Sleep training 5 month old

[Desperatemumpleasehelpme]

Yes. I know. Hear me out.

DS was an easy newborn and a fantastic sleeper until about 8 weeks ago. At one point he was sleeping through a full 9-10 hours. Then he suddenly started waking up a few times a night. No problem, obviously the 4 month regression I thought. DC1 was a colic/reflux/regression type baby so thought I knew the drill. But this didn’t end after a few weeks. In fact it’s got worse.

He will not go to sleep in the evenings. He screams and screams and screams for hours. I don’t mean an hour that feels like longer, I mean hours. Up to 3. Before he passes out, hyperventilating with exhaustion, into a light sleep, only to wake 90 minutes later. Rinse and repeat.

Feeding to sleep doesn’t work any more (EBF). Dark room/white noise doesn’t work. Earlier bedtime, later bedtime, shushing and rocking, letting him fall asleep on me, patting him in the cot, putting him over my shoulder and walking around the house. I’ve tried Infacol, teething powder and gel. Taking him for an hour long walk before bed in the pram in the vain hope the fresh air will settle him. He isn’t in pain, if I take him downstairs into a light room he’ll start smiling and acting normally although clearly very tired and becomes cranky 10 minutes later.

I am beyond exhausted, the screaming is like torture and I haven’t slept for longer than 2 hours in weeks. I get perhaps 3-4 broken hours a night.

The entire house is suffering. I’m snapping at DC1, too tired to do much so the house is a mess and we’re eating quick junk food. Every day is struggle. He whines and whinges all day and just screams. I’m at the end of my tether and worry I’ll just end up screaming at him to shut up because I can’t bear it any more. DH just came in after settling DC1 to find me curled up in a ball with my hands over my ears with DS screaming in the cot.

I honestly cannot go on like this.

If you sleep trained early what worked for you?

If he screams and screams for hours now; surely sleep training won't work?

He sounds really unhappy; and I'm not sure that I'd rule out pain just because he seems happier if you take him downstairs - it could be that he's distracted for ten minutes and that's why he's better then.

DH needs to step up here. Can he take DS out for a walk?

I do really, really feel for you. I've got a 20-month-old who doesn't sleep through yet and we seem to hopefully just be emerging from 5 weeks of not sleeping for more than 2 hours at a time... It's been HARD. But all his baby friends have been through it too; including the sleep-trained ones.

He's slept through before and he will again. Do whatever you have to do to get through this period until he does. Right now, that's likely to be leaning on DH tonight, and considering getting medical checks for him just incase.

No advice unfortunately but just wishing you all the best 💐

No you can’t sleep train a 5 month old. I think it’s cruel anyway but at 5 months…just awful.
It will pass, you know it passes. Cuddle him in the light downstairs if that works a bit. Give him a bottle maybe, try him on a dummy. Take it in turns with DH so you get sleep til midnight/1am then he brings you the baby. It will pass. It will! Good luck

I’d get him checked out medically definitely. I’m so sorry, this sounds really hard and awful. Can you get any other support from family?

I honestly don’t think you should sleep train for at least a month, sorry. And if he’s screaming like that while you’re holding him and doing all this stuff then I don’t see how any form of cry it out would help, tbh. And I’m saying this as someone who did do a variation of fade at 7 months.
I am sorry it sounds really tough.

I feel your pain. DS would start crying the moment he caught glimpse of his sleeping bag. To be honest we ended up reminding ourselves that babies should always sleep in same room as you until six months and it made us feel a bit better about not having a proper bedtime with him. He cuddled with us in the lounge until he was asleep and then we brought him to bed at the same time as us. He is now 10 months and although he doesn't sleep through, he's generally brilliant at bedtime. He practically asks to go through when he's tired. We didn't do any sleep training, it was just a phase.

‘It will pass’ is meaningless when you need sleep NOW. Meaningless

If DS was like that I would be very happy

I feel your pain. I have a 6 month old and the nights are hard. My DD is EBF and the only way she goes to sleep is to feed, she'll sleep on me but as soon as I put her in her cot her eyes pop open and the cries start, this process can go on for two hours sometimes before she finally sleeps.

We've ended up just letting her sleep on me downstairs for my sanity. From what you've said I'm not sure sleep training will help if he will cry for hours on end. Could you and partner take alternate nights or let Baby downstairs with you for a few months till he's a bit older

If he’s crying anyway, then why not sleep train? I think 4 months is the norm in America. But I can’t see how you’d do it if he’s already screaming for hours and sounds like you’ve tried everything?

Oh I would be MORE than happy for him to nap the evening away on one of us, we could do split shifts and get 4 hours each unbroken.

This wouldn’t happen. It doesn’t matter how we try to settle him, he screams. He won’t drop off on us to start with.

Sleep training won’t work if he’s screaming anyway?

Id try doctor first. Could you try getting him to sleep downstairs with you? They’re supposed to sleep in the same room as you for every sleep till 6 months anyway to reduce risk of SIDS? Does he start screaming when you start the bedtime routine or is it a set time no matter where you are?

Could you cosleep? I’ve always done whatever it takes to get me decent sleep there and then and I can deal with the rod I’ve made later on when they’re older. You need sleep now!

I feel for you OP, my DS was like this and it nearly sent me completely insane. It’s even putting me off having a second as I am worried to potentially go through it again. My DS would start about 3/4 in the afternoon and scream and scream and scream until midnight, like yours fall asleep and then start again a mere hour later. I had him checked over there was nothing medically they could find just put it down to colic/wind. Get him checked over to rule anything medical out but otherwise and I know I will get flamed for it, I did cry it out. I ensured he was fed, clean, did his bed time routine but I did do cry it out because I had exhausted everything else. Some people on here will say your cruel and make you feel like shit but it’s fucking hardcore torture on even the strongest people! Everyone has an opinion but end of the day you have to do what is best for your family. Xx

We did sleep training at just before 6 months old when we put them in their own room and bed. We used the shh pat gradual retreat and had a little crying first night then settled quickly second night (DS2) and third night (DS1). I was tearing my hair out as they would only sleep on or right next to me (coslept).

However I am not sure if it will work if they are screaming for hours regardless of what you do. Tbh I would contact health visitor/GP to try to rule out pain.

Also OP have you tried Calpol? If so how does he react?

I would definitely see a GP, it sounds like it could be an ear infection possibly.

Have you tried calpol or neurophen?

He sounds hungry or in pain

Sounds so tough. I am not anti sleep training at all but it doesn’t sound like it would work here if he’s capable of screaming solidly until 3am? Sleep training is primarily to remove sleep props to lead to falling asleep independently and linking sleep cycles - that’s not your issue here. What’s his mood like the rest of the day? What’s his day napping like?

This sounds horrendous OP. I would also try calpol 1 dose an hour before you try bedtime. Also another vote for the GP to rule out anything physical.
I totally get it, it feels endless and hopeless. Can you ask for a family member to take him for a night for you both to reset?

How are his naps during the day? Does he have a routine?

He sounds over tired to me which can cause a tricky cycle of a fussy baby, waking up very soon after going to sleep etc.

I'm sorry, it sounds awful for all of you.

I tried cry it out at around 5 1/2 months with one of my children. I was desperate. It took about a week in total. The first night was horrendous - I left the baby alone to cry for almost 2 hours. They then slept for an hour and woke up again. So I let them cry for another 4O mins or so until they fell asleep. They woke up in the morning completely happy. The next days were slightly better and after a week or so my baby slept through. My baby was going to sleep fine when I did the cry it out, but they would wake up at night and would be impossible to settle back to sleep. It would take hours. They would often cry even if I held them, cuddled them etc.. The usual staff people recommend - the baby sleeps on you and then you love it to the bed etc - just wouldn't work. If I was you, I would check with a doctor first to ensure nothing is wrong and then would try cry it out. All the best. Sleep deprivation is horrendous. No need to be a martyr and endure it forever.

Thanks everyone.

I doubt he’s hungry, we’ve started weaning (dr’s advice) and he’s taken to it well. He’s EBF and very chubby - he was 20lb when weighed last week. I don’t think he’s lacking in food.

Pain - I will take him to the GP for a once over. I haven’t tried calpol as it seemed wrong to give it to him with no actual reason. But I’ve tried all the teething/colic over the counter remedies. My maternal instincts tell me it isn’t pain, and DH agrees.

He wakes up in a happy, sunny mood each morning. Honestly he really is (underneath this, and before the regression) a really cheerful baby. If you smile at him he smiles back, no matter how tired or grouchy. He loves faces being pulled at him, or being chatted to - it’s basically the only time he’s happy.

Nap wise he screams solidly for about 20 minutes before each nap, but will then nap on me for about an hour, every 2-3 hours. So for example, he wakes 8am, first nap of the day is 10-11am, then 2-3pm. The screaming is getting longer though.

Yesterday he had a one off mammoth 2.5 hour nap in the late afternoon but still screamed and screamed when it was bedtime at 7. It’s like the clock turning 7pm is his cue to go from grouchy to perpetual scream mode.

I just had a long chat with DH (while walking DS around, he finally dropped off at 9.15 after over 2.5 hours of screaming) and we both have the feeling he’s overly sociable and gets FOMO. I know that sounds odd and not really something a baby could experience but it’s like he knows when the lights go out nobody will be interacting with him, and that’s all he really wants. Does that make sense?

Maybe try cutting the afternoon nap and seeing if it makes a difference? Good luck OP it is so hard when you could fall asleep standing x

If you’ve started weaning, could he be having a reaction to something?

You say FOMO… but separation anxiety would be totally possible (if not probable).

Is he actually crying continuously for the whole time? You say 20 minutes at nap time… where are you when he’s crying? What happens when you pick him up? Just trying to work out how you’d sleep train.

Honestly this sounds like my DD at that age.
From around 8 weeks she just screamed and screamed before every sleep (naps and bed)
Only respite was when entertained, in the bath or breastfeeding.
We finally got a diagnosis of CMPA at 9 months (she didn't show the typically symptoms or rash/bad nappies etc)
Might be worth exploring

Yeah same here @dirtyfries

CMPA diagnosis at 5.5 months after weeks of crying which ramped up dramatically at the end of the day.