Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

Custody 16 month old

57 replies

Badseedmum · 30/08/2023 08:46

I am looking for some experience from anyone who has knowledge on custody arrangements for a 16 month old. Myself and my partner do not have a great relationship and looks like we will be splitting up. Nothing bad has happened and he is a fantastic father who always has our daughters best interest at heart and she has a strong attachment to him.

A typical custody arrangement of every 2nd weekend and one night a week would break his heart and I wouldn't want our DD going that long without seeing him. Can a 50/50 custody work? I want what is best for everyone but also the for my DD to still feel safe and secure.

We would need to move out our current place when we split (long story) and wonder if 2 new houses would be a lot of upheaval too for DD. But I know young children can be adaptable. Staying together isn't an option. Any advice would be grateful

OP posts:
BudgetBuster · 31/08/2023 18:07

Badseedmum · 31/08/2023 13:37

Thank you for the further posts, they have been really helpful to read and reassuring. I can appreciate people asking about relationship counselling but there is no love left, not on my part.

I should say as well I've suffered terribly from PND and PNA and I think the guilt I've had with that and how I have struggled with motherhood makes this worse too. This is not why I'm leaving my partner or why the relationship has failed, there have been problems for a number of years. I do wonder as well if split custody as well might make me a better, happier parent with regular breaks. I am not splitting up because I want away from my DD, far from it. I am just trying to find the positives with the situation.

The positive is that your daughter will grow up with two loving parents, and their family networks and potentially in the future larger blended families. Your daughter will grow up loved instead of feeding off an anxious vibe in a loveless home. Two happy parents seperate are always better than two sad parents together. Does your partner know how you feel?

Original poster
Badseedmum · 31/08/2023 21:36

Thank you that is so helpful. I also feel awful guilt about my DD not growing up in a family environment with no siblings (I know there is absolutely nothing wrong being an only child, it's just my own insecurities to work through) and part of me might be barking mad, completely delusional or away with the fairies but I think we could split up, my partner might have kids with someone else and I might meet someone who had kids and these things might add to my DDs life. It might seem mad to think this but its almost what keeps me going.

OP posts:
Laurdo · 31/08/2023 21:49

Badseedmum · 31/08/2023 21:36

Thank you that is so helpful. I also feel awful guilt about my DD not growing up in a family environment with no siblings (I know there is absolutely nothing wrong being an only child, it's just my own insecurities to work through) and part of me might be barking mad, completely delusional or away with the fairies but I think we could split up, my partner might have kids with someone else and I might meet someone who had kids and these things might add to my DDs life. It might seem mad to think this but its almost what keeps me going.

You might meet someone else and have another kid yourself. You never know what the future holds.

Less than 3 years ago I was a single childless woman. Now I'm a married stepmum of 3!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

1 year olds Families Family law General parenting
Original poster
Badseedmum · 31/08/2023 21:56

That's so kind of you to say but I'm 36 and honestly don't think I could face going through it all again! Your story has given me hope though!

OP posts:
BudgetBuster · 31/08/2023 22:00

Badseedmum · 31/08/2023 21:36

Thank you that is so helpful. I also feel awful guilt about my DD not growing up in a family environment with no siblings (I know there is absolutely nothing wrong being an only child, it's just my own insecurities to work through) and part of me might be barking mad, completely delusional or away with the fairies but I think we could split up, my partner might have kids with someone else and I might meet someone who had kids and these things might add to my DDs life. It might seem mad to think this but its almost what keeps me going.

I have a stepchild, and I'm currently pregnant! His mum just recently had a baby of her own with her husband. So my stepchild, whose parents split up the month he turned 2 will soon have 2 siblings, one at each home. I'm not going to lie, there were times when he was younger where he didn't want to leave one or other of his parents, but 5 mins into the car journey he forgot all about it and was happy out. He's now a very easy going 11 year old and has completely different rules at each house but has adapted. He can never remember his parents not being together. I've been in his life since he was 4 and he often asks me questions about when he was a baby forgetting that I haven't always been around.

Laurdo · 01/09/2023 07:05

BudgetBuster · 31/08/2023 22:00

I have a stepchild, and I'm currently pregnant! His mum just recently had a baby of her own with her husband. So my stepchild, whose parents split up the month he turned 2 will soon have 2 siblings, one at each home. I'm not going to lie, there were times when he was younger where he didn't want to leave one or other of his parents, but 5 mins into the car journey he forgot all about it and was happy out. He's now a very easy going 11 year old and has completely different rules at each house but has adapted. He can never remember his parents not being together. I've been in his life since he was 4 and he often asks me questions about when he was a baby forgetting that I haven't always been around.

Show quote history

My DSD does this as well. "Remember when I was a baby?" She'd just turned 3 when I met her so she can't remember me not being there.

I don't think any age is a good age to have your parents split but you hear so many stories of older kids longing for their parents to get back together and resenting their stepparent for being there because of that. Or missing their old house etc. You don't have that problem when they're too young to remember. It just becomes their way of life.

Original poster
Badseedmum · 01/09/2023 07:56

These are really positive stories thank you especially surrounding step children. I've seen a perfect 2 bed house, 10 mins from my DDs nursery that I could afford. I feel so burnt out with the emotional aspect of it all so plan to chat with my partner ASAP.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page