Nursery friends/parties

[Maybemaybenot76]

My 3.5 year old has been in nursery for 1.5 years and has never been invited to a play date or birthday party - is this normal at this age? I did ask last year when the kids normally start having parties etc and was told some had already had some!

He has, in the last term, made some more solid friendships and I am told by his key person that he is always with the same 4 kids and they all stick together.

I’ve no idea who their parents are, to my knowledge there’s no group chat, and he hasn’t been invited anywhere.

He’s started talking about parties and telling me he wants a party to invite his friends and I just feel horrendous about it all.

Would you say it’s normal at this age to not have been invited to any parties? We only do gatherings with family but thinking for his 4th we should do something with nursery, but worried nobody will turn up!

As far as reaching out to his friends parents, what would you do?

Our nursery was on the 4th birthday. Most invites went to kids in their group bit that may just of been the structure of our nursery. The key worker would hand them out at pick up and a few did group email.

Never did many playdates as a lot of parents worked and it was hard.

I agree with the others that we had a few parties at 3 and more at 4, but we don't seem to have many whole nursery class parties here – it seems to be perfectly acceptable here just to invite the children your child plays with more.

If you know who his core friends are, our nursery would pass a note with your phone number to "X's parents" asking if they'd fancy a playdate or meet up at the park – might be worth asking?

I think we really started at 3. We had non nursery friends over for 2.

We just write the invitees to the kids name and hand them to staff, they hand them out to parents at the end of the day.

We do have a nursery group chat but I don't really use that.

So when we get invites back I save the number then I can contact again.

The best way to start, is for you to have the party. Then it doesn't stop. Ever.

I wouldn't worry at this stage. I would wait until his birthday and give them invitations either the 4 kids he plays with or all of them a little soft play party or similar then you'll have their numbers. You can then text them all and try and arrange play dates

It's quite normal at 3/4 that they won't have had a play date especially your first one until you start getting into that network

He'll be going to loads soon!

Find out the childrens names that your child is friends with and do a little card/note

Just something simple like 'X and Y have made a lovely friendship and they say Y is very kind, if you would like to swap numbers let me know and we can do a play date or invite Y to X birthday party'

Some won't reply, some will :)

Thinking about playdates rather than parties, I think at toddler age they're more for the parents really. The child gets to play with other children all day at nursery, so doesn't need them outside of it, except maybe for the benefit of learning to share your own toys at home. The playdates we've had have been with parents we already know/like, not all of them from DC's nursery.

I'm finding the same as others. My first turns 4 in a few weeks, and it's only about now the party invites are coming thick and fast. We're throwing her a party ourselves this year for her 4th birthday, which is probably the same for other parents.

As for play dates, I'm not overly fussed tbh. I prefer to go to baby and toddler groups, or to the park for now. Once my first is in school, and has formed some friendships, then I'll look into play dates.

Thanks for the replies. It’s reassuring to know that mine isn’t likely to be missing out!

Not fussed for play dates for my own benefit at all, it was purely for my son.

I know the names of all his little friends so when he’s turning 4 I’ll likely do as suggested and send in an invite for them for staff to pass over. The nursery is amazing but their admin can be poor, so hopefully they do get handed out 😳

I know that my son would enjoy spending time with his friends from nursery at an external setting but I think I’m too socially awkward to meet up with a complete stranger at this stage, and since it’s not the norm anyway… I’ll leave it for now 😂