10 day old won't sleep

[Laro2323]

FTM here and absolutely falling apart with the newborn phase. My 10 day old just won't fall asleep anywhere but on us. We wait until he's in a deep sleep to try put him down but he instantly wakes up and screams the flat down. We're absolutely broken with no sleep and it's significantly impacting my mood (long history of anxiety and depression). We've tried everything - swaddling (he liked, now he hates), topping up after BF with formula on advise of midwife, white noise etc etc. NOTHING works and I just don't see how we can carry on . How long does this go on for!?

Any advice greatly appreciated!

Personally I think the '4th trimester' thing is rubbish. By that I mean this idea that they behave a specific clingy way for 3 months and then they are ready to be a bit more independent.

I think the reality is that want to be near you because that's the safest place, and you are their safe place, rather than then being born too early.

Some babies will be able to sleep without contact immediately, some will take a few weeks or months, and some longer. There isn't a magical date that it happens, but it does eventually happen for all of them. Same with things like feeding to sleep (15m and 2.5 respectively here).

Personally, both of mine needed contact to go to sleep for years, but didnt always need it to stay asleep, so we could do sleepy transfers (than enjoyed snuggly naps where we could).

With our first we used to put her slightly on her side, at least at first. We'd also swaddle, use Ewan the sheep, and pre warm the cot. We also got a (lightweightish) wheat pillow that we'd put on her when we out her down to replicate the feeling of a hand. After about 5 minutes, we'd remove it and she'd usually stay asleep.

My second would go down as long as there was an exposed boob within touching distance, preferably with her hand on it 😂

I am not sure what is to blame, but its absolutely the rule that you will have unrealistic expectations of newborns sleeping in cots and prams and then reality is like a bulldozer to your face.

Baby is normal. Most need to sleep on you - you are all they have known - a cold cot is scary. They need to feel your heartbeat and warmth and smell.

Safe co-sleeping and sleeping in shifts is the only way we got through it. Rest as much as you can to preserve energy!

Came here to say, you've got this and this phase will pass as they all will ♥️

Co-sleeping safely is life changing and mood saving. I've done it with both of mine from day 1 and it was the only way I got sleep too.

Take it in shifts. Getting at least 4hrs straight is a game changer. Slings are great for day time.

It does get easier. I know it's horrible to hear when you're in the thick of it but soon you'll be out the other side giving people advice. Lyndsey hookway on IG saved my sanity many times.

Also if things don't magically improve at 12 weeks - don't worry - it will probably be a gradual improvement.

Just because its normal doesn't mean it's not hard x

Hey OP
The newborn stage is wonderful but it’s a lot!

Lots of people saying co-sleeping, it works for many families, didn’t work for me. I couldn’t sleep, I just couldn’t switch off, kept thinking I would squash or drop the baby, I knew in reality, provided I followed the safety guidelines, that wouldn’t happen but still it wasn’t for me.

Instead, whilst I was feeding them, I would pop a hot water bottle in the moses basket/crib, I would also have a muslin wrapped over me so it would smell like me. When baby finished feeding I would transfer, remove the hot water bottle and tie the muslin around the top of the cot (out of reach and not near baby’s face) that seemed to work.

You will find your way soon enough x

Bulldozer 🤣 so, so true.

How are you doing OP?

Just let them sleep on you and take it in turns to sleep with your partner. That's what did with both of mine.
They're tiny animals and need to be with people to feel comfort. We didn't evolve with cots - they need to be with a parent to feel comfort. It's the 4th trimester