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Original poster

Really upset about the nursery

32 replies

Angeldelight21 · 29/08/2023 22:30

Hi everyone,
I don't know if I am overreacting or not but I am wondering what would you do in this situation.

My DD is 20 months old and started nursery 3 weeks ago. On the second week she came home with face scratched all over by some kid. Fine thing like this can happen.

Today she was beaten and scratched all over her face again with some bruises. Everybody was very apologetic but that's it. My always lively little girl was so down that I couldn't recognise her.

They also keep loosing her clothes and nobody cares and does anything about it.

What would you do? Complain at the nursery? Find a different nursery? Look for a childminder?

She is a very precious little girl and I want the best for her.

TIA

OP posts:
sunflowerandivy · 29/08/2023 22:40

My daughter often is hit or bitten but they reassure me about how they handled it. They intervene either before it's happened or after one hit / bite. However, you say your child was beaten which suggests a sustained attack where no-one intervened. Is that what happened? You also say bruises (plural) so was it the case she was beaten up? You said you didn't recognise your child, from bruises or just the fact she was withdrawn and unhappy? Basically you're the mother and if my daughter had been the victim of a sustained attack which caused her to change personality and have multiple bruises over her because she was beaten up as opposed to one random hit then I'd never send her back there.

moomoosaka · 29/08/2023 22:40

Do you label her clothes?

LollipopChaos · 29/08/2023 22:41

Is it the same child?

CheeseyOnionPie · 29/08/2023 22:47

Don’t take her back there. If she is always lively and came home withdrawn then something is wrong. The staff sound inattentive at best if even the kids clothes can’t be kept safe.

caban · 29/08/2023 22:50

Scratches and bruises on her face twice in 3 weeks is unbelievable. I've had three children go through nursery and never experienced anything like this.

I'd take her out immediately.

Original poster
Angeldelight21 · 29/08/2023 23:15

They gave me no information if it was the same child or not.

Apparently the kids were sitting down for lunch and my DD leaned on other kid's chair and that kid turned back, bit and scratched my daughter. You can still see the teeth marks on her face so many hours later. Apparently the nurse saw it but was not quick enough.

No. I haven't labeled her clothes so it is probaby my fault?

OP posts:
sillyuniforms · 29/08/2023 23:28

They won't tell you what child but if recurring then complain.
Clothes - label label label. They can't possibly remember whose item is whose

sillyuniforms · 29/08/2023 23:31

Advice going forward...
nurseries, schools, clubs etc ask parents to name clothes.
I run a very big club. If I find an item with a name in I'll make great efforts to return it. If it's an item with no name I really can't be bothered as it's got no name on it.., takes up too much of my (free) time

thaisweetchill · 29/08/2023 23:31

Jesus this is not normal I would be removing her immediately!

You have to label everything so I'm afraid then losing items is on you.

MrsSkylerWhite · 29/08/2023 23:33

caban · Today 22:50
Scratches and bruises on her face twice in 3 weeks is unbelievable. I've had three children go through nursery and never experienced anything like this.

I'd take her out immediately”

Absolutely this. Have never had this experience with children or grandchild.

sillyuniforms · 29/08/2023 23:45

Scratches we had from other kids sharp nails. Very occasionally. Bruising from another child - no

Gooseysgirl · 29/08/2023 23:50

I would be hugely concerned to be honest. Mine both attended nurseries at this age and never came home like this.

Mourningmorningsleep · 30/08/2023 06:23

Mine came home with scratches on face a few times, the nursery explained in detail what happened (new unnamed friend with sharp fingernails got a bit handsy on her face), explained what they were doing about it (teaching intense friend about boundaries, keeping extra close eye on the two together) and it stopped and got better. I felt ok about it as nursery knew what happened and had a plan to stop it, and they're usually very attentive. Bruising from another child is a bit much however. At 3 weeks in nursery they may be sad as still settling in, but it doesn't sound great.

Clothes - label them! That is not nursery's fault.

Sleepysaurus2 · 30/08/2023 06:42

I would definitely find another nursery. The bruising in particular seems a worry.

Mumof2littleguys1 · 30/08/2023 08:33

For the clothes, definitely label them. Though I'm surprised they didn't reiterate that to you in a welcome pack?

Yes children sometimes scratch other children but the bruising you're describing is not on. I'd be finding somewhere else.

AnIndianWoman · 30/08/2023 08:36

Send your child in the oldest and most boring clothes they have. I find they don’t get ‘lost’ (ie stolen) if they are stained and not designer.

Ladyj84 · 30/08/2023 08:38

Your supposed to label your kids clothes lol..but either way 3 little ones never onc contact me back from nursery in any of those states and if they did in such a short time that would be the end of that nursery for them

Overthebow · 30/08/2023 08:39

That’s not good. My dd has been I. Misery for a couple of years now and she’s been bitten twice that whole time. Never has she had bruises or more than a single scratch. I would be very unhappy with this and asking them what they plan to do to make sure it doesn’t happen again. If it’s one kid doing it then they need to take measures to stop it.

Overthebow · 30/08/2023 08:39

And yes you do need to label clothes, the staff won’t know whose is whose clothes.

Gymmum82 · 30/08/2023 08:44

Lost clothes is normal. Never send nice clothing to nursery and if you don’t label clothing you will never see it again. So label everything if you want it back.

Both my kids went to nursery. Had the odd scratch and bruise. Bitten a couple of times but never came back battered. If that had happened twice in 3 weeks I’d be questioning the setting

PurplePotatoMash · 30/08/2023 08:45

My little one has been in nursery for a year and never came home with any scratches, bruises or bites. Or lost anything. I’d move nursery. I’m so sorry for you and your child.

AnSolas · 30/08/2023 08:49

Angeldelight21 · 29/08/2023 23:15

They gave me no information if it was the same child or not.

Apparently the kids were sitting down for lunch and my DD leaned on other kid's chair and that kid turned back, bit and scratched my daughter. You can still see the teeth marks on her face so many hours later. Apparently the nurse saw it but was not quick enough.

No. I haven't labeled her clothes so it is probaby my fault?

IMO The other child is very unlikely to go from being a happy peaceful child to a biter overnight so the adults should have been managing the situation to prevent the bite from happening. So I would be worried at the overall level of supervision. Once you add in the change in your child its clear that this not a good fit for her anyway and would be looking for a different provider.

Clothing lables are your problem

Mavissdaviss · 13/11/2023 12:34

At 20 months I still wanted my child in a home style setting so used a childminder and have never had the issues you have.

bugaboo218 · 13/11/2023 13:01

Under 2's do bite and scratch because they are not fully verbal- it is linked to their age and stage of development.

However, that does not mean that any physical outburst is acceptable, especially if it was the same child.

you need to find out what the nursery staff in the room ( the ratio is 1:3) are doing are doing to prevent it and as far as they can stop an attack from happening again .
How they are dealing with it is important. Are the staff rewarding the biter by making a big deal of it?

So the biting is rewarded ( the biting child gets a lot of attention) are they modelling appropriate practice? Getting the biter to give something physical like a soft toy to the child that was injured? Sorry at this age is meaningless it is just an empty word!

i get you angry upset , but you appear to be blaming a young child, who has no idea about what they are doing and emotional regulation. Talk to staff.

you need label absolutely everything with your child's name for nursery. Inc socks, spares, shoes, hats, gloves and bottles.

BTW nursery staff are now known as Early Years Educators, so please do not insult them by calling them nursery nurses or nurses.

caban · 13/11/2023 13:06

bugaboo218 · 13/11/2023 13:01

Under 2's do bite and scratch because they are not fully verbal- it is linked to their age and stage of development.

However, that does not mean that any physical outburst is acceptable, especially if it was the same child.

you need to find out what the nursery staff in the room ( the ratio is 1:3) are doing are doing to prevent it and as far as they can stop an attack from happening again .
How they are dealing with it is important. Are the staff rewarding the biter by making a big deal of it?

So the biting is rewarded ( the biting child gets a lot of attention) are they modelling appropriate practice? Getting the biter to give something physical like a soft toy to the child that was injured? Sorry at this age is meaningless it is just an empty word!

i get you angry upset , but you appear to be blaming a young child, who has no idea about what they are doing and emotional regulation. Talk to staff.

you need label absolutely everything with your child's name for nursery. Inc socks, spares, shoes, hats, gloves and bottles.

BTW nursery staff are now known as Early Years Educators, so please do not insult them by calling them nursery nurses or nurses.

Don't be so silly Grin

The term nursery nurse is not insulting and is still used in lots of settings, probably more widely than 'early years educator' (which I've never heard used in a setting!).