Encourage baby to self-settle

[Newmama20232023]

My 10-week-old needs to be fed or rocked to sleep & cannot self settle. Everytime I try to put him down drowsy & leave the room he cries so I need to go back in. How do I encourage self-settling?

How are you feeling, OP? How are you finding motherhood in general? Do you feel down, overwhelmed, trapped, etc?

Thebeesknees why are you asking her that? She asked a question, self soothing is mentioned in the top baby book your baby week by week. It's fine if most people think it's a little early for that at 10 weeks but what are you trolling to imply?
Fwiw my 12 week old can rub her face a little and fall asleep by herself for naps so it's not that much of a crazy question

Yeah, babies don't really do that. Certainly not at 10 weeks... 10 months you might get lucky. I (or DP) cuddled our child to sleep until he was 2.5, if that helps.

For now, just enjoy cuddles with your baby. It’s too early for sleep training. Try naps in the sling if you need to get on with stuff. And if things can wait, just enjoy binge watching/reading/phone scrolling whilst baby naps on you as you won’t get that opportunity much longer!
Some babies do settle themselves but so young it’s more about the baby’s personality rather than anything taught by parents.

I used the Ferber method to sleep train my baby at 6 mo. He had been fed to sleep up until that point and it only took a few nights to get used to. He’s 16mo old and goes to sleep in his bed brilliantly and sleeps through unless something is bothering him (teeth, ill, nightmare). Sleep training sometimes can start at 4mo at the very earliest but is generally recommended at about 6mo.

Thanks all, my NCT group are all doing this and it seems to be working for them all but I guess my LO isn’t ready so will leave for when he is minimum 6 months then. I am finding motherhood tough because I feel like I’m a rubbish mum (we don’t have a routine yet at 10 weeks, I nurse on demand rather than on a schedule, I rock/feed to sleep) but then reading here has made me realise my expectations are too high- I am comparing my LO to theirs and feeling like I am failing as a mother when he doesn’t settle. Currently have him napping in my arms and it’s nice to get reassurance that we are both doing fine :)

Sleep training sometimes can start at 4mo at the very earliest but is generally recommended at about 6mo.

it’s been some years since I did any sort of reading around do it but pretty sure sleep training is never recommended before 6 months and it’s actually 12 months that’s been identified as being preferable.

(didn’t sleep train. DD is 13 and isn’t still being rocked to sleep.)

You’re doing exactly what you should be doing!

I can’t imagine every other NCT mum is feeding on a schedule, leaving tiny babies alone etc. Are they the same age as yours? (I was the last to have my baby in our group. There was a month to the next baby and 3.5 months to the oldest baby so they were doing things a little differently but feeding on demand and contact naps/co-sleeping were what everyone did.)

Never compare OP. Every baby is different and honestly it changes every week! The other thing I found is people exaggerate about how well their routine is going/baby is sleeping etc.

We had a routine and it changed daily. What worked one day didn't work the next. Keep trying different things and find a rhythm that works for you. You will get their in the end. Our routine just kinda happend by accident.

There is no perfect right way to bring up a baby.

You are doing a fucking fantastic job. You are an amazing mum and baby is lucky to have you as their mummy. You clearly care enough to ask for advice.

Keep doing what you're doing mumma and fuck the perfect mums with the perfect routines. Their needs change weekly one routine now won't work next week.

Take care OP and if you need any advice/a rant/ anything feel free to reach out.

The fog of the early days is all consuming. Don't look at other mums. Do what your baby needs. If you're breastfeeding then enjoy all the time in the world to simply laze, nurse and snuggle. Just make sure you have snacks, phone and coffee within reach.

Can I let you into a secret, @Newmama20232023? Other mothers lie!!!!!!! 🤣

DS2 is nearly 5 months and I do all this - he's currently asleep in the sling while I drink my coffee!

Hi OP, I'd recommend reading the baby whisperer about gentler ways of encouraging self soothing according to age. Also good for explaining sleep cycles etc. I think there are small things you can do with younger babies which will encouraging self soothing down the line.

Yet another thread where a new mother is feeling despondent about completely normal baby behaviour because she has been given unrealistic expectations. What is the point of antenatal class?
OP your baby is normal, they are not all the same, you cannot train them to reach milestones, comparing is depressing and other parents do not tell the truth.
My advice is to do what feels right and you and baby will be fine.
I really feel for you.

Please don’t feel pressurised or inadequate. Sit on the sofa with some nice snacks and breastfeed and cuddle your baby. It is good for both of you.

In a few months you may fall into a routine that suits you both or you may not need one. Enjoy your time together

Ooh I love contact naps - this is my 'down time' so I can watch/scroll while she feeds&sleeps, I have snacks and a drink next to me on a sofa tray. I don't feel guilty at all. Contact nap babies on the whole, usually sleep longer too. She rests, I rest.

My first baby (15y ago!) was unsettled for months while I listened to other mums/my mum/MIL regarding her needing her own bed blah blah blah. I used to guilty contact nap. This was before I know what I know now.
I'm glad I gave in to the contact naps/breastfeed to sleep as I've since learnt that it's natural to breastfeed to sleep - with the hormone concoction during feeding; this is evolutionary - a 'tool' to aid us with parenting easier.

I'm currently BF my 8m old, actually she has just come off and laying on my lap on a pillow. I could move, but my fella is making eggs on toast and a cuppa so I'm gonna sit and stay. I'm back at work soon, and I have put things in place where she can sleep in the car seat, pushchair and baby carrier so I'm not worried.

Follow some accounts on Instagram with other likeminded mums, like others have said, you do you, you parent how you want to parent. Even if it changes along the way - this is okay too.

Few accounts to follow; heysleepybaby, thebreastmilkqueen, thebreastfeedingmentor, wildflowerbreadtfeeding - few to start you off.

You're doing amazing!!

we don’t have a routine yet at 10 weeks, I nurse on demand rather than on a schedule, I rock/feed to sleep

I don’t blame you at all OP because you are a FTM. I too completely swallowed the kool aid and ended up with hideous PND because DC1 was still all over the place eating/sleeping/colic wise at 10 weeks despite my NCT group seemingly having their shit together. But it is so depressing that you think this makes you a rubbish mum. It makes you an absolutely wonderful mum who is meeting her DCs needs perfectly. I’d bet my bottom dollar the other NCT babies are not feeding and sleeping completely predictably at ~ 10 weeks. But if they are so be it. It doesn’t matter. You do you and try and enjoy as much as you can, while breathing through the hard bits and knowing it will all pass eventually x

*fall asleep (then transfer to a floor bed/cot without waking!) I don't let her stay in car seat!!

Yes it's inevitable to compare your baby to others around you, but they are all different. 10 weeks is still little to have a schedule and feeding on demand is absolutely fine imo. That's what you're supposed to be doing.
With sleep , with both my babies I had

• a sleepyhead to make them feel enclosed and secure
• a doll which made heartbeat and loud breathing sounds.
• at night (but no reason you couldn't do in the day too) I'd do the water bottle trick where you put a hot water bottle in the cot / bassinet to warm it up, then take it out just before you put baby in, so the 'shock' of the cool sheet doesn't wake them
• also a dummy!
• can also try white noise

You sound like you're doing great tho. It's an exhausting and fraught time having your first baby. I used to google everything!!

This is normal. This is what babies do. There is nothing that will help your baby self settle until they are ready to developmentally - this could be by 6months if you're really fortunate or 2 years. Every child is different. Some do it naturally, others take time.
Once you get the idea out of your head that babies sort themselves out at sleep time, things will seem easier.

This. AND you are supposed to feed on demand.

Honestly in most of human history we just carried babies around, coslept with them and they fed whatever they wanted and grew up fine. Babies happy to be left in a dark room alone, and sit hungry would not have been the babies who did well..

You and your baby are just doing humaning right.

Feeding on demand is the best thing you can do!
So is being flexible rather than worrying about routine. Between sleep regressions and teething etc routines don't tend to be consistent anyway.

I used the pick up/put down method which helped encourage mine to self settle. He was younger than 10 weeks and I'm definitely not lying.

Some babies can absolutely self settle at that age with some encouragement.

Some can. Most can't. And expecting that yours will be one who will, and feeling guilty and sad if it doesn't isn;t the issue.

Which is different to outright saying that they can't and mothers who say they can are lying.

No one knows if their baby can unless they try it. Of course, it's a personal choice and some won't want to which is fine but again, is very different to can't.

Lots of people on this thread are so self righteous. The utter indignation that someone dare to ask about self settling at 10 weeks fgs

OP my baby is a similar age and I highly recommend a dummy, white noise and some baby massage before bed. Mine doesn't self settle exactly but I get her 90% there then into the bedside cot when still a bit drowsy and rock or sit with her until she's dozed off.