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Parenting

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Child cannot focus on school work

77 replies

herringboneparquet · 05/09/2023 14:40

DS who is 14 just cannot get started on any school work task. It is absolutely infuriating.

He will sit there for ages, staring at a blank page or out the window, looking up stuff on his ipad (can't take it away as he needs it for the work), getting something to eat or drink, playing with the cat etc.

I've tried being kind and asking if he needs help.

I've tried being really harsh and raising my voice and imposing punishments.

I've tried rewards.

Nothing helps.

For context, he is diagnosed ASD and is currently not attending the school building due to overwhelm and anxiety. This is work he has been sent home. He has no issue with the level of work, it's at his level. He cannot explain what it is that is stopping him. Once he gets started he can get a bit done but can't work for long.

He has been assessed for ADHD and they did not give a diagnosis.

Has anyone come across this before and do you have any tips on what I can do to help?

OP posts:
herringboneparquet · 05/09/2023 15:56

OvertakenByLego · 05/09/2023 15:48

What about home tuition, tuition online (either live or recorded lessons), or tuition somewhere else that is else overwhelming from a sensory PoV? Or even if work set, what about different subjects including whatever DS’s interest are. Does DS like gaming? If so, look at MindJam.

BTW tuition doesn’t have to be traditional academic tuition. It could be gaming, art, cooking, sports etc.

Edited

Yes he does like gaming, I'll look at that thanks.

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herringboneparquet · 05/09/2023 15:59

@HellonHeels Yes I think I will speak to his psychologist at CAMHS and ask what factors led them to believe he didn't have ADHD.
I did ask at the time and she said his behaviours can be explained by ASD.

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Needmorelego · 05/09/2023 16:00

@herringboneparquet I don't know what to advise because I was very much like this and am still very similar now at the grand old age of almost 50.
I never figured it out.
But as an adult and being more aware of these things I am pretty certain I have ADHD in some form or another.
I would push for a diagnosis definitely.
What sort of work is it - is it essays? I never figured out the whole "plan an essay" thing.
During lockdown my daughter had several workbooks and the style of "here are some facts, here is some questions, fill in the answers" I really enjoyed doing those (ironically she would give up and get bored and wander off - so I would carry on doing the work 😂). These were for a slightly younger age (12/13) and I don't know how the Scottish curriculum and style of work differs but would he find this style of work easier? Can his work be done that way?
Poor lad. I know what it's like to sit there staring into space and just not knowing where to start and get going.
Ignore that terrible "senco" upthread.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Ted27 · 05/09/2023 16:02

@Sidslaw

I'm glad my son had more understanding Sencos or he wouldn't be going to university next week

herringboneparquet · 05/09/2023 16:02

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 05/09/2023 15:55

Have you googled Task Paralysis? It could be that. Apparently it's common in those with ADHD.

Not googled but will do now!

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Wildhorses2244 · 05/09/2023 16:03

herringboneparquet · 05/09/2023 15:08

Not very

In which case it might be worth trying some adhd type lifestyle changes to see if that helps with focus.

Google would probably give you a better list than mine but you could try fish oil supplements; exercise every morning before starting work and after lunch; regular movement breaks; gameify tasks (Google for examples of how to do this); give deadlines he needs to work to (eg write one page before the timer goes off); work in short bursts. Sports which use central processing like martial arts or team games are great too. Reducing high-pace video games / YouTube etc is also anecdotally very effective with longer films (without skipping) still fine

CBT is also very effective for supporting young people with adhd - outcomes similar to the drugs for many people - so that might be worth a try if you can afford it.

herringboneparquet · 05/09/2023 16:05

Needmorelego · 05/09/2023 16:00

@herringboneparquet I don't know what to advise because I was very much like this and am still very similar now at the grand old age of almost 50.
I never figured it out.
But as an adult and being more aware of these things I am pretty certain I have ADHD in some form or another.
I would push for a diagnosis definitely.
What sort of work is it - is it essays? I never figured out the whole "plan an essay" thing.
During lockdown my daughter had several workbooks and the style of "here are some facts, here is some questions, fill in the answers" I really enjoyed doing those (ironically she would give up and get bored and wander off - so I would carry on doing the work 😂). These were for a slightly younger age (12/13) and I don't know how the Scottish curriculum and style of work differs but would he find this style of work easier? Can his work be done that way?
Poor lad. I know what it's like to sit there staring into space and just not knowing where to start and get going.
Ignore that terrible "senco" upthread.

I could almost understand if it were essay type questions but today it was maths. And it was very "easy" questions that he is capable of.

Thank you for your kind reply.

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herringboneparquet · 05/09/2023 16:07

@Wildhorses2244

These are amazing and exactly the type of suggestions I was looking for. Thank you so much.

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Wildhorses2244 · 05/09/2023 16:13

Hope he feels that at least some are helpful, and that they’re all things which you can try without diagnosis.

The other thing worth thinking about is caffeine. Some people with adhd feel like they can’t retain info until they’ve had a strong coffee, others find it makes them sleepy.

Maybe worth a second opinion on the diagnosis if they’re effective?

Needmorelego · 05/09/2023 16:15

@herringboneparquet it's so easy to get distracted when working at home. I was terrible for doing homework because as soon as I was at home my brain (and surroundings) were full of non school stuff.
Can he concentrate and/or get started on non school stuff ? As you can see from my user name I like Lego. Building a Lego set I can concentrate on plus I like those adult colouring books and things like that. Maybe he needs to do something non school work to practice concentration.

SusiePevensie · 05/09/2023 16:23

This thread is golden re: supporting autistic kids. The stuff about inference in particular. Sometimes really smart kids struggle for reasons that aren't obvious. https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/mumsnet_classics/4809096-i-am-an-autism-expert-ask-me-anything

I don't always agree with Naomi Fisher, but she has an interesting perspective here - it's not all over if you don't hit targets at exactly the right age. https://naomicfisher.substack.com/p/hope

I am an "autism expert". Ask me anything. | Mumsnet

Worked in autism assessment, diagnosis and intervention on the education side for 20+ years. Ask me anything. However, please note that I cannot pers...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/mumsnet_classics/4809096-i-am-an-autism-expert-ask-me-anything

TripleDaisySummer · 05/09/2023 16:24

Have you googled Task Paralysis? It could be that. Apparently it's common in those with ADHD.

Recognise this with my DC especially when trying to work at home - libraries are are often better in that sense for me and them. Also one teen works much better when someone is sat next to them working.

TinyTeacher · 05/09/2023 16:51

@Sidslaw I have never worked with a SENCO that would present advice in that way, either in my professional capacity or as a parent (eldest has ASD and ADHD). It is not constructive. I would be appalled if our SENCO spoke to a parent like that, an I suspect it wouldn't go down well with SLT.

Teenagers can, of course, be manipulative. If youbelieve that to be the case here then chunking activities and providing predictable structure to the day is still more likely to yield positive results than "just do it".

OP, are you in communication with his school? Is there a SENCO you can speak to? I don't really know the Scottish system, but you should be getting some support from them.

mathanxiety · 05/09/2023 17:00

He sounds anxious and overwhelmed.

Could his teachers assess him verbally instead of writing?

Could he dictate his thoughts to you and you could type or write?

Could you help him break down the questions and suggest what to put in first paragraph, second paragraph, etc, then conclusion? (Then he could dictate and you could type).

herringboneparquet · 05/09/2023 18:11

Needmorelego · 05/09/2023 16:15

@herringboneparquet it's so easy to get distracted when working at home. I was terrible for doing homework because as soon as I was at home my brain (and surroundings) were full of non school stuff.
Can he concentrate and/or get started on non school stuff ? As you can see from my user name I like Lego. Building a Lego set I can concentrate on plus I like those adult colouring books and things like that. Maybe he needs to do something non school work to practice concentration.

Verrry interesting as that was me too - excelled in school, couldn't do any homework or revision...

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herringboneparquet · 05/09/2023 18:11

Needmorelego · 05/09/2023 16:15

@herringboneparquet it's so easy to get distracted when working at home. I was terrible for doing homework because as soon as I was at home my brain (and surroundings) were full of non school stuff.
Can he concentrate and/or get started on non school stuff ? As you can see from my user name I like Lego. Building a Lego set I can concentrate on plus I like those adult colouring books and things like that. Maybe he needs to do something non school work to practice concentration.

Yes he can concentrate on non school stuff but it has to be his decision to start it iyswim?

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herringboneparquet · 05/09/2023 18:14

TinyTeacher · 05/09/2023 16:51

@Sidslaw I have never worked with a SENCO that would present advice in that way, either in my professional capacity or as a parent (eldest has ASD and ADHD). It is not constructive. I would be appalled if our SENCO spoke to a parent like that, an I suspect it wouldn't go down well with SLT.

Teenagers can, of course, be manipulative. If youbelieve that to be the case here then chunking activities and providing predictable structure to the day is still more likely to yield positive results than "just do it".

OP, are you in communication with his school? Is there a SENCO you can speak to? I don't really know the Scottish system, but you should be getting some support from them.

Thank you. No hes categorically not being manipulative - he is your classic "good" boy who likes to please others and adhere to rules.

School are being supportive but the work he is being given is being supplied with the support (hah) team at the local authority so there's not that much they can intervene with.

OP posts:
herringboneparquet · 05/09/2023 18:17

mathanxiety · 05/09/2023 17:00

He sounds anxious and overwhelmed.

Could his teachers assess him verbally instead of writing?

Could he dictate his thoughts to you and you could type or write?

Could you help him break down the questions and suggest what to put in first paragraph, second paragraph, etc, then conclusion? (Then he could dictate and you could type).

I have done this in the past with English but it's maths questions he is struggling with. I do try to break it into chunks so I will say do 10 questions then have a break, but it's the initial getting started that's a real problem for him. There is no way he would do it at all if I wasn't here guiding him, getting him to check emails, OneNote etc

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 05/09/2023 18:32

herringboneparquet · 05/09/2023 18:17

I have done this in the past with English but it's maths questions he is struggling with. I do try to break it into chunks so I will say do 10 questions then have a break, but it's the initial getting started that's a real problem for him. There is no way he would do it at all if I wasn't here guiding him, getting him to check emails, OneNote etc

You need much smaller 'chunks'.

Break down each question. Understand what is being asked. Decide the steps, do the first step, do the second, etc.

toofless · 05/09/2023 18:48

@herringboneparquet I sent you a PM. Also in sunny Scotland 🙂

Phineyj · 05/09/2023 18:55

Perhaps he has a PDA profile? (Google PANDA strategies). My DD does and homework is a nightmare!

Some ideas: take it out of the house to a library or cafe (Costa at a big supermarket is good as they don't generally care how many drinks you buy...) If the home aspect is the issue, it breaks that association.

Online learning? There's KingsInterhigh, but I don't know if any online providers do the Scottish syllabus (if that matters).

Is there anyone who could work with him other than you? DD was much better at doing work with a nanny we briefly employed. She won't do a thing with me because I'm associated with "home".

In the meantime will he play board games with you, cook recipes, read instructions?

MrsMerrick · 05/09/2023 20:19

For those people who are always able to choose to do something, this is a little glimpse into what it is like not to have that ability:

You are aware the task needs doing. You know you 'should' be able to do it, that it 'has' to be done. But as you approach it, it is like there is a sheet of glass between you and the task. You cannot reach it. You berate yourself. You still cannot get to it. You tell yourself that everyone else can do it, why can't you? You still can't reach it. You tell yourself that others are expecting you to do it. It doesn't help. The pressure pushes you further away from being able to do it, the sense of inadequacy, general crapness and incompetence pushes you further still, the self-loathing starts. I'm rubbish. I can't do anything. The task looms out of all proportion, growing larger and larger, distorting your day and sucking all enjoyment out of everything else. You still can't do it.

Restore perspective, reduce pressure, boost sense of competence

What else is your DS doing, apart from the school tasks? Ideally he would have time with you, time with friends and family, exercise, hobbies, time outside, sports, music, practical activities like cooking or making things, perhaps a group like Scouts - this helps put things into perspective so schoolwork doesn't dominate everything, it's just part of what happens, so it becomes less of a demand than if it is the main focus.

What is he good at, and how is this recognised and celebrated, both by himself and others?

Take the pressure off - turn 'demands' into 'options'. Here are some things which you could do: what would be most useful for you today? (This is REALLY useful for reluctant revisers, who get terrified/overwhelmed at a revision timetable - create a slot schedule and a separate list of tasks, choose tasks from the list as you get to the slots).

Rather than having a to-do list, have a ta-da! list: as you complete a task, write it on a list of accomplishments. This can provide a real boost and motivation to tackle more.

Getting started

Play 'task roulette' - I think I read about this on here. Write down a few tasks which need doing on index cards, pick one out at random, work on it for fifteen minutes.

If you don't want to do a whole task, don't! (Taking the pressure off...). Can you do 19 minutes? 12? 7? What is the smallest thing towards the task that you are currently able to do? Brilliant!

Schedule in time OFF, not time on. "At 11, we're going to..." That creates a natural time limit/end point for the task, which can make it less daunting.

Watch someone doing the thing on YouTube - there are lots of excellent maths videos. This shows your brain it is possible and primes you for doing the task.

Getting started and keeping going

Find a place which has enough stimulus to take the edge of the task. A silent, clear space can be inviting, or it can be almost unbearable because it becomes all about the task. A little noise or bustle can distract from this and allow you to get started. As Phineyj says, taking work out somewhere else can help, or have something undemanding on the radio or television in the background.

Body double - sit and work alongside, either on the same thing or a different thing. People chum up with others over the internet to do this.

Is there anyone like a friend or slightly younger neighbour/cousin he could work with or teach?

LIZS · 05/09/2023 20:29

10 questions is way too many for him to process, it needs to be one question at a time, broken down into stages. If they are word problems he needs to go through and underline the key words so he understands what is being asked before he starts, then takes it step by step. If you cannot help, he needs to see the learning mentor, if not at the centre, at home or virtually. Sending questions without offering support is nonsensical and counterproductive,

Funnyhahaha · 05/09/2023 21:43

Watching this thread with interest as DS is very similar. The idea of a walk pad is something I find useful as introducing that movement is something I think he’d find helpful.

herringboneparquet · 06/09/2023 15:17

Phineyj · 05/09/2023 18:55

Perhaps he has a PDA profile? (Google PANDA strategies). My DD does and homework is a nightmare!

Some ideas: take it out of the house to a library or cafe (Costa at a big supermarket is good as they don't generally care how many drinks you buy...) If the home aspect is the issue, it breaks that association.

Online learning? There's KingsInterhigh, but I don't know if any online providers do the Scottish syllabus (if that matters).

Is there anyone who could work with him other than you? DD was much better at doing work with a nanny we briefly employed. She won't do a thing with me because I'm associated with "home".

In the meantime will he play board games with you, cook recipes, read instructions?

Yes I've queried PDA but it's not been picked up on by anyone professional.

I looked at Kings Interhigh but it's waaaaay out of our budget unfortunately.

No-one else who can work with him, just me.

Some good ideas though, thank you. Will definitely look at taking things out of the house.

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