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Newborn - when will it get better?

56 replies

Joppi · 11/08/2023 08:01

I’m just over a week post c section and getting to grips with taking care of my newborn (FTM).

Of course I knew it we going to be hard but everything has been harder than expected - breastfeeding, baby doesn’t like being put down in side sleeping cot, bassinet etc so the only place to settle is on me/husband so we only get a few hours sleep as we take it in shifts to look after baby.

In the evening, sometimes nothing will work to stop the crying - baby has been fed, nappy is clean, have winded etc

With the frequency of feeding, it feels like the day revolves around feeding, getting baby to sleep, resolving crying and changing nappies with little time for anything else.

of course I’m grateful and happy with the new baby but also feeling exhausted and a bit overwhelmed.

I feel it’s not the done thing to air these feelings for fear of coming across as ungrateful but wondering if these are normal feelings and when does it start getting better?

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donkra · 11/08/2023 15:43

Seaweed42 · 11/08/2023 15:39

Well the first 3 weeks of a newborn is absolutely the shittiest nightmare.
Let's be honest. It's so so tough.

You love them when they are asleep and cry at their beauty, then sometimes absolutely detest the red-faced roaring little monster glaring up at you at 4am when NOTHING will make them stop 😱. Won't take food, won't take the dummy, won't lie down, won't settle. The baby seems to hate you and you.... well...let's say you aren't exactly feeling the love at that point in time!

You are only a week in, take heart it will improve!

Yes I love the bit where you 'pretend' it's bedtime every night at 8pm, ha, ha, how we laughed....knowing we'd be awake at 9pm. 9.30. 10.30. 11.50pm. 1am. 2.15am. etc etc.

Then stagger through the next day until we 'pretend' it's bedtime again.

You'll only know things are getting better when you only burst into tears once a day instead of 5 times. In 3 weeks it'll be so much better. 6 weeks another turning point.

I remember my brother ringing from the USA the first week we had my DD home and he said 'you must be delighted!!!' and I was thinking 'delighted? Are you fucking joking me?? I've had half an hour sleep in the past four days, I've already failed at the breastfeeding and now she's chucking up every feed as well' but of course I meekly said 'oh yes we are delighted she's gorgeous'.

And the cold cups of tea 😃
Some day soon you'll be able to have a cup of tea and it'll still be warm when you get to the bottom of it.

Lord yeah. I remember dreading the nights. I remember hating the baby in the wee-smalls and wishing someone would just take them away.

That largely passed by 12 weeks, thankfully.

Lesleyknopeswaffleiron · 11/08/2023 15:53

What’s really heartening @Joppi is that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

I felt exactly how you feel, and now I can look back and laugh (ish) about the chaos and madness of that time.

You get through it, you get stronger, and your challenges become someone’s else’s support or handrail.

You’ll be on here in a few weeks offering solace to new mums and you’ll wonder how you got through it! But you will x

donkra · 11/08/2023 15:59

This is about as left field as advice comes, OP, but what got me through those early weeks was watching Tim Minchin's Lullaby on repeat:

It was so validating to see that a famous singer-songwriter understood and had grappled with those dark 4am thoughts, and plus it always made me laugh.

Lullaby by Tim Minchin

Lullaby as performed on Ben Elton's Live from Planet Earth, featuring part of the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra.

https://youtu.be/ESFANzZTdYM

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jellycatbunny · 11/08/2023 20:56

ReeseWitherfork · 11/08/2023 13:19

@jellycatbunny I feel a total failure and like I’ve let us all down already No no no no no. No. You’re not a failure. You’ve adjusted your approach to parenting based on your individual situation and your options available, and as a bonus after consulting professional help. You sound like a freaking good mum to me! Being flexible in how you approach things is an important parenting skill to learn.

I can’t thank you enough for that message, really appreciated Flowers

faban · 11/08/2023 21:14

It's definitely normal. I could have written your post. My baby wouldn't be put down ever. My husband went back to work at 6 weeks and at 5 I was hyperventilating panicking I wouldn't be able to cope. By 6 weeks she was doing really long lengths in the cot. It feels like irl never end but it does! My daughters 20 months old now and I've had well over a year of sleeping through the night. It will get easier. I also had a c section, it makes everything so much harder. I'm pregnant with my second one now and when my daughter was a newborn I was adamant I couldn't do this again. It does get easier and so so much better xx

Original poster
Joppi · 12/08/2023 08:30

faban · 11/08/2023 21:14

It's definitely normal. I could have written your post. My baby wouldn't be put down ever. My husband went back to work at 6 weeks and at 5 I was hyperventilating panicking I wouldn't be able to cope. By 6 weeks she was doing really long lengths in the cot. It feels like irl never end but it does! My daughters 20 months old now and I've had well over a year of sleeping through the night. It will get easier. I also had a c section, it makes everything so much harder. I'm pregnant with my second one now and when my daughter was a newborn I was adamant I couldn't do this again. It does get easier and so so much better xx

Yes same position here - my husband is going back to work in a couple weeks and already panicking. And we also have said we are not going to have second child haha because it would be even harder to do this with a toddler but maybe we’ll think differently if things improve! X

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