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Original poster

How do you navigate school events and involvement with abusive ex partner?

57 replies

Whattodo112222 · 01/09/2023 13:24

My daughter is due to start reception year next year. Her father only currently has supervised contact. I'm not really too sure what will happen in the future because of domestic abuse being made fact during proceedings..however at an earlier directions hearing I was forced to disclose the name of our daughters school to him.

I'm just trying to prepare myself for his presence at school events in the future.

Parents evening will be fine as we'll do those separately.

But things like assemblies and plays etc, how on earth do you navigate those when your ex is abusive and you are NC with him.

I'm thinking about DD and her reaction to not seeing us stand together and knowing we're both there and not being sure who to go to first.. I don't ever want her to feel bad but I also know I cannot bear to be near him. I took out a non molestation order on him when I left him which has since expired.

She lives with me full time but she does enjoy her supervised contact and seeing him..

Any tips on how to navigate would be really welcome.

Whatever the court outcome. I have made it explicable clear i won't have anything to do with him, or speak to him or do future handovers with him.

He caused me so much suffering I'm now in therapy

OP posts:
Fantina · 06/09/2023 10:50

Interesting. Something serious was in a recital (think attend rehab appointment) that my ex was meant to do between hearings and he just decided not to and the bench didn’t give a fuck.

Fantina · 06/09/2023 10:51

But also, OP, I made sure my behaviour was always beyond reproach. So if it’s in a recital, personally I’d follow it.

TickingKey46 · 09/09/2023 08:33

My ex has a no contact order but previously it was a supervised contact order.

Regardless of how terrified you are of your ex (I totally get that). Your child will feed off your emotional state. So know what you can and can not mentally manage. Arriving a bit later and stand at the back, allows you to leave if it all becomes too much. I've been at school plays where I've been at the front, my ex and his girlfriend stood at the back, I felt very very trapped in. On top of that my ex rushed down and my child was confused and upset.

After they event I always arrived a little later and stood at the back.

Only provide the courts with the school name. He is responsible for finding out, knowing about sports day etc etc. Your not his parent leave that to him. Don't give his any additional information, as a parent that's his responsibility.

What I would say is that things change, when you're in the middle of it all you think it remains that way for ever. It doesn't xx

Original poster
Whattodo112222 · 09/09/2023 09:29

TickingKey46 · 09/09/2023 08:33

My ex has a no contact order but previously it was a supervised contact order.

Regardless of how terrified you are of your ex (I totally get that). Your child will feed off your emotional state. So know what you can and can not mentally manage. Arriving a bit later and stand at the back, allows you to leave if it all becomes too much. I've been at school plays where I've been at the front, my ex and his girlfriend stood at the back, I felt very very trapped in. On top of that my ex rushed down and my child was confused and upset.

After they event I always arrived a little later and stood at the back.

Only provide the courts with the school name. He is responsible for finding out, knowing about sports day etc etc. Your not his parent leave that to him. Don't give his any additional information, as a parent that's his responsibility.

What I would say is that things change, when you're in the middle of it all you think it remains that way for ever. It doesn't xx

Thank you that's really helpful and reassuring.

Could I ask what led to the no contact order?..

OP posts:
SocialLite · 09/09/2023 10:36

Fantina · 06/09/2023 10:50

Interesting. Something serious was in a recital (think attend rehab appointment) that my ex was meant to do between hearings and he just decided not to and the bench didn’t give a fuck.

They can choose not to enforce things in the main order too, that's up to the court

TickingKey46 · 10/09/2023 10:27

I think it was several things tbh. I had very good evidence of abuse towards myself and my children. Counting what's app messages, police convictions, police reports and other people who gave evidence in court, counting an ex girlfriend. On top of that his own behaviour towards the professionals was really unhinged and abusive. We also had a cafcass guardian not a cafcass officer, they have different roles. The guardian was brilliant and really got what was going on. He showed no understanding of his behaviour so tbh there was nothing to work on.

Life's obviously a lot calmer now and the children are doing very well. But the out come is just damage limitation as they still miss him.

TickingKey46 · 10/09/2023 10:34

I think realistically these kind of court orders are always being broken by one parent of the other. The judge doesn't really care, they just want a resolution so it just gets glossed over after a little telling off.

I don't think any other real punishment realistically exists. If it's contempt of court I think it's the other party who can bring it to court and then it's a long drawn out process. As contempt of court is criminal not civil.

Civil court orders are a dispute between two parties so it's based on both parties keeping to it.

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