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Parenting

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Original poster

Ex-dp has bought ds (3) a mobile phone, 'especially for keeping in touch with Dad'. Am I unreasonable to think this is a bad idea?

47 replies

Twoddle · 29/02/2008 18:00

Title says it all.

I take issue with it because:

It feels wrong - woolly, I know

I know parents with kids 10 years older who are trying to keep their kids from having them

Ds can't use it, so I have to do all the reading and writing of texts anyway - can't he just use my phone and keep it a 'grown-up' gadget?

How do we police, as he gets older, the fact that it's 'just for keeping in touch with Dad'?

What about if/when we come to have new families, with our own or step kids - won't they all want one?

Argh. I dunno. I have PMT so could be being hormonally unreasonable here - but it feels wrong, wrong, wrong ...

Ex-dp says I let ds use a computer so what's the big deal? So what is the big deal?!

Thoughts?

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nametaken · 29/02/2008 18:02

That's the silliest thing I've heard for a very very long time.

avenanap · 29/02/2008 18:03

Hmm, it won't be used to keep in touch with dad though, in a couple of years time his friends will be texting at all hours of the night. AND, there's no concrete scientific proof that they do not cause brain tumours.

colditz · 29/02/2008 18:04

Absurd. Take it away. Cite radiation on young brains.

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Cappuccino · 29/02/2008 18:13

he can use a landline

this is controlling imo

it is like my dad who bought me special clothes to wear on access visits so he could bypass my mother's influence altogether

if he needs his dad he can call him from a phone - your phone

why does he need a separate line he is not a character from 24 whose normal line can be traced ffs

does he have his own computer? which he can carry around on his person?

thought not

Cappuccino · 29/02/2008 18:13

he can use a landline

this is controlling imo

it is like my dad who bought me special clothes to wear on access visits so he could bypass my mother's influence altogether

if he needs his dad he can call him from a phone - your phone

why does he need a separate line he is not a character from 24 whose normal line can be traced ffs

does he have his own computer? which he can carry around on his person?

thought not

littleducks · 29/02/2008 18:38

Let him have it, dont tell him to be careful with it, the damn thing will be broken in a week or so, end of problem and maybe your ex will realise he is a child then and buy him toys from now on!

Original poster

Twoddle · 29/02/2008 18:40

Ah, I'm not going mad. Phew. Of course he doesn't have his own computer. He uses mine.

avenanap - precisely.

colditz - I get where you're coming from. I don't want to be seen as incendiary, though, nor antagonistic. We have joint parental responsibility. So do I have a right to take it away?

Thanks for replies.

OP posts:

Cappuccino · 29/02/2008 18:43

I think the whole thing is antagonistic

does he not think your son is allowed to use the phone?

is he accusing you of not letting him contact his dad?

if you have joint parental responsibility are you going to buy him one 'just to keep in touch with mum'

it's barking

Original poster

Twoddle · 29/02/2008 19:01

Yes, I think it is barking. littleducks, I love your idea!

When I say we have joint parental responsibility, I mean in legal terms. Ds lives with me. And of course he's allowed to use the phone and speak to his dad!

Sigh.

I think ex-dp bought it because he genuinely thinks it's a good idea - a novelty way for him to keep in touch with ds. [eye rolling emoticon]

I'll leave it in the toy box ...

OP posts:

pedilia · 29/02/2008 19:05

My XP did exactlty the same for DS, what p**d me off is that he did not even discuss it with me 1st.
DS bought it back with him,so I switched it off and put it away, on his next visit I sent it back, he got the message!

colditz · 29/02/2008 19:35

Let him have it, yes. Let him deal with it totally as he wishes.

PortAndLemon · 29/02/2008 19:40

You don't need to take it away. If my three-year-old had a mobile phone for a few days it would be broken very quickly, I suspect. And even if not the battery would run down (no reason you have to take responsibility for keeping the dratted thing charged).

hecate · 29/02/2008 19:43

He's 3. It's a stupid idea. Oh well. No doubt it will be used as a hammer, sat on, dropped down the loo and covered in chocolate within the week, so the problem will solve itself.

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 29/02/2008 19:44

Just read the title and it is wrong.

A 3 year old does not need a mobile!

shelleylou · 29/02/2008 21:21

I know 12 year olds that break mobiles in a matter of weeks. Its stupid to give 1 to a 3 year old, they arent going to have the concept of how to use it. If he wants to speak to his dad phone fromn your phone and send the mobile back. I would be furious if ex p brought ds one. As other posters have said theres no scientific evidence that it wont harm your ds brain. Even though he has joit PR major issues in childs life have to be disscussed with each other including health

mumofhelen · 29/02/2008 22:02

You are reasonable. 3 year old should not have mobile phones.

The big deal is that there is a question mark over the safety of mobile phones, especially on growing organisms, as the radiation effects mitosis (cell division). If you google, you'll get more on the theory. The other big deal include theft, having the wherewithall to look after the mobile phone and being able to use it, and of course, who is going to pay the phone bill - especialy if it gets into the 'wrong hands'. I can just see an older sibling saying to the 3 year old, "can I just borrow your phone for just 1 minute" and 1 hour later they are still on the phone and texting. Some older siblings also have different definitions of "borrowing".

Dad can use the landline phone can't he? And he's free to phone between 7am and 8pm is he not? So ask HIM, what's the big deal?

givemehope · 29/02/2008 22:10

Ridiculous. Either your XP has no awareness of what is appropriate for a three yr old or he's done this to wind you up. Worrying either way but I agree with above posts - let DS have it for the next few days until it breaks/runs out of batteries and he loses interest.

yelnats · 29/02/2008 22:14

WTF - a 3 year old with a mobile phone is ridiculous. Surely he wont have it long enough to 'keep in touch with dad' will def get broken.

Original poster

Twoddle · 04/03/2008 23:21

Thanks for posts, ladies.

OK, developments: ex-dp sent a text to ds's mobile today (sounds ridiculous just writing it - he's THREE!) and then texted me to ask me to help him access it and read it. I read the text to ds, and then replied to ex-dp saying I was unhappy about encouraging ds to use a mobile: he uses my laptop but doesn't have his own; uses the household telly but doesn't have his own - and this is how I think it should be in relation to having his own mobile.

I stressed that ds is welcome to send messages to Dad "through" me on my phone any time he likes, and that ex-dp is at liberty to text/call on my mobile and landline.

Ex-dp has texted back thus: "It was lovely to think I could send him a message personally. Please don't impose your negative views about it on him. It's really important to me and I'd be grateful if you would just go with it."

The problem with me "just going with it" is that I absolutely do not believe it is right, and I would be facilitating something I disagree with - and don't even know to be safe. That isn't bloody fair, is it?!

So what can I do? Although ex-dp has moved out and is on his second skiing holiday in a month , we do - believe it or not - have joint parental responsibility, so I don't have a right to simply not co-operate, do I? Don't we have to reach a compromise? Or, as ds's primary carer, can I not co-operate on the basis that I do not believe it to be in ds's best interests?

Argh. Seems so flipping petty, but there we go - has to be dealt with. Sigh.

Thanks for any thoughts.

OP posts:

AitchTwoOh · 04/03/2008 23:27

can't you just let the battery run down? it's hardly a personal message if you have to read it to him, is it? bonkers.

fingerwoman · 04/03/2008 23:30

am going to go against the tide here and say I don't thin it's a problem.
In fact, I think it's quite sweet. and I think my 3 yr old would LOVE something like that- a special way of keeping in touch with daddy, that is HIS.

don't get me wrong, I can totally understand all the negative points that yourself, and others have brought up on the thread. But I still think it's quite sweet, of your ex to think of it, and for your ds. I know he is too little to use it himself- but it isn't doing any harm right now is it?
maybe you could keep it for texts only rather than long radiating phone calls etc?

AitchTwoOh · 04/03/2008 23:34

i thought that the phone shops were told not to sell phones to under 16s, because of the developing brains? i saw a news report about it on telly. (9 out of 10 of the shops tested did sell them to the parent of the under-16, but they were breaking industry guidelines).

Original poster

Twoddle · 05/03/2008 00:08

AitchTwoOh - exactly. A personal message - opened by me, and read by me ... which is exactly what I'd do if it came through on my phone. [rolls eyes]

I could let the battery run down. Ex-dp has left me with the charger though so questions would be asked as to why it hadn't been charged.

Really interesting regarding phone shop guidelines - I didn't know that. Thanks, ATO.

fingerwoman - I understand what you are saying from. For me, the issue is that while it may be a bit of light fun for ds now, at 3, it'll become something he'll want to actively use himself within the next few years, and IMO that would be way too young to be using a mobile. So would it then be OK to take it off him, or heavily police it? I don't fancy that. Hmm.

Thanks for thoughts.

OP posts:

readytopop · 05/03/2008 00:20

let him have it

and break it

small concern- if he rang 999, as my ds has done once. I got such a bollocking from the operator, and that was the landline ds had used.

You could cite as the reason for taking it away

susiecutiemincepies · 05/03/2008 00:20

it is utterly ridiculous.

YOU have to read the bloody messages, YOU have to reply, so, how is it something personal to him from his daddy? you are not imposing your negative views on him, you are voicing your justified concerns regarding his health, and the ridiculous nature of such contact.

When he is older and able to
a) work the phone
b) read the messages
c) reply to the messages

then yes, maybe it should be considered. Until such time, it is a ludicrous waste of money that is quite possibly putting your sons health at risk, but hey, why not 'run with that'

sorry, not meaning to be harsh towards you, but, its just the kind of thing i could imagine my 'D' H doing, and since we are having a particularly shit time just now, it may well be something I do have to face. Luckily my DD is only 1, so she can barely hold a mobile phone just now!

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