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Original poster

Should I send my autistic son to nursery?

39 replies

Listen2YourMother · 18/08/2023 14:06

Hi, just looking for some advice as I’m in a pickle.

My son is 2.5 years, he’s on the spectrum, just waiting for a formal diagnosis. I’m entitled to 15 free hours for him and planned to start taking him to nursery in September.
Thing is, there’s a few reasons I’m questioning whether it’s the right thing for our family right now. My main concern is obviously if he will cope with the noise, sound and change. He’s has regular meltdowns daily as it so I’m worried they’ll worsen. Also germs, I have a 7 month old daughter and my health isn’t great right now, I’m immunocompromised so it’s stressful to think about all the bugs he will bring back. I guess I’m just saying, my son appears happy in his predicable bubble and he has little friends although he’s not interested in them, I do make an effort for him to go to see them. I feel bad dropping him off there because there’s no reason I can’t take care of him, I’m home anyway and also he’s non verbal so he doesn’t speak or understand I’m going to be picking him up.

what would you do?

OP posts:
Ballcactus · 18/08/2023 14:07

For me, and I’m conflicted by it daily, I am sending my autistic son (3) to nursery to support the transition from school and for evidence for an EHCP. It’s so hard to get them, I need support

Original poster
Listen2YourMother · 18/08/2023 14:08

I was thinking of holding back until he’s 3 but I’m not sure if I should wait or not @Ballcactus

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 18/08/2023 14:10

I would keep him in and push for the nursery to start the ball rolling on applying for an EHCP, it will be useful for an Educational Psychologist to assess him in the nursery setting.
If he has an IEP with the nursery you can ask to be present for the reviews as well which can help track his progress on short and long term goals.

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Ballcactus · 18/08/2023 14:10

That’s upto you, he’s with a childminder now but he’ll be starting nursery in Jan when we get his funded hours

Rob3bob · 18/08/2023 14:11

I sent mine and it’s the best thing I did. The first term was rocky, she’d be falling asleep part way through the day from the exhaustion of navigating the environment, plus she started setting herself as she didn’t feel confident asking to go to the loo. The second term she had a development leap and coped really well.

As your LO has a lot of difficulties I’d be tempted to send him to see how he copes then you can access if he needs to attend a specialist school. Do you get DLA? If you get middle rate care or above he’d be eligible for 30 free hours

cupan · 18/08/2023 14:12

I think you need to look at whether or not the nursery will be able to meet his needs, support him through his meltdowns and truly include him rather than just tolerate/manage him because they have to. Is he talking?

OnToTheNextOneOntoTheNextOne · 18/08/2023 14:15

If you don't need the childcare I'd hold off till 3. Will the setting be providing 1-1 care?

You can apply for an EHCP yourself via LA, you don't need the setting to do it for you. Find your local SENDIAS and ask for advice on local process and how to gather evidence.

bunhead1979 · 18/08/2023 14:19

My kids are autistic teens now and i regret sending them to nursery and school, they struggled and it made them miserable. I should have trusted my instincts and done things differently, but i didn’t know any better and everyone else said it was for the best to send them, plus i was exhausted.

If you don’t need to send him, then I wouldn’t.

Howtohideasausage · 18/08/2023 14:25

I did with my son. It was very tricky at first I won’t lie, but they really helped build him a programme of support and the SENCO was amazing helping to secure him an EHCP before he started school.

dahliadazed · 18/08/2023 14:39

If you are happy to have him at home then keep him at home for a few months.

Autieangel · 18/08/2023 14:55

You don't have to take the 15 hour. A good senco will gather evidence for ehcp/support transition and it could be a positive experience. But equally with a crap nursery it could set him back.

If he's relatively happy and settled and you don't need him to go I'd wait until he is 3.

AuntMarch · 18/08/2023 16:11

It depends on so many things, but ultimately whether the nursery can meet his needs. I think it would be worth meeting them and discussing it.

I work in a nursery room of 2-4 year olds and we usually have at least two children with additional needs, but if we are not able to claim extra funding we can't give them one to one support as we are barely able to pay wages as it is. Larger settings may already employ "extra" staff for these reasons though, we definitely would if we could.

Original poster
Listen2YourMother · 18/08/2023 16:37

@AuntMarch its a nursery in a school does that make a difference? I’m due to have a meeting with them early September so I think I’ll see what they say then but I’m leaning more towards not wanting to take him

OP posts:
bryceQ · 18/08/2023 16:40

My son was diagnosed at 2, I chose to send him when he was 3.5 to a preschool but we selected it very carefully and had an ehcp (this took 6 months to get). He started only doing 20 mins and has worked up to 3 hours. It's still hard for him a year on. I have no regrets about not sending him earlier despite local authority pressure, it wouldn't have been right for him. It's still not an environment that he loves. He needs a lot of adaptations.

It's a tough decision.

cestlavielife · 18/08/2023 16:51

Send him
Nursery is structured time for this time for that
Their assessments will help
Ds went to mainstream nursery they were great he settlled in well then he went to specialist schools

Original poster
Listen2YourMother · 18/08/2023 16:51

@bryceQ my son isn’t officially diagnosed yet but I’m worried they won’t diagnose unless he’s started nursery. Did that hold your diagnosis back? They keep pushing me and pressuring me to put him in nursery.

how do I set up a ehcp?

OP posts:
hiredandsqueak · 18/08/2023 16:59

I have two autistic children son dx at 2 and a half and daughter week of her second birthday. I didn't send them into nursery and school untilas late as possible so they went to school nursery part time for one term they then started reception the term after their fifth birthday. It was right for them and me. I did take them to playgroup once a week before school nursery as well. Have you made a EHC needs assessment request? That was the main reason I didn't want mine in early as I wanted to ensure that they started with support in place.

YouCantBeSadHoldingACupcake · 18/08/2023 17:01

Definitely send him, apply for dla, if you are successful the nursery can apply for extra funding to support him- for us it meant dd and ds had full time one to one in preschool. It also gives longer to get evidence for an Ehcp to be in place before he starts school- my dds was turned down as she wasn't in preschool long enough to gather evidence that she needed it. Ds was in from 2.5 and his Ehcp went through first time.

bryceQ · 18/08/2023 17:02

Btw local authority said we shouldn't apply for ehcp. We ignored them and said we aren't sending him without it, this isnt a "wait for him to fail" scenario we want him to have the best support level. So take with a pinch of salt what they say. I know for a fact it isn't always in child's best interests

bryceQ · 18/08/2023 17:04

We had the diagnosis before he went, we pushed really hard for everything.

You can contact your early years support team if you look on your local authority sen page they should have details to apply for ehcp. If you don't have a a lot of professional input you might struggle though. Who has been helping with your son so far?

Original poster
Listen2YourMother · 18/08/2023 17:10

@bryceQ the health visitors and Malachi who is a support service in our area. He’s got a key worker through them which i asked for. He’s had a SOGS assessment and scored around 8 months for his speech and social skills. I’m basically waiting for a paeds appointment sometime between now and Christmas. I’ve been told 2 different things. Some professionals have told me there’s enough to diagnose at first appointment and some have said I’ll have to have an autism assessment. Did you get your little one diagnosed first appointment? It seems different in every area

OP posts:
queenofthewild · 18/08/2023 17:26

Do you have a maintained nursery school near you? They employ specialist SENDCOs and can really help to support children who are neurodiverse. If you have a portage worker they may be able to help you find the most suitable setting.

queenofthewild · 18/08/2023 17:28

Sorry. I see your nursery is in a school. The SENDCO should absolutely support you and your little one.

School nurseries also often forge links with specialist settings and can work alongside them to put strategies in place.

WooYa · 18/08/2023 17:42

As a parent of a DS with autism and a nursery manager, I would try him in a nursery. Like PP have said, you don't need to send him for the whole 15 hours. DS was only in for a hour a day until he settled then he thrived. Obviously this is different for all children but you could try. He will get loads of support in a nursery and they are great at signposting to other support for you and your son x

bryceQ · 18/08/2023 17:58

Ahh I think you will need him to be in nursery before ehcp then as you might not have enough evidence at this stage.

We had OT, SLT, psychologists and 2 autism assessments (don't ask!)

Do you have portage in your area? Have you heard of this?