3 year old and 7 week old - how to manage?

[Glassofsquashoverthere]

Just that really. I feel a bit pathetic even saying that out loud, but what the hell are you supposed to do? I've got a big, boisterous, energetic 3 year old, and a 7 week old that doesn't really do daytime sleep in chunks, just a few short naps on the boob after a feed. Baby will very occasionally sleep in the sling, absolutely zero chance in the pram (although he's a great sleeper at night).

Just finding it so hard to get out as baby wants frequent feeding, and toddler wants long and exhausting days outside. When we have been out it's been no fun for anyone as the baby just screams and cries, and toddler gets frustrated that I'm distracted.

I should add that baby is well and healthy, gaining weight etc. 3 year old is high needs, assessed for ASD and ADHD on advice of his nursery but did not meet the criteria.

Not sure what I'm asking...any tips? When does it get easier? Should I just let the baby cry a d get out anyway?
Currently feeling like the world's most incompetent mother!

Do you have a car? Playground picnics are your friend - fenced in so DS can run riot, and get a really decent comfy picnic chair and a parasol for you, so you can sit and bf newborn.

I found softplay on the bus quite a good "day out" with that age gap.

Wore baby in a sling, BFed at the softplay cafe where a few other mums were doing the same.

3yo ran round like a lunatic bouncing off the walls (literally) and then was wowed by the top deck of the bus on the way home.

Pack plenty of drinks and snacks for the 3yo and yourself!

Best of luck, 2 years on and they're entertaining each other now as I type...

From memory (it was over a decade ago for me) you just have to keep everyone alive until it passes. Anything else is a bonus and a sign that you are matriarch goddess.

Congratulations on the new baby! You’re not incompetent at all, it’s so so hard. I just went for lots of walks with the pram, 3 year old on his bike. I bought a few new toys to bring out during the really hard times. And just exhausted myself playing whilst feeding etc.

Thanks everyone for the advice, keeping people alive is what I'm aiming for! I e never heard of soft play on a bus, but that sounds incredible, need to look in to that! Playground picnics also a good idea. I just wish baby would treat the pram ad a comfy bed rather than a device invented especially to torment him!

Are you me? Identical situation. Pathetic I know but I don’t have them alone. I can’t keep my 3 yo safe or occupied enough. His tank is an infinite size that was close to impossible to fill when it was just him, let alone with the additional of a newborn. He demand adult attention constantly and his tantrums are epic if he doesn’t get it. Won’t just run around entertaining himself at soft play or anything like that. I’ve upped his nursery time and I have MIL over on the day I have him at home. Only way I cope.

I told myself so many times when I was pregnant that this baby was going to just have to fit into my life, but somehow here I am wondering how to get as far as the shop. Just hoping as breastfeeding becomes more established the spaces between feeds might lengthen and baby might be more content.

This was my exact age group in first lockdown, no nursery, no cafes, no playground, no softplay, no playdates, no grandparents.

We survived that and you will too. Baby mainly existed in the sling tbh while we got outside in the garden, sandpit, walks to see the local horses, playing in the woods.
Play with chalks and make an obstacle
course on the street, etc etc. he hardly ever went in the pram, there was nowhere to go in it anyway

and a little bit of TV time for your sanity is not the end of the world

They meant travelling to a normal soft play on a bus. ;)

Feeding in the sling really helped me. It meant I could literally go through soft play with my toddler whilst breastfeeding.

Do you know any other mothers with kids the same age? You can take turns to do playdates, it's at least more possible to make a cup of tea and the older kids are entertained by each other for a bit.

I used to go to stay and play groups in church halls - toddler runs around, you sit with baby.

Something like a trampoline you can use in the garden might be good for working off energy too. Or an obstacle course - DD used to play a lot with a plank balanced on two blocks, she could pretend to be an acrobat etc, or use it as a stage for toys, run cars along it, make it into a ramp...

Mine were that age in lockdown too and I used to have something up my sleeve for if I was desperate, mainly by looking on pinterest etc - playing with noodles, toy frozen in an ice block, play with shaving foam etc. Tuff tray outside with something to keep older one busy while you feed.

It got easier progressively, at 18 months youngest was more robust and could engage with older one, at two they could just about play, it's just about got where I'm not having to watch them constantly now youngest is 4.

We also got a disco light for £10 and used that a lot in lockdown to burn off energy - close curtains, stick some kids music on, baby is distracted by the lights and you and toddler can boogie - resets the mood and uses up some energy.

Feeding in the sling helped, then if your lucky baby will fall asleep at boob and contact nap for a bit longer then they would if you put them down. Then your relatively free to follow toddler round the playground cementing on how good their climbing is and what an interesting leaf they found. It's not quite the same as being able to physically play with then, but they still get your focus on them, which is what toddlers really want.

It does get easier. I’ve got a very energetic 3 year old and a six month old and have only just in the last week managed to face taking both with me to a shop! I’ve found going for walks or the park with baby in a sling and for the three year old to burn off energy helps. I feel your pain though as dd also hated the pram but it’s easier now she’s in a pushchair, still won’t really nap in it though. As pp says soft play is a good shout and just count yourself as doing well if they’re both alive, fed and put to bed by the end of the day 🤣.

Honestly though the first three months are the hardest. It gets a lot easier from about four months.

Thank you everyone for being so kind, I was prepared to be told to just do better!

No one thinks a baby and toddler combo is easy! They both require constant monitoring and attention and their needs are incompatible and it's all 24/7. It's insane!

Take a minute every now and then to realise how you're not only keeping alive but shaping and nurturing two entire new people. It's absolutely astonishing! It is hard but day by day, you're getting closer to the point where they'll be able to make you a cup of tea ;)

I also found a double pram was a godsend - toddler would often refuse to walk, or throw tantrums that were hard to manage with baby in sling or pram. And sometimes they'd both nod off.

Watching this thread as I have a 3 week old and a 17 month old and feel like I'm falling drastically!

We had this age gap too. DD2 pretty much went everywhere in sling. I basically prioritised doing stuff with DD1 in those first few months, so DD2 just came along everywhere and we just did stuff to entertain DD1: soft play, park trips, forest school, story sessions at library, church play group, etc. DD2 mostly slept or fed.

so many good suggestions here! I had a newborn and 2.5 yo and basically just went places for the toddler and the baby would be in the sling. Soft play, fenced parks, down the road for a walk, garden (a lot). Also few new toys, stuff like water play indoors if not going out (just a baking tray of water set on a towel). Also had a disco light which worked amazingly for both, toddler lover jumping around to it and baby would watch for ages. Got one after noticing the baby watching one intently at soft play once!

This is the stage when I joined LOADS of playgroups - mostly very cheap church / community ones. I built a timetable up which was on the fridge

Keep working on the sling too - I graduated from stretchy newborn sling to full woven wraps and carriers. It was an investment mostly in time as I bought nearly all the wraps 2nd hand but it was well worth it as I'd just strap her on and then crack on with our day.

2 days a week at nursery (thank you childcare vouchers!) was also a necessary luxury.

Loving the idea of a disco light!

I wish baby was more content in the sling, but unless he's dozy/sleeping g (which is rare) he just screams and tries to lunge out.

I have a 15 month age gap. I think you need to go easier on yourself. Having a baby and a toddler is hard. My DC2 was born during covid, and I was ECV, so I had to get creative as i was told to isolate. My DC2 only saw people from the window until 1. We did lots of messy play. Think mini diggers and rice crispys. Edible mud and farm animals. Lots of crafts. We also got millisa and doug reusable stickers. When we went out, I'd put the baby in the baby carrier, and off we would go. To entertain DC1, we would do treasure hunts like find a twig, fing a flower. Find a stone. Is DC1 going to the nursery in September? That comes with it's own issue because you need to get everyone out of the house but DC1 will have stimulation during the day.

Do you have a sling library nearby, or if not that, possibly a couple of friends who would let you try theirs briefly? Baby may do better with a different type of sling. Neither of mine were a fan of the stretchy wraps unless sleepy, but both were fine in an Ergobaby one. For them, I'm fairly sure it was a serious case of nosiness – the Ergobaby supported their head, but still let them turn it and look around. They both had similar problems with the carrycot unless sleepy, although DD1 was a little more willing than DD2 to be convinced that now was a suitable time for a nap.

My twins also assumed I was torturing them when I put them in their pram but I didn’t have much of a choice and they ended up conceding, so I’d recommend just ploughing on, your baby will get used to it. Quickly I hope 🤞