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Original poster

Nursery friends/parties

33 replies

Maybemaybenot76 · 10/08/2023 22:07

My 3.5 year old has been in nursery for 1.5 years and has never been invited to a play date or birthday party - is this normal at this age? I did ask last year when the kids normally start having parties etc and was told some had already had some!

He has, in the last term, made some more solid friendships and I am told by his key person that he is always with the same 4 kids and they all stick together.

I’ve no idea who their parents are, to my knowledge there’s no group chat, and he hasn’t been invited anywhere.

He’s started talking about parties and telling me he wants a party to invite his friends and I just feel horrendous about it all.

Would you say it’s normal at this age to not have been invited to any parties? We only do gatherings with family but thinking for his 4th we should do something with nursery, but worried nobody will turn up!

As far as reaching out to his friends parents, what would you do?

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gole · 10/08/2023 22:23

DD was in nursery for 2 years and she never got invited to play dates, though parties were always "whole class" so she was invited to those. I didn't find it odd, as her nursery was aimed at working parents (open until 6pm) and most parents collected too late in the day for a play date after nursery. And assumed they'd want family time (as do we) at weekends.

monpetitlapin · 10/08/2023 22:25

We never got invited to anything. Then the 4th birthday parties came around for the summerborns. Now we're booked up through September! 🤣 We did a party as well. Remember someone has to do the first party.

mintich · 10/08/2023 22:29

4th birthdays are when it started at our nursery, we probably went to about 6. So nowhere near the whole class. I'd say the majority of people wait until school. Or have parties with other friends outside of nursery ( nct etc)

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Clefable · 10/08/2023 22:31

Four was when the birthday parties really kicked off. A few kids had ones at 3, but the number of 4th parties we've been invited to is nuts! We had three in two weeks. Careful what you wish for ...

But really I wouldn't worry. Invitations usually go out in our nursery in bags. Some nurseries are more prone to whole nursery parties than others. Ours is a mix, I did a whole nursery class party for DD when she turned 4 so around 20 kids, but won't be doing it again now we've ticked that box!

daffodilandtulip · 10/08/2023 22:34

Two parties in and you'll be wishing that you never heard of soft play. Make the most of it!

Original poster
Maybemaybenot76 · 10/08/2023 22:37

Thanks for the replies :)

It was the fact that the nursery told me that some had already had parties that concerned me.

DP keeps saying I should make an effort to get to know his friends parents and organise play dates etc but I’ve no idea who they are, and never see them at the gates!

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Toddler101 · 10/08/2023 22:39

My 2.5y has had 1 invite to a 3rd birthday party that we couldn't make. The parents printed invitations with their contact details for RSVP and asked nursery to pop them in each invited child's bag at the nursery.

All the kids are local and we see so many of them at the local park anyway so even when they're not at nursery, they often play at the park together anyway. Most of them are part time at nursery.

Other than that, no play dates here either. But equally I haven't instigated any either...

CamelSilk · 10/08/2023 22:39

Definitely hold a party for his 4th birthday if this is something you're worried about and he's likely to get some return invites.

AlltheFs · 10/08/2023 22:41

It really depends on your nursery, ours is all parties. DD has one 5 Saturdays in a row in September and she has a lot of friends.

But friend at another nursery hasn’t had any.

If he wants a party, just do it. Nursery will tell
you who to invite. I’d do the invites and see who comes. Just don’t get his hopes up
about a big one if you aren’t sure who is coming.

Original poster
Maybemaybenot76 · 10/08/2023 22:42

Interesting. The kids aren’t actually allowed to take in bags (meals are provided there) so not sure how I’d get invited out. Presumably the staff would know!

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Maybemaybenot76 · 10/08/2023 22:42

invites*

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firestarter2023 · 10/08/2023 22:43

Sam’s age. Been to 5 I think. Hosted 1.

Loads of play dates. Probably too many when I think of it.

firestarter2023 · 10/08/2023 22:43

Same. I mean - age 3.5

SquigglePigs · 10/08/2023 22:45

A few kids at DD's nursery had 3rd birthday parties with nursery friends but it mostly picked up for 4th birthdays so I wouldn't be too worried.

justanothermanicmonday1 · 10/08/2023 23:09

My one year old got her first invite but couldn't make it. I wouldn't be too worried as I think most parents think the same as you. We are keeping it family/close friends until school age. X

Fiddlesticks24 · 11/08/2023 09:22

I think it's really depends on the nursery/class, and also your child and how sociable they are.

Ime parties are either "whole class parties" where everyone is invited either through paper invites given out in nursery bags, or via an email with PDF invite sent out by the nursery to the class list, or smaller parties where parents just invite the kids of other parents they know.

For play dates I have just been proactive and approached parents outside nursery or if I see them at the park etc (or my ridiculously sociable 3yo directly asks them 😅). Or you could ask the nursery to hand out a card to the parents of "Johnny" . You have to be prepared for a few knock backs and people who seem keen but then never follow through.. parents with older children/very involved partners etc never seem to be available - you really want to find a single parent with an only child who is desperate for company!

Clefable · 11/08/2023 09:57

How do you send in spare clothes and all that stuff? Our nursery provides all meals but all the kids have bags with changes of clothes in etc that hang on their pegs!

Sorry, off topic, I'm just interested Grin

AlltheFs · 11/08/2023 10:17

Clefable · 11/08/2023 09:57

How do you send in spare clothes and all that stuff? Our nursery provides all meals but all the kids have bags with changes of clothes in etc that hang on their pegs!

Sorry, off topic, I'm just interested Grin

Yes I’m interested in the same? Don’t they have pegs for all their things?

I’ve never seen a nursery without pegs for coats and bags!

Toddler101 · 11/08/2023 10:32

Maybemaybenot76 · 10/08/2023 22:42

Interesting. The kids aren’t actually allowed to take in bags (meals are provided there) so not sure how I’d get invited out. Presumably the staff would know!

Do you not send them in with a set of spare clothes...in a bag? Baffling!

BarnacleBeasley · 11/08/2023 10:49

It sounds like you've never had a party either, and you won't be the only one. In my DC's nursery, some parents do whole class parties for their child (paper invitations handed out by nursery staff, or electronic invites posted by staff on the nursery app). DC2 has been to four of these. But most parents (including us) just do a small playdate for friends, and at this age it's more likely to be your friends than your child's. I'll probably do a proper party when DC is 3, though I might not invite the whole nursery class. Our nursery is quite small though so it could be okay - if your nursery is big and the classes are massive, that might be another reason parents are just inviting children of people they know.

redskytwonight · 11/08/2023 11:03

I agree parties kick in more at 4.

Prior to this a lot of people have family parties or just invite parents they know.
Or simply don't have parties at all.

By 4, the children are more likely to have clear friends and it's easier to invite them.

Have you had a play date or party yourself? If you host a play date yourself you're much more likely to get offered one back.

NameChange30 · 11/08/2023 11:10

DD is turning 3 soon and I know most of her nursery friends (we have a sociable street and know the neighbours with young children) so I can message the parents or pop an invitation through their letter box, but there is one friend who doesn't live nearby so I've given the invitation to nursery and asked them to pass it on. That's pretty common, my DD has come home with invitations in her bag before.

Why does your DP want you to get to know the other parents and organise play dates? If he thinks it's important why can't he do it? Are you SAHM and he works full time or something? Most children are at nursery because both parents work, so it's up to both parents or whoever cares most.

Original poster
Maybemaybenot76 · 11/08/2023 12:26

They have spare clothes but their “bags” are provided by the nursery and I’ve never seen them! Parents don’t have access to them. When they need another spare set of clothes, you just hand yeh clothes over. 😯

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Original poster
Maybemaybenot76 · 11/08/2023 12:28

@NameChange30 Yes, I’m at home and he works full time

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Alexahelp · 11/08/2023 13:49

Read this with interest - mines 3 next month and hasn’t had a party invite at her current nursery yet. I know she has a few friends that we hear more about than others.

She’s been at this nursery about 6 months and at her previous one a few parties were kicking in for 2nd birthdays, so it does sound like everyone follows the crowd - I had expected to do a 3rd birthday party but will likely just leave it with family only for another year!

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