I don't like people holding my newborn for too long

[Hollyleanne]

We have recently had our first baby and I struggle to let people hold my baby girl for too long. I don't ask for her back because I feel like I'm being unreasonable, but I feel like I miss her when I haven't held her for upwards of half an hour. We're not having her christened but we've arranged a get together with our friends and family to celebrate her arrival. I'm already feeling anxious about everyone wanting to hold her all afternoon. I feel like she'll be passed from person to person and I won't be able to hold my baby. Is it normal to feel this way?

I think for some mums it is yes, sure.
Just say can I have her back for a bit please after every third person or something. I think most people understand.

Not abnormal at all, I felt exactly the same way. You’ll get flamed for it on here though. The “it’s not your baby it’s everyone’s baby to manhandle I was cool and didn’t care” crowd will arrive shortly.

Hi, you’re not alone, there are plenty of new parents who feel this way. It will get better with time and if you find it to overwhelming a good way to discourage people from asking is to wear baby in a sling and you can say no cuddles at that time as she’s sleeping, it will help limit the amount of passing the baby round. I did this for a while but slowly got better at feeling ok with sharing the baby snuggles ☺️

Also congratulations on your baby ☺️

Isn't this why you're not supposed to handle kittens too much?! It's totally normal. Every sinew of your body is attuned to that baby, and she's completely dependent on you. I'd just breast feed constantly or slightly lie and say she'll wake up if you move her etc etc. But also, do just say 'ah, I'll take her now then'.

And ignore all the people telling you everyone needs to hold the baby otherwise no one will love her. Total arse.

Remember these people care about you both op. Assuming you trust they have your best interests at heart they really are trying to forge a relationship with her not steal her! We have no family except dc. I would have loved to show off our dc but we are nc with family... Take the opportunity to have an actual hot cuppa!

I felt exactly like this with my first (second was in lockdown so didn’t have to deal with it!). It’s like a warm panic rising up from stomach, I still remember it well. I put it down to a touch of PNA, but in reality May have just been mothers instinct to want to hold, protect and bond with new baby. I would sit/stand with whoever has/wants baby: you pass the baby, let them hold for a few mins, then take baby back. And repeat. You’ll feel more in control than the baby being passed around as people please. Congrats! Xx

Congratulations.

This is tot normal and I was the same.

Re the gathering. A sling might be helpful her. Pop her on for naps and when you're feeling lost without her. People find it much harder to take them for a cuddle out of the sling I found!

I was going to suggest a sling.

Also, if people keep asking to hold her, you can always answer in a way that says no without seeming rude by assuming they are offering for your benefit 'oh thanks so much for offering, that's so kind of you, I think she is quite settled at the moment'
Or, 'thanks that's lovely but I'm just going to leave her in the sling for a bit, I think she's a little unsettled at the moment and you'd end up with a screaming baby!'

It's totally normal not to want to pass your new born around.

Welcome to motherhood lol!
It's normal, I felt exactly the same with all of my DC.

Congratulations!!!

It's a completely natural way to feel, and you shouldn't be suppressing it out of politeness. If you've had enough and you want your baby back in your arms, then gently but firmly take her back. The bond between you and her is the most important thing for both of you right now. You have this feeling for good reason!

I'm still the same with my 8 month old x

While I was totally happy with people holding my babies for however long, you aren't so after X amount of time just take baby back and say you want to check their nappy or say it's time for a feed or a nap or whatever if you feel you need to make an excuse.

I was like this but I always expressed my feelings and said can I have her back now? No hard feelings you carried a baby for 9 months then all of a sudden they're on the outside your body is right to crave them, knowing they're safe.

It’s completely normal, please don’t hesitate to ask (firmly if necessary) for your baby back.

Congratulations

Thanks for all the replies. It makes me feel better knowing most of you felt the same way. Reading through similar posts it sounds more common than I'd have thought for people to say no when you ask for your baby back! I'm not a confrontational person so the thought of someone saying no if I ask makes me feel a bit anxious.

@Trenchfootinthescottishhighlandstoday I hope it didn't come across like I don't trust my family and friends or like I think they'll steal my baby. I love showing her off and shouting to the rooftops that I grew this perfect girl. It's just a feeling I can't explain where I feel like I miss her if I haven't held her for a while.

I am the least cool person you can imagine but can remember the days before uber parenting became a thing and women wanted to be defined by more than being the best mother in the world.
Every time this topic comes up - which it often does - I just imagine the mum sitting wetly by, unable to think of what she could be doing instead of holding the baby. What would you have done 17 weeks ago? Do people really have so little imagination they don't jump at the chance of a few child-free minutes to themselves.
It always smacks of attention seeking to me, sorry

Totally natural op, i felt the same. I actually think it's a lovely sign of how well you've bonded with your baby. If you think of most other mammals, the babies stay with their mum 24/7 as newborns, they would never been passed to 'a friend' just for fun. It's unnatural really

Completely normal!

Totally normal

Not at all unusual. But she will be fine so try to relax . It’s one day.

Pop her in a sling during the gathering and say she's asleep 😂 I hated it when people wanted to hold my baby. Thankfully he would always cry when he was passed around so I had an excuse to take him back.

And you don’t need to ask to take her back when you want to. I remember DD1’s christening at 2 months and back at our house everyone held her and it was fine. But when she needed feeding I took her upstairs and we had that quiet time and could hear everyone downstairs and it was a really contented moment. She’ll be back in your arms soon enough.

As others have said, find a sling, one that's suited to newborns. It will stop the pass the parcel factor. I didn't mind some people holding my baby but there was a way of doing it, it was when people wouldn't give him back that I would get edgy. It's a primal instinct.