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Parenting

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Original poster

2 weeks and 6 days I cant handle being a mum help.

50 replies

loopielou · 28/02/2008 22:21

I have gave birth to a beautiful son a couple of weeks ago and I feel like I cant cope anymore. For the past few days all he has done is cry unless I am walking him in his pram or my hubby has him in the car. Midwifes that came out said as long as he is feeding there is nothing to worry about. The health visitor was due out today but never turned up.
im not sure what to do to stop him crying he just wants to be held all the time. any advice!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

nametaken · 28/02/2008 22:23

How is he right now?

Orinoco · 28/02/2008 22:24

Message withdrawn

Original poster

loopielou · 28/02/2008 22:25

Asleep!! His dad has just held him for an hour and he finally fell asleep. I have just put him in his cot so he will no doubt wake up soon.

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Original poster

loopielou · 28/02/2008 22:27

He just seems to hate being in a different room from us. Also as soon as he is put down he screams. I dont think im helping him by getting so worked up by it

OP posts:

Orinoco · 28/02/2008 22:29

Message withdrawn

CantSleepWontSleep · 28/02/2008 22:30

Hold him all the time!

Sorry - prob sounds flippant, but I've been there, so do understand how horrible it can be.

Second the cranial osteopathy recommendation - it can work wonders.

How are you feeding him - breast or bottle? My dd turned out to be milk intolerant, which was the cause of most of her round the clock screaming (for over 15 weeks). I was/am breastfeeding, so gave up all dairy in my diet, and voila, a much happier baby.

queenofthedumbquestion · 28/02/2008 22:31

Nobody ever ever ever tells you it'll be like this, but, having posted esactly the same as you before, it is so common. They cry their little hearts out, they don't sleep, and it is just exhausting. DS was bloody awful - if I could, I've have shoved him back in. He cried constantly unless he was in the car. He would only sleep curled up on my chest. His cries were so loud and desperate, the neighbours kept making funny (ho ho ho) comments. But it does get better, slowly. The things we found really useful were the sling, which meant I could at least get out easily, and a baby swing, which provided me enough time to shower and eat. But keep your chin up, relax when you can, and remember that it's a sign of his confident personality that he'll make sure he gets what he wants!

moondog · 28/02/2008 22:31

Ah loopie,it's so hard when you have a new baby and don't for a minute thing that what you are feeling is abnormal. Anyone who has had a baby has felt like this.

Your role is to rest as much as possible and delegate as much of the chores as you can to others. Do you have family and friends who can take him for a walk while you get a nap or do your shopping for you?

CantSleepWontSleep · 28/02/2008 22:31

Oh, and try swaddling when you are putting him to sleep - also a big help here, even though she seemed to struggle against it.

Jojay · 28/02/2008 22:31

Oh poor you - it can be grim can't it?

You may not be able to change his behaviour immediately but you can find ways to cope with it.

Can you get a sling, so you can carry him but have your hands free?

Can someone help you by having for a couple of hours every now and again so you get a break?

My main advice would be to try and get out of the house every day, even just for a walk and some air - you'll go stir crazy stuck at home with a yelling baby.

Dummies can work wonders, but go easy on them if you're breast feeding, for a short while longer until bfing is properly established.

If he seems really miserable, speak to a HV / GP / paed / other professional to rule out something physical. Ans get professional help if it really starts to get you down too.

Best of luck - this stage doesn't last forever I promise, though it feels like it sometimes!

Original poster

loopielou · 28/02/2008 22:33

I was afraid that if I put him in a sling he may get used to me being there all the time and still not settle without me?

Will give the cranial osteoathy a go.

I breast fed for 3 days until he wouldn't latch on to me anymore and thats when baby blues kicked in. So now he takes 3-4oz every 3-3 1/2 hours. He weighs just under 7lb.

OP posts:

shabster · 28/02/2008 22:34

oh lou - been there and done that - its bloody hard work though

my worse LO was DS4 I had him when I was almost 41 and everybody thought I should know what I was doing cause I had already had 3 sons - also had a 16 yr gap - DS4 was a lovley suprise!!

Sadly, I had FORGOTTEN what I should do - not even sure I knew in the first place. I havent had a daughter but I do know that sons need so much tactile love - they love cuddling up. If, cuddling and rocking helps go for it love - loads of people will tell you - dont pick him up, leave him to cry, etc etc but SOD THE LOT OF THEM - if it works for you it works.

Everybody has the feelings you have right now. Try to be calm because a new baby knows when you are wound up. Try to sit and relax and Im sure you will see the difference. Just think to yourself, I am a great mum, this is a massive change in my life and my DH, me and my DnewbornS will be just fine and dandy. You cannot spoil a baby with love and attention. Good luck my love, sorry to have gone on and on

sushistar · 28/02/2008 22:35

Everyone thinks our ds is 'content', but that is because we hold him all the time and he is breastfed as soon as he wants. If we tried to leave him another room he would cry! Now, at 12 weeks, he's willing to be put down / sleep alone for very short periods, and it is improving. Your ds justloves you so much he wants to be with you! Why do you feel he needs to be in another room? Could you just hold him when he wants?

Janni · 28/02/2008 22:35

I think it is quite normal for some tiny babies to want to be in close contact with a familiar body for long periods of the day - they've just come out of the womb, remember. The difficulty is that the way WE parent in our society, there aren't lots of adults around to whom you can hand the baby. The sling idea is a good one, also make use of any willing visitors to cuddle or rock the baby while you rest and make use of ANY help you can get to give you a hand with running your home. This phase WILL pass, it's very hard and you have all our sympathy xx

shabster · 28/02/2008 22:36

lol at a sling - i lurve them. DS1 was about 15 before I took him out of his - lol - he was about 15 month and was dragging me almost to the ground - BUT - it worked, anything that works is good.

sherby · 28/02/2008 22:38

Loopie, it sounds like you are doing a brilliant job so far, please don't worry we all feel like this at the beginning it really is such hard work.

Try to remember that your baby is so tiny at the moment all he wants is you to be close to him so try not to worry about him not settling without you, if that does become a problem later on you can deal with it then. But at this age all he really wants is you there and some milk in his tummy.

Try the sling suggestion and see how it goes.

Also I had a mantra that got me through those hard first few months 'this too will pass' and it really will!

queenofthedumbquestion · 28/02/2008 22:39

The best thing I read about tiny babies, and the thing that makes their behaviour makes sense, is that, at that age, they still haven't worked out that they're not actually part of you. He has been literally 'you' for so long, he's bound to want lots of snuggling. Go with it. In a few months, everyn time you pick him up for a cuddle, he'll crack you on the head, bite your nose, pull your glasses off or pull your hair. It might sound daft, but enjoy it, as much as you can. Your only job right now is to keep him happy and safe

Jojay · 28/02/2008 22:41

Dont' worry about him forming any 'bad habits' through using the sling, or anything else that makes life easier - he is far too young for that.

Right now, you need to find a way to cope with the situation you have on your hands now.

His instinct is to stick with his Mum, becasue that's where he's safe.

Go with the flow, but try to find ways to make it manageable for you.

Good luck

shabster · 28/02/2008 22:42

qofdumbquestion - here here - you speak a lot of sense.

Sometimes when you have a new baby - it can seem a lonley place - everybody thinks you should be getting on with it - I love the line 'your not ill your just pregnant' - let them try it.

cuddle, snuggle, smell his lovley smell, try to smile, and most of all be kind to yourself - massive life changing situation

Original poster

loopielou · 28/02/2008 22:42

My partner has been great and takes him when I struggle. I have no family or friends here as I recently moved and I cant seem to get any help in finding classes from the health care people have been usless with helping me in this and I dont know where to look as web searches bring up nothing.

OP posts:

Jojay · 28/02/2008 22:43

Where are you Loopielou?

shabster · 28/02/2008 22:44

lou - stick with mumsnet - Ive only been here since January but have found it invaluable. Think its because folk on here are experts and experienced. We have all had times when we think 'what the hell have I done' I know you will be fine.

Original poster

loopielou · 28/02/2008 22:47

I live in Southsea Portsmouth.

Have to say a massive thank you to you all I feel a bit more confident now!!!!

OP posts:

shabster · 28/02/2008 22:47

lou - have just had a nosey at your profile you are a long way from 'home' and you are such a young girl - im jealous not critising Im always here for you - if you can put up with a 51 yr old mum who is 17 in her head.

shabster · 28/02/2008 22:48

would help if I could spell criticising (that still isin't right) not calling you names just jealous - see that was easier anything that makes life easier has to work.

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