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Original poster

Stealing chocolate

31 replies

Aliceinwonder1 · 06/09/2023 19:28

Hi. I am unsure what to do with my nearly 7 year old who keeps taking chocolate and treats we have in the house.
It's happened several times now that we've caught through finding wrappers or noticing things have gone missing. She has admitted it. The first few times we tried to be softer and explain why we don't do that etc and then we went harder but it's happened again today with chocolate bars we only bought last night!

We've moved all the treats but need to have some in the house as it's for her older siblings and we don't want to restrict them completely from her either as know that can lead onto other issues. But we're at a loss. She says she doesn't know why she takes them but they taste nice. I guess it's just a case of wanting more maybe as we do give treats (sometimes too many I've felt in the past to be honest)! So it's not like they don't get them. Her older siblings don't do it nor have ever, but she has done it before at a very young age and now I wonder if she always has but we didn't notice!

Unfortunately it's affecting her weight and we have really seen that she is bigger than her peers and in truth bigger then is healthy for her. At first we couldn't understand why and adjusted our portion sizes as in truth we probably all have too big a portion for dinner but actually overall we eat balanced, healthy dinners!

I'm really unsure what to do and tonight feel so disappointed that she's done it again but unsure what to put in place, talking doesn't do anything and punishments I really am not sure will work but we can't just let her keep taking things every time we forget to put it high enough she can't get to it!

Any advice would be welcome, I obviously will be trying to get her to do more exercise and keep an eye on her food to help her lose the weight without her being aware of it as obviously I don't want her to have body issues...but genuinely it is affecting her weight quite a bit!

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Newuser75 · 06/09/2023 19:50

Is she hungry or just craving the sugar? Could you hide them so she doesn't know they are there?

It's hard though as you definitely don't want to make her feel ashamed or guilty over it.

SpacePotato · 06/09/2023 20:53

She must be stealing and eating a lot of chocolate to affect her weight so much?

If she simply can't control herself you need to keep all treats away from her reach.

Original poster
Aliceinwonder1 · 06/09/2023 21:05

We didn't realise at first as to be honest just didn't think one of the kids would! We had noticed a bit of a weight gain so reduced portions thinking it might be that and were careful about treats..in truth we just thought bless her she's going to struggle a bit with maintaining weight if she puts it on after a weekend of less healthy etc but turns out she's been taking bars and bars for god knows how long. It only came to light as she obviously got greedy and took a lot in on go so me and my partner questioned each other and realised we hadn't eaten any!

We can't really hide them as she will know they're in the house, we've moved them way up high so she can't climb to get them (as they were high but she figured out how to get to them)!
I just am not sure how to get through to her that we don't do that. I don't want it to be as a teenager she's binging etc so want to nip it but unsure how.

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DiscoBeat · 06/09/2023 21:30

Don't have them in the house! Occasional small treats for everyone that they have there and then but not enough that you need to store. We had a similar issue with biscuits. Now if they want some they make them (small batches).

CurlewKate · 06/09/2023 21:34

She must be eating a lot for it to be affection her weight! I'd be careful about calling it stealing- if she took an apple from the fruit bowl would that be stealing?

Aworldofmyown · 06/09/2023 21:35

We have a plastic student house lock box, it lives in the cupboard and contains chocolate and sweets. I'm happy for the kids to have the treats but they have to ask and there is a limit on how much.
We tried everything else.

Moriquendi · 06/09/2023 21:50

I was your daughter. I took chocolate as a child and still struggle with it now. I have an incredibly sweet tooth and really struggle to only eat one biscuit or one chocolate bar.

The only way I have found to stay a healthy weight is not having chocolate/ biscuits in the house. Buying occasional treats out, ice-cream etc is fine, but once it’s in the house I have to eat it. I eat lot of fruit to keep the sugar craving under control, not great but much better than chocolate!

Instead of punishing your daughter (which never did anything for me, I just learnt to hide it better) try supporting her and removing all the chocolate from the house for a minimum of 3 months. It takes a long time to rewire the brain into not craving chocolate and she is young enough that you have control over what she eats, which won’t be the case once she hits secondary school age.

Don’t phrase the removal of the chocolate like a punishment for her, come up with some other reason, cost of living maybe? Emotional eating is a very tricky cycle to break and shaming her (or her siblings blaming her for the lack of treats) won’t help.

Really hope you manage something. Maybe have a look at the weight loss board and ask there for advice? I think for many people this would be a familiar story and different people might having different ideas you could try?

Mumofmarauders · 06/09/2023 22:06

My eldest is profoundly autistic and unable to regulate his sense of whether he's full or not (also tbf he's eleven and never stops moving so does need a huge amount of food!). We have those magnetic locks on our kitchen cupboard doors to stop him getting food out and eating too much of it. I expect your daughter would work out the mechanism quite quickly (luckily he's still completely foxed!) but could you keep the magnets to open the cupboards somewhere out of reach?
Obviously she'll know what you're up to, so I wonder whether you can frame it as something you're doing to help yourself in some way. Maybe rather than making it about weight you could say your dentist said you're eating too much sweet stuff so you want to make sure you only have it at meals? I have to admit I was a child who would always take chocolate if I thought my parents wouldn't notice. Don't think there was much psychological stuff going on in my case, I just loved it (still do). The one thing that personally I think isn't helpful at all is anything that risks making her feel ashamed and secretive or like she's gross or weird for it. Much better to talk about it in a relatable way and have a laugh about how tempting it is.

SErunner · 06/09/2023 22:08

Don't buy them, her older siblings don't need them either. Just have them as treats when out and about so it's clear whose they are and when they're being eaten.

Original poster
Aliceinwonder1 · 06/09/2023 23:44

Her older siblings have packed lunches so we do need some stuff in the house. And in all honesty it seems really harsh to never have it because she keeps taking it. We have put it somewhere she cannot get to it, nor the others now and will ensure we don't forget and accidentally chuck something into the usual cupboard.
If she was taking a small amount it wouldn't be so much of an issue, not great still but to an extent most kids do. However the quantity is a lot and then she still asks for bits out and we're starting to feel a bit mugged off I guess by it all!
Thanks for all the comments. I'm very aware of the relationship with food concerns as mind is not great at all which is why we've never banned everything and gone with the everything in moderation approach but apparently she's not on board with that at the moment!
Main suggestion is to have it where she can't get it which we will do and monitor. I am confident her weight will reduce again when she doesn't have the access, it's just frustrating she's still doing it.

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BadPaintDay · 06/09/2023 23:54

I've just posted a similar story on the teen board... my dd is 14 and it is affecting her massively. I haven't a clue what to suggest - only to say sort it now or seek help as it gets worse if not....

Octosaurus · 07/09/2023 01:30

Stop buying it. We never had sweets and crap in the house. Also get her to join a sports team

Thepossibility · 07/09/2023 04:32

My youngest sister was always like this. Just greedy and impulsive really. I think she also felt she needed to eat them before any of us got them (so would eat the lot quickly). She's a morbidly obese adult now. I wouldn't be going softly, she's obviously not scared of being caught. My mum went softly and indulgently and now my sister probably has a drastically reduced lifespan and a terrible quality of life.

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 07/09/2023 04:40

Locked boxes for everyone to have their own treats. She gets her allocated portion and when it's gone, it's gone. If she somehow manages to steal from someone else then she forfeits her next week's treats to make up for it.

She has a lack of impulse control and she may or may not learn to over time. Help her by reducing the temptation.

Original poster
Aliceinwonder1 · 07/09/2023 07:47

BadPaintDay · 06/09/2023 23:54

I've just posted a similar story on the teen board... my dd is 14 and it is affecting her massively. I haven't a clue what to suggest - only to say sort it now or seek help as it gets worse if not....

This is my concern, sorry to hear your dd is struggling.

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Original poster
Aliceinwonder1 · 07/09/2023 07:53

Thepossibility · 07/09/2023 04:32

My youngest sister was always like this. Just greedy and impulsive really. I think she also felt she needed to eat them before any of us got them (so would eat the lot quickly). She's a morbidly obese adult now. I wouldn't be going softly, she's obviously not scared of being caught. My mum went softly and indulgently and now my sister probably has a drastically reduced lifespan and a terrible quality of life.

When I say we went soft I mean we didn't shout and that...we were angry and she knows we're angry. She cried but we know that's just because she was caught!

I like the idea of the lock box for each person. However in all honesty I feel so angry that it's potentially come to it because she can't think of others or control herself. Almost punishing everyone else because of it.

I know that's just a rant because it's happened and will happen again if we aren't on it...but yeah I'm so annoyed with her that it's come to this now and then I get worried because she's obviously got an issue with food and I know as a female it is an ongoing bloody battle.

OP posts:
MontblancTheSecond · 07/09/2023 07:57

I wouldnt restrict the portion size she has for lunch/dinner, she’s 6 and needs the nutrients to grow!
Id keep the chocolate out of the house for now and live a more healthy life style as a family for a while. She might just grow out of this phase.

InconvenientPeg · 07/09/2023 08:08

Maybe try to reframe in your head the locked boxes for each person. Because you're angry and frustrated with her, you're annoyed about potential solutions and changes (which I totally understand) but I doubt there's much thought or any maliciousness in what she's doing. It's a compulsion which she can't control. If you assume she'll always feel this way, and you need to help her find coping mechanisms for it, then it might help you feel a bit less frustrated with the situation.

Sugar cravings are awful, (mine were due to medication and illness) and nearly a year after I still feel a flood of relief when I look at a table of treats and don't want to dive in and not stop stuffing my face, so I think it's probably really overwhelming for a child.

Lonicerax · 07/09/2023 08:28

Sugar craving is like an addiction imv. I looooooooved sweets - fortunately on medication for adhd now and thankfully after 50 years of craving now have things under control.

I would lock them up. as I had that craving myself, also for cigs and alcohol, and it's not just being naughty or selfish.

You can sort this for her.

Moriquendi · 07/09/2023 09:09

She is a child, only 6! You are expecting way too much from her and attributing malice to her actions when there isn’t any! All children have poor impulse control and a sugar craving can be very strong.

If your husband had an alcoholic addiction I bet you would take it more seriously and agree not to have any in the house. Support your daughter the same way. Most people can have an healthy relationship with alcohol but some can’t and either need support to monitor their intake or not to have any. Same with chocolate.

And your older children do not “need” chocolate in their lunch boxes, nobody needs chocolate. Is there a treat like ginger biscuits or something that the older ones like but she does? That might work for the lunch boxes?

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 07/09/2023 09:43

Moriquendi · 07/09/2023 09:09

She is a child, only 6! You are expecting way too much from her and attributing malice to her actions when there isn’t any! All children have poor impulse control and a sugar craving can be very strong.

If your husband had an alcoholic addiction I bet you would take it more seriously and agree not to have any in the house. Support your daughter the same way. Most people can have an healthy relationship with alcohol but some can’t and either need support to monitor their intake or not to have any. Same with chocolate.

And your older children do not “need” chocolate in their lunch boxes, nobody needs chocolate. Is there a treat like ginger biscuits or something that the older ones like but she does? That might work for the lunch boxes?

I agree

SErunner · 07/09/2023 13:15

Moriquendi · 07/09/2023 09:09

She is a child, only 6! You are expecting way too much from her and attributing malice to her actions when there isn’t any! All children have poor impulse control and a sugar craving can be very strong.

If your husband had an alcoholic addiction I bet you would take it more seriously and agree not to have any in the house. Support your daughter the same way. Most people can have an healthy relationship with alcohol but some can’t and either need support to monitor their intake or not to have any. Same with chocolate.

And your older children do not “need” chocolate in their lunch boxes, nobody needs chocolate. Is there a treat like ginger biscuits or something that the older ones like but she does? That might work for the lunch boxes?

Agreed. None of your children need chocolate in the house (nor do you). Problem solved.

DreamTheMoors · 18/11/2023 06:13

Every year growing up a family friend gifted us a 5lb box of premium chocolates for Christmas.
My mum would allow us 3 kids one piece, then she’d hide the box and eat the entire thing herself when we were at school or in bed.
@Aliceinwonder1 your post reminded me of my mum’s secrecy and intemperance.

mathanxiety · 18/11/2023 06:49

She's only 6!
Of course she is still learning self control.

I'd take the opposite approach to what has been suggested here.

Set out a bowl of wrapped chocolates. Allow the children to help themselves.

You're setting her up for emotional eating by creating a distinction between 'ordinary food' and 'treats'. When she wants to feel special she lays into the 'treats', the special food. Hiding the chocolate will only reinforce this unhealthy distinction and increase her sense that the special stuff is scarce and must be gobbled when it is available. It will set her up for bingeing, and shame.

You need to substitute something else for the specialness she is craving. Time with you every week? An activity she loves? Cuddling on the couch and watching some movie she loves?

Kwasi · 18/11/2023 07:04

This is more than your daughter carrying extra weight. You are basically facilitating future health issues for your daughter so that your other kids can have treats at home. If she were diabetic, would you still keep treats in the house?

If you really can't deprive your older children of junk, you need to get a proper lock for your junk cupboard.