunk in the wash. Sorry babe. Pick another.

Tellerium · 08/09/2023 18:39

SomePosters · 08/09/2023 14:18

Can we swap the ‘thanks’ button for an ‘yta’ button?

Let your son wear the dress, make sure he feels confident to shake of negative opinions wether they are if his dress, his nail polish, his hair cut or his facial scarring or his disability

Teaching kids they have to toe the line or be bullied is wrong and outdated.

You can do all the ‘right’ things and still be bullied

Idealistic.

It would be nice if being different didn’t lead to teasing but it does. Pretending otherwise is wrong.

Personally I wouldn’t be sending my kid in as the sacrificial lamb for the “different is good!” movement. Usually in a school setting, it is not.

OneCup · 08/09/2023 18:43

My friend's son was drawn to dresses. His mum let him wear what he wanted. She said at that age, kids didn't tease or bully. He did start getting comments in year 1 though.

itsmyp4rty · 08/09/2023 18:44

While the other 5 year olds might not make much of it and the teacher would be there if they did, would he not be in the playground at break time and lunch time with kids all the way up to Y6? The older kids might have a field day with it, that would be my concern. There are also the comment of parents before and after school and IME they can be even worse!

Ihaveawonderfulpartner · 08/09/2023 18:51

My son is now 7 and has always been drawn to pink, glitter, unicorns and sparkles. We've allowed him to go with this and encouraged his personal choices. He's worn all sorts to school and the only thing that was ever noted was his rainbow 🌈 lunchbox but the teachers soon advised the other children that we all like different things and that was accepted. He's got long blond hair and is often mistaken for a girl because of it but doesn't want short hair like his brothers. I love his individuality and long may it continue.

Judashascomeintosomemoney · 08/09/2023 18:55

Toonali8 · 08/09/2023 13:52

Christ, it’s one costume, this is ridiculous.

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Indeed. And yet, just the kind of response the, non returning OP, wanted I’m sure…

Himawarigirl · 08/09/2023 18:56

I think 5 is too young for teasing to be an issue so I wouldn’t worry. And however you phrase it, a warning that he might be teased creates a negative association with the idea. Send a backup costume by all means, saying it’s in case he changes his mind and nothing more. As kids do change their minds about costumes. But I’d do no more than that. A friend’s son spent the whole time he was four in a Cinderella dress and wellies. No one thought twice about it.

SomePosters · 08/09/2023 19:11

Tellerium · 08/09/2023 18:39

Idealistic.

It would be nice if being different didn’t lead to teasing but it does. Pretending otherwise is wrong.

Personally I wouldn’t be sending my kid in as the sacrificial lamb for the “different is good!” movement. Usually in a school setting, it is not.

Show quote history

Well as girl who had to go to school bald i can tell you I’d rather live in my idealistic world where I can look and dress how I like and not care if some people embarrass themselves by being dicks to me than in your self-enforced hell hole where I can never step out of line for fear someone might say something

People can’t bully you if you don’t give a shot what they think and you’re prepared to stand up to try en from the beginning

You stop your kid getting bullied by not making them fear bullies