Toddler and newborn - this is really hard

[snickersicecreampls]

I have a 6 week old baby and a 2year old. Today has been very difficult.

My toddler fell down half a flight of stairs - I was at the bottom but he literally tumbled and I can't get the image out of my head.

Also, when we went to a cafe, I looked away for a split second and he had left his seat - I couldn't see him for a moment (he was just behind his chair) and I went in to an absolute panic and don't feel my heart rate has come down since! Honestly it was so scary.

We've just had a real day of it. Breastfeeding a newborn and keeping a toddler safe is hard. He also seems to really want to run away from me at the moment - I genuinely feel like I'm not capable of keeping both my children safe from harm. Out in public I feel like I'm on high alert, other parents seem so relaxed, I look crazy I swear!

Will I get used to having two? It really feels like a lot to think about at the moment. Makes me just want to stay at home where it's easy but I know that's not good for anyone!

And breathe! It gets easier I promise. I found having a toddler (well two, I have twins) and a newborn harder than having baby twins because of the different needs of the different ages. My baby turned 1 this week but has mostly fitted in with DTs. Slings were a lifesaver, along with packing/ planning activities and lots of snacks.

PS I found playdates or ‘safe’ playgroups/ parks (where the playground is enclosed) easiest outings at first.

Thanks @3isthemagicnumberrr

I just feel so guilty this evening. My little boy has a hurt nose from his tumble. I was with him but I was at the bottom and the baby was in my arms so i couldn't really catch him.

Whenever we go out I seem to forget something for one of them, and I feel so stressed and frazzled, my DH is really bearing the brunt of it, I'm not very fun at all at the moment

And my baby sleeps well! Imagine if he didn't!! :(

It's so hard. It gets easier. You'll get there. Have you got a double buggy? I thought I could cope without but I was wrong. I love that buggy.

Also I have a carrier, a stretchy wrap and three - yes three - pairs of reins. Only made DC wear one pair at once 😅 but I could keep a pair in the house and a second in the car.

Definitely agree with finding an enclosed playground!

Yes it’s hard. Those early days when the baby sleeps lull you in to a false sense of security

2 is so little still, they’re just babies themselves. It does get way easier when they get a bit bigger and can do more - go to the toilet, read a bit on their own, play more independently etc.

Chin up, we’ve all been there

Yes @Coffeepott we have a double buggy, couldn't cope without it! Handy to strap my toddler in even if he isn't happy about it somewhere safe while I feed baby etc. but it is bloody massive and annoying 🤣

@CorBlimeyGovnrt the baby sleeps all the time still. I'm scared for what is to come!

It does get easier. A double buggy is really useful. I learnt very quickly that size 5 nappies will fit a 3 month old! I was always forgetting things. So I put a spares bag of clothing in the car including coats and wellies and a small cool box of long life snacks and drinks. Then most of what I needed was already in the car. I repacked the nappy bag when I got home so it was ready for the next outing.

I have a 3 and a 2 year old now.

When my first was 1 and the other was a newborn, i didn't leave the house alone with them.

I barely do now if its just me.

Safer for them than me trying to spin plates out and about! Id never forgive myself if something happened.

I second the double buggy.

I have one where they both move separately, next to each other and they lay flat too.

It feels like an eternity, but it won't last forever.

Survival mode!

It always just feels like we are seconds away from someone getting hurt or lost - my nerves are shot to bits!

@Whyohwhyohwhy123 this is a brilliant idea. Thanks!

Bless you OP. I am pregnant with my second and have a 2 year old and I'm frightened of the exact scenarios you've experienced but i think they're inevitable. Last week i lost my child behind a book shelf for 2 mins and went full of psychotic running out the library screaming his name etc for him to then appear pissing himself laughing at the stunt he just pulled!

I do think a sling will be helpful and trips to enclosed safe playgroups and parks as previous posters have mentioned. Basically i'm avoiding anywhere with escape routes until my toddler learns to stop running away. Make some time for yourself too. I find epsom salt baths really helpful after a stressful episode!! Xx

It really is so hard but one day soon the tiny newborn will be a slightly more sturdy baby, and the two year old will be a nearly three year old. I only managed by having the baby in a sling a LOT (having two hands available made a huge difference to me) and by being selective about where we went, initially. Fenced off playgrounds, groups where the sling worked with what was going on and/or I knew other mums would be supportive and keep an eye on the eldest. Maybe had a few more days at home, or out walking and puddle jumping, than I had with just one child BUT those days just idly playing at home were so valuable for keeping the bond with the eldest, baby safe so mum is relaxed and playing instead of juggling or worrying.

Mine are just four and nearly two now and they are really starting to play together as a team now, in short bursts admittedly, so all the hard days were totally worth it. There are peaks and troughs of when one or the other of them is in a difficult phase but generally speaking every day gets a little bit easier, even if it's just because you've found a new solution to a problem, or got used to managing something a little easier.

It's absolute hell isn't it.

Ds was 13 months when I had another.. Every morning I pushed that bloody double buggy to BHS cafe and had a coffee. Read a magazine and ate a cake and walked home. They fell asleep on the way there and woke up when we got home. Kept me sane and got them napping in sync.. They are 27 and 28 now... Managed eventually.. Had 'double' trouble over again a few times!

It is hard!
I have an almost 3 and almost 1 year old.
My advice for these early days (I see it has been mentioned above) is to make a list of safe playgroups/places to go.
I had a list like this of places I knew my toddler was safe (i.e. a small soft play that he could do without any help from me and couldn't escape from). It made it so much easier going out. When I wanted to get out the house I just picked something off the list (it was handy writing it down as sometimes it's easy to forget about places).
I also think things like visiting family is a good one to get out.
It does get easier. We are nearly a whole year down the line and I go anywhere without thinking anything of it now, he's much more capable than he was a year ago and understands/listens better etc.
And baby is less demanding.

I think you're superwoman taking a newborn and a 2yo to a cafe! I don't imagine your 2yo will suffer from not being out and about for now. Why not keep it easy and stay at home? Do you have a partner that can entertain the 2yo for some of the day?

This was me in pandemic lockdown 2021. It was utter chaos.

reigns. Get them for toddler. Tuck them in. But have them there to grab if needed.

lower your expectations then lower them again.

keep it simple. Walks. Picnics. Quiet places.

mine are still adjusting to the real world now due to rural living and being brought up in lockdown.

we have just done first busy holiday and they go nuts with people. I’ve spent a week apologising. And you know what. Every single person has been lovely.

I copied a mum friend who had ...2 sets of twins under 2 which was really inspirational !
I practically turned the house into gated maze/soft play . I could keep baby, toddler and dog separate as necessary and entertain friends and kids at home rather than going out.

Go easy on yourself, it really is very hard. Our two were 19 months apart and we used to say that as long as nobody died, the day was a success. I mean, clean and fed helps too, but they don't need much more than that really. If you need to stay at home for a bit and regroup, that's totally okay.

You are 6 weeks in - it is incredibly early days! I had a 2y3m gap between my DC, and DS2 was a very easy newborn... and I still didn't take them anywhere other than the park (while baby was asleep in carrier and I had pram available if I needed to contain DS1) or our v quiet small local soft play for MONTHS. I was lucky to have my mum around and some friends with older children who could come out with us if I went further, but it took such a long time to build up the confidence to go alone. At 6 weeks we mostly stayed home doing crafts or playing in the garden (and more TV than we'd have liked!)!

It is so hard isn't it!
At that age I took them to the woods a lot, cos there was a limit to where the toddler could run to, no traffic or other people. We paddled and rolled logs over to see what was underneath a lot. No way could I have spent a whole day in the house, we'd have been climbing the walls!
But not easy!

Meant to say that mine are 3.5 and 1 now and I take them both out alone pretty much every day, don't even think about it anymore!

You're very impressive, I would never have done a solo coffee trip when mine were those ages. It was double buggy to enclosed playground only for me.

It does get easier, with both of them. You just have to hang in there and get through the day for now.

Two under two here. Breastfeeding both. My top tip is a reins backpack so toddler when not in a double pram is always tethered to you. Ensure toddler is strapped in car seat/high chair/to the pram everywhere you walk and especially before tending to newborn. I also bought some special bf only toys so my toddler can play whilst waiting for milk (although sometimes I let toddler go first).

It gets easier and I absolutely love it now. HV told me it takes a sibling about six months to work through their big feelings about baby's arrival, give or take. You're very early days. Soon it'll be hard but only in a tiring way because you'll have worked out the hacks that help you as a family.

Its such a hard time because the 2yo is also still so little. We never did have a double buggy but I second the pp that mentioned the sling for the baby. First 6 months every shopping trip etc was baby in sling, 2 yo in buggy. We've got past all that and are now at the awkward stage where the oldest is too old for the buggy and the younger one wants to walk everywhere because his brother does! Enclosed play spaces are great. I can see both of them and know noone is going to bolt. It's tiring and hard but it really does get easier. Don't feel too guilty about tv days or indoor activities if you're nervous to take them out solo. I still am and they're 2 and 4

I know the feeling I have a 3 year old and a7 month old and the early days I never left the house with both of them I started by taking them both out together on short walks or trip to the play park which is just across the road from where I live and just built it up and I always forgot stuff and still do now I always make sure I have a bag made up the night b4 just in case I need it always helps