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Original poster

10 day old won't sleep

33 replies

Laro2323 · 07/09/2023 18:47

FTM here and absolutely falling apart with the newborn phase. My 10 day old just won't fall asleep anywhere but on us. We wait until he's in a deep sleep to try put him down but he instantly wakes up and screams the flat down. We're absolutely broken with no sleep and it's significantly impacting my mood (long history of anxiety and depression). We've tried everything - swaddling (he liked, now he hates), topping up after BF with formula on advise of midwife, white noise etc etc. NOTHING works and I just don't see how we can carry on . How long does this go on for!?

Any advice greatly appreciated!

OP posts:
Justpoppingon · 07/09/2023 18:51

My daughter was the same - sending sympathy. I remember thinking I'd never get through it but I did and so will you. My husband and I slept in shifts for the first 6 weeks, it was horrendous but we just about got through. After that I learned how to safely co-sleep. I know it isn't for everyone but doing it to get through a desperate time doesn't mean you'll be doing it forever. Following Lyndsay Hookway and Little Nest Sleep on Instagram also helped me to just feel less of a failure about the whole thing. Good luck - it will pass!

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 07/09/2023 18:51

I let them sleep on me or on their belly- it was the only way at the beginning

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fearfuloffluff · 07/09/2023 18:54

Alternatives are taking it in turns, or I sometimes resorted to using a soft sling and then propping myself up on a pile of pillows and attempting to sleep. Somewhat risky but if you're that exhausted it's better than accidentally falling asleep on the sofa etc.

If you know anyone who can come and help by holding the baby while you sleep, don't be scared to ask!

fearfuloffluff · 07/09/2023 18:55

Also wait like ten mins before putting down so he's in deep sleep, and keep your hand pressed on his tummy for a bit to mimic being against you, then remove very carefully. And warm the cot surface with hot water bottle etc so the temp doesn't shock him.

fearfuloffluff · 07/09/2023 18:57

I also found getting out of the house helped a lot with anxiety - even if it's just a two minute walk round the block.

Peachee · 07/09/2023 18:57

Both mine were like this.. white noise was my saviour.. have you tried it? Also I had a mother in law who would gently rock the baby in his moses basket. You need lots of support so you can get naps in too.
My friend has a newborn and the baby settles down to music by enya.I was adamant my first slept on their back but neither settled on their back so I slept my second on his side so I could transfer him easier. That is not recommended for safe sleeping. It was just a last resort for me because it was more dangerous for me to be awake constantly than him sleeping on his side and me getting short periods to recharge.

FFSWhatToDoNow · 07/09/2023 18:58

Read up on the fourth trimester.

your baby is normal. Your expectations less so.

sparklefresh · 07/09/2023 18:59

FFSWhatToDoNow · 07/09/2023 18:58

Read up on the fourth trimester.

your baby is normal. Your expectations less so.

That's unnecessary and harsh.

Peachee · 07/09/2023 19:00

Also me and my other half did shifts especially through the night. There’s no doubt it’s super tough and you’re probably doing a grand job.

ReeseWitherfork · 07/09/2023 19:01

“How long goes this go on for?”
I can’t remember but it does slowly fade off. Sleeps in the cot get more frequent and longer gradually over time. Mine were never great and by 12 weeks I’d happily have them in a bouncy chair with my foot bouncing it while I ate dinner etc.
Take up offers of anyone willing to hold baby for a bit while you sleep. I’ll come round and do it!

Hang in there, and congratulations!

Oliotya · 07/09/2023 19:02

Completely normal. Try cosleeping.

Sofasurfer23 · 07/09/2023 19:03

If you are breastfeeding you can pop them in a next to me, feed them to sleep by crouching into and then slowly move away. I did find my baby wanted me close so we found this a good compromise between cosleeping in my bed.

iloveburmese3 · 07/09/2023 19:03

Probably lactose intolerance? Try also lullaby music at night, hand on tummy and throw money at the problem for a week and get a night nurse. Worth every single cent.

PicturesOfLily · 07/09/2023 19:03

Might not be what you want to hear but my dd was like this and we started safe co-sleeping pretty quickly after I almost dropped her sitting up and feeding. I learnt to bf lying down and we all got some sleep. She loved a stretchy carrier and was happy in there during the day so I could get things done and rest my arms. It’s tough but you’ve got this.

CurlewKate · 07/09/2023 19:08

Oh I wish I could tell you to cosleep! People do it safely all over the world-why can't we?

Bumblebee2022 · 07/09/2023 19:21

I was in your position 15 years ago. We got through it by realising ds hated sleeping on his back, but would sleep for longer on his tummy. I was advised to remove a layer of bedding/clothing as we loose heat through our tummies and it would help baby to regulate their temperature. Also, as others have said, co sleeping saved us. I learnt to feed lying down so I could sleep at the same time and didn’t have to move ds when he was done.

it is much better to read up on safe co sleeping and make the bed area safe before you go to bed, rather than get in an exhausted state during the night and fall asleep with the baby on the sofa.

fearfuloffluff · 07/09/2023 19:24

CurlewKate · 07/09/2023 19:08

Oh I wish I could tell you to cosleep! People do it safely all over the world-why can't we?

Actually the official advice has changed now so they don't tell you absolutely not to any more, just tell you how to do it safely - as so many people do it out of necessity anyway.

Chunkyspunkymunkey · 07/09/2023 19:34

Dummy?

toodledo · 07/09/2023 19:42

Take it in turns to sleep and try BF lying down in bed for co-sleeping. You need to get through the 4th trimester. Baby just wants to be held by you as this world is very different and scary from the one they've been used to. I promise it won't lash forever! We had this and at 3 months old he slept in his own cot

Needaholi · 07/09/2023 20:09

This is soooo normal. Difficult I know, but try co-sleeping. And read up on 4th Trimester. I doubt a formula top up will make a difference either.

fearfuloffluff · 07/09/2023 20:26

Mumsnet always says 'read up on fourth trimester' (Why isn't there an acronym RUOTFT?)

But you're sleep deprived so basically:

  • human babies would ideally be gestated for 12 months
  • Human anatomy was shaped through evolution
  • When we started walking on two legs, the pelvis had to get narrower
  • 12 month babies won't fit through
  • Babies have three trimesters in the womb then another three months after birth when they want womb-like conditions
  • Being warm and held and hearing your hearbeat is much more womb-like than a cot
ReeseWitherfork · 07/09/2023 21:25

@fearfuloffluff shudder at the thought of birthing a one year old (don’t worry, I knew you meant 3 month old). Happy to second the motion to create the RUOT4T acronym.

OP if fluff’s theory is right, you are 2 weeks down out of 12. But it’s a gradual improvement over that time.

fearfuloffluff · 07/09/2023 21:55

ReeseWitherfork · 07/09/2023 21:25

@fearfuloffluff shudder at the thought of birthing a one year old (don’t worry, I knew you meant 3 month old). Happy to second the motion to create the RUOT4T acronym.

OP if fluff’s theory is right, you are 2 weeks down out of 12. But it’s a gradual improvement over that time.

@ReeseWitherfork :)
I did mean birthing a one year old! A baby would ideally stay in the womb and be born at one yearish. But that's impossible with the size of pelvic opening needed to have hips capable of walking. So they're born at 9 months and the remaining three they like womb-like conditions.

It's one of the reasons why giving birth is quite horrible for humans but not nearly so painful for other animals who go around on four legs.

Plus side is that we get all the cool stuff about being human, downside is painful birth and babies who won't be put down!

Anyway op, it is very hard, you just have to make it through this bit any way you can and trust that it's not forever. First baby is such a shock to the system, don't be disheartened if it's not what you dreamed of right now, this is only a tiny bit in the whole parenting journey.

Beachwaves127 · 07/09/2023 22:26

So very normal. You will get through it. Once you accept this is normal it becomes easier. it will pass. Other tips:

  • agree with pps: Take up offers of anyone willing to hold baby for a bit while you sleep
  • my Dc first slept alone for 7 mins. I persevered each night. I used to let her sleep on me until 3am and then try and get her down. She did a little longer each night on her own (I mean couldn’t get worse than 7 mins really)
you’ve got this x